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“Nothing of me is original. I am the combined effort of everyone I’ve ever known.”

Chuck Palahniuk.

I have always felt a little out of place or like an observer of this great big fish bowl earth, that’s teeming with life. This was especially true after I was injured and found myself displaced from where I had been thriving in New York City. I woke up at the bottom of a pity pit in a hospital rehabilitation   center in my home state, back where I started before I moved away.  I had hit a snake  in life and slid right back to the beginning of the game. This couldn’t be more true since I had to relearn basic life skills that I had at one time already mastered. You would think a clean slate would be a good thing, but not  so in this case. I had witnessed all the dominos I  painstakingly set up, tumble down at the push of a bad life circumstance.  I would soon be tasked with rebuilding  it and that’s what I am now, a full time construction worker. The sixty four days I spent in the hospital  and even more before that saw me inching towards the starting line.  Although I had a supportive crowd cheering me on, I had lost my “tribe.” A group of fun like minded people that helped motivate  me to be better were missing from the hospital setting.  Therefore, I went to many therapy appointments(after discharge) with a different kind of tribe. They weren’t bad just fellow people that were hurt like me, so   it was dark and depressing in that village. I missed the glittering happy atmosphere that I had been used to, since  it lifted my spirits. Although, I certainly tried to get back there with weekend workshops like Blogcademy.(Glitter!)However, after  two days of sunshine, on a Monday I had to return to that same dark village that was therapy; never was the importance of your atmosphere so obvious to me. Since then I have stumbled unexpectedly into members of my tribe(like this)which always makes me feel much better.  Each day as I run into these like minded individuals and recover more, I  can see the entrance to my village getting closer and closer. Never take for granted or underestimate the importance of being  where you feel  you belong, it will save your life!

Cheers!

bleu

 

 

“The most pathetic person in the world is some one who has sight but no vision.”
― Helen Keller.

When you look at something, what do you see? Do you see what’s on the surface, the physical, the flaws,  the beauty, or the potential?  In my experience, if you can supersede your natural instincts and look past the obvious that’s when forward motion in life occurs. It’s easy to see an obstacle that’s been placed in front of you by life, and perceive it as impossible to surpass. However, there are those that see what is possible instead. Whether it’s  being born with muscular dystrophy, losing an arm, or becoming a full time model(and actress) in New York even though you were born by society’s standards as irredeemably ugly, anything is possible! What these three women embody is the ability to overcome and look past those barriers with true grit and vision. It would’ve been easy to give up  and let the lemons they’d been handed slowly dry out their resolve and souls in the process. Instead, they used those very lemons to quench their thirst. Who says a deficit cannot be turned into a spring board? Also, who concluded that a “big,” problem could not lend you the very strength you need to overcome it? That’s the thing, no one. Which means, with the right  vision you’re free(and able) to overcome those obstacles. For every problem there is a solution, and in some cases multiple solutions. Born ugly? Move to New York and  shake up the conformity in the modeling industry. A shark bit off your arm while surfing!? Well, just learn to balance, continue surfing, and go on to win multiple surfing contests. Were you born with a debilitating disease and wheelchair bound? Well, it doesn’t affect your face so go to an open casting call for Diesel and  become the face of their new campaign. You see?  In each unfortunate circumstance they went against their natural instincts. Their perceived handicaps, were just that perceived, not permanent.  If we had microscopic vision we’d see that all matter  around us is made up of  atoms and molecules that are continually in motion. That means things are constantly moving, and there is no reason a circumstance should put your life(and goals) at a stand still. In fact  things cannot help but move, and that includes moving forward! Therefore, don’t let  a perceived obstacle stop you dead in your tracks. As evidenced by the Ladies above(Jillian Mercado, Bethany Hamilton, and Lillian Gaydos) the only obstacles are in our minds.

Cheers!

bleu

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“Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of human freedoms-to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances.” – Viktor Frankl, holocaust survivor.

The most important choice you make every day is your attitude. Your internal attitudes are more important than your external circumstances. Joy is  mind over matter. How we feel isn’t determined circumstantial. It is perceptual. Our feelings are determined by our subjective focus. How you feel is the result of what you focus on. The same adversity can affect two people very differently. I often wonder how someone else would do in my circumstances, but I have hardly anyone to compare myself to. However, I’ve surmised that what poisons one person to death, sweetens the other person’s spirit. This would explain how  someone could manage to survive an atrocity  like the Holocaust. When I experienced my own holocaust in the form of a massive stroke, I had to choose. Either let it be a catalyst that began my downward spiral or fight. As it turned out, although I felt hopeless the latter was much more appealing than the former. Although I had plenty of very patient therapists and encouragement, ultimately I was the only one that  could do what needed to be done to improve myself.  The same goes for many different things in life, it is you that has the power to choose and get better. Therefore, I would encourage you to do what is needed to move forward, no matter how hard. Because, as I have seen some significant physical improvements, it’s well worth it!

to you and yours,

bleu

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“It’s so fine and yet so terrible to stand in front of a blank canvas.”- Paul Cezanne.

It only took twenty days to upend twenty eight years of progress, now at the age of an adult I was starting over like a child. After waking from the coma(all twenty days of it) and being cleared for  a med flight to a rehabilitation hospital I had arrived. Not only was I physically back in the same location I had started from before I moved(to New York) but also mentally starting over. With no job, apartment, car, or social life, I was left with only one thing… rehabilitation. I found myself  so far down in the depths of life I had nowhere to go but up!  My view from the bottom was one of complete hopelessness and  loss. However, once I was farther along in my physical recovery(walking, eating, and communication skills) I began to see some light, and the burdens of the hospital were no more. I still had(and have) a mountain to climb but it’s much easier with the right tools and attitude. Once I began to shed the weight of piles of pills, a feeding tube, and the discomfort of a hospital bed I was free to breathe again. I quickly came to the realization that material belongings are meaningless, you  reap what you sow, and that life is but a blur. Once I regained my determination and strength, it was clear what I had to do. It may have taken but a moment to tear down the life I had built, but now I had a chance to repair it and even better this time! One can only be so lucky(or unlucky if you will. Now,  instead of hanging out  in my New York City apartment on a week day night after work, sometimes I hang out with people at a brain injury support group. Is it somewhere I ever expected to be? No, but I can still see the beauty in it. I have enjoyed having conversations with people that are usually invisible in mainstream society and very likely by me too prior to the stroke. Except that I now I see them.  It’s not a place I ever wanted(or expected) to be, but I’m going to make the best of it. Because rather then dwell on the past or get stuck, sometimes we just need to tell ourselves “Let’s just get on with it!”   Do I suppose I am an injured little bird stuck in  my circumstances? No, because in making the decision to get on with it I have found the hope  to fly again.

unclip your wings,

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“Just living is not enough… one must have sunshine, freedom, and a little flower.”- Hans Christian Andersen.

Every time I shed a little responsibility I imagine a pair of scissors cutting the string to  a tiny man that’s holding  me down. This makes the shedding of unnecessary  belongings and responsibilities a lot more fun. My inherited beta fish died, not much sadness there… *snip snip*! One less thing to do. After nearly losing everything(my life included) material possessions suddenly became  unimportant. I now view the accumulation of things as a burden.  If  I’m going to buy something new I  get rid of a few old things to counter balance the amount of things I own, simply because you can become a slave to inanimate objects fairly easy. Not to mention, I evaluate each new purchase with one question, “how will this add value to my life?” If it doesn’t, I don’t buy it.  Since life is fleeting I’d rather fill it with experiences over things that I  have to  pay for and then subsequently take care of. Give me a  tasty gourmet meal over another tee shirt, an outing to the movies over some more expensive makeup, or  a Broadway show instead of a birthday party and gifts. Why? Because  lovely memories are a much greater gift then more material belongings. The object of the “game,” is to cut away as many strings as possible.

Granted, this doesn’t mean you should shirk all reasonable responsibilities, just that due to consumerism we add so many more unnecessary ones. In an already over  burdened existence I find relief in cutting the strings. I believe you will too, so consider minimalism and find freedom!

Get out your scissors,

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“The greatness of a man is not in how much wealth he acquires, but in his integrity and his ability to affect those around him.” positively. -Bob Marley.

Whether you’re considered an artist or not, we all create something. What ever that something is, be it cooking, painting, playing an instrument, taking care of a loved one, or simply doing your menial job well, all of it matters.  Ensure the legacy you leave is one of love,  hard work, and one that leaves an indelible mark on  those around  you. Even the most simple tasks done well can  give a sense of pride. Since I have not been able to work in my busy fast paced  career since the stroke, I’ve learned to channel that energy elsewhere.  Now I put  much more care and effort into everyday tasks. None of which are recognized on a stage, by the public ,or sometimes even my own family. However, when I know I’ve done something  to the best of my ability or taken extra care, I’m satisfied. Because, whether it’s folding towels, washing dishes, or organizing my desk, I aim to leave a trail of excellence, and that’s how I’ll be remembered. No job is too small,  or too big.  When you start by tackling the “small things,” with ease, the big things  get a whole lot easier. At one point I struggled to even dress myself, it was utterly exhausting! Afterwards I felt as if I’d just had a work out and be angry at the fact it took so much more effort then it did prior to the stroke.  As I lay huffing and puffing on my bed, my Mother assured me with a laugh“It’ll get easier.” And you know what?  One sock at a time it did. Now it takes me no more effort then it did before to get dressed. At  one point I balked at therapists who assured me doing the dishes would pay off. Even though I once thought all these menial things made no difference, I was wrong. By starting with washing one dish, putting on one incredibly tight pressure sock(with one arm), folding  that little washcloth, and organizing a drawer… Those things have now become getting fully dressed with ease, doing full loads of laundry, ALL the dirty dishes in the sink, and organizing an entire office. Since I have discovered this secret of starting small,  I’m continually up to something. After all,  every Neil Armstrong has had to start training down on earth before they can  take their first steps on the moon.

one step for man….

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“Take a leap of faith and begin this wondrous new year by believing. Believe in yourself. And believe that there is a loving Source – a Sower of Dreams – just waiting to be asked to help you make your dreams come true.” -Sarah Ban Breathnach.

As with every new year we get a clean hopeful slate on which to scribble our aspirations on. Many resolutions are made, but notoriously not kept. They begin with a vigor only to be abandoned  half way or later on. Why? Do we have short attention spans, lose focus, get tired easily, or just make goals up for fun?  It’s likely a small amount of all of those but mainly what we choose to focus on. Are we keeping our eye continually on the prize and remaining positive or letting fear and doubt creep in on us? Many times in the pursuit of happiness we need to build a  defense wall up against fear and doubt. This New Year began with me down in the trenches and feeling hopelessly sad. However, as the  new days of January began to pour in, I shifted my focus and the gloom lifted. I had to consciously choose to look at the bright side of the coming year. Even in the little things like a great upcoming film, phone upgrade(I love new gadgets), or paying down my debts. Those are all good things to look forward to and helped nudge that gloom on it’s way right out of the door. Today, I am hopeful about the future because I’m only seeing the good things. I have eliminated watching  reading or listening  to negative content. Cutting out as much negative(or dark) noise from your reality is crucial. Just like advertising can subconsciously and subtly have an effect on you, so can the negative influences in the world around us. Therefore, keep it light! You may have to cut out a show or certain music, but the resulting clearing of air and your mind is well worth it. The effects of being choosey about what you let in are huge. Don’t accept those negative things(or thoughts) through the gates of your mind. Be a vigilante! Stop those thoughts from entering before they even begin. Better yet, negate those negative thoughts and give them a dose of their own medicine. When you hear a voice that whispers things like “Your never going to get there.” or “ It’s not going to happen.” and “Why even bother?”   Declare out loud the opposite of those statements. After all, even Michelangelo’s masterpiece the David; was formed by diligently chipping away at a massive block of marble. Not to mention, marble is one of the hardest rocks out there. Dare I say it’s difficult just as your circumstances or goals may be. Except, Michelangelo persevered and look what He accomplished? A timeless and breath taking masterpiece! In the same way make your life a David.

 keep chipping away!

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“Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall.”- Confucius.

I’m absolutely positive that had I died, my Mother would deeply regret all the times She turned me away as a child asking Her to play.  Because childhood is precious and fleeting, and because many years later that same little girl was nearly wiped off the planet. Surely, looking back on  all those missed opportunities for memory making it  would have been painful to recall. Many times we do the same thing to our opportunities.  Just because they are not living and breathing creatures, it  makes them no less valuable. When you ignore them or send them away, they can die just the same. How many opportunities have we let quietly slink away and die?  Death has a way of making us take things more seriously. However, it is also  because of death, that we value life more. Although, it is nearly impossible to recognize all of these opportunities in our  busy daily  lives, luckily they give us many chances to recognize them. Just as sure as the sun will rise  tomorrow, we will be met with another opportunity.  With  each one is the possibility for making memories, maybe money, generating happiness, or meeting someone you will never forget. Each time we knowingly let one of these opportunities pass us by, it’s a tragedy. Because, ultimately it is us who miss out. As life  winds down or if it is ever threatened,  these opportunities become  much easier to spot. Therefore, do not fear the finite amount of time we have on this earth, but instead embrace it!

keep your eyes open,

bleu

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“In every day, there are 1,440 minutes. That means we have 1,440 daily opportunities to make a positive impact.” -Les Brown.

Just as the ebb and flow of a river is changed when a large boulder is dropped into it, so are our lives when we encounter the large impact of another human being.  Ever since the ebb and flow of my life was radically impacted I’ve been contemplating the effects  that other people have on the course of our lives.  Are we  predestined as if by fate and have everything chosen for us? -or- are we but an energetic pinball bouncing off of different circumstances in an infinite universe? Perhaps it is a combination of the two. However, neither of these take into account the random impact that  others can have on us. Some people will change your direction while others help spur us forward, and yet some will stop us in our tracks. While the impact from each of these is different they are all  equally helpful. Why?  Because,  each one has brought you to where you are now  or taught you a lesson in some way. Some of these human boulders are extremely helpful while others feel extremely unhelpful(at least at the time) but  each one can teach us  a valuable lesson. Besides the rivers of life being changed due to a boulder, we can also become stuck as if a dam was built to stop us. How does one get around a dam when it happens? Simple, you must find a way to open it and let the river flow again.  Even rivers start with  a small drip(headwaters) until they form a puddle which  will begin to run down a slope in a trickle and eventually  become a  river. Although  very small, this is where it all begins.  Nature itself has  shown us that big  things can originate from just  a small  action. As with a river even if you’re going downhill, by beginning with a small (positive)action that accumulates into many, you too can become a mighty rushing river!

keep dripping!

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“Isn’t it the moment of most profound doubt that gives birth to new certainties? Perhaps hopelessness is the very soil that nourishes human hope; perhaps one could never find sense in life without first experiencing its absurdity.”- Vaclav Havel.

When a horrendous situation is thrust upon us, we often lament “Why me!?” However, a  better question is “Why not me?’ Terrible things happen every day  to guilty and innocent  people alike.  Each of us at birth were not promised a problem free life. In fact quite the opposite as our new Parents worried increasingly as we grew up. Because, at that moment  they knew what we didn’t; that life is difficult  and dangerous. Therefore, they sought to protect us as best as they could without confining  us solely  to the house. It’s not a question  of why did it happen,  but since it has how will you react to it? What will you do under the circumstances?  Will this reveal your character or diminish it?  Some people believe in fate, that our lives have been pre-orchestrated for us. This is not so, life is a series of choices no matter how small. The choices we make continuously throughout life culminate into our circumstance. When those choices are taken away and we find ourselves in a bad circumstance, we still have choices.  When bad things happen it’s easy to give in, but ultimately at some point  we must choose to get out.  You can  take steps no matter  how small(mentally or physically) to escape your bad circumstance.  When I first was injured the last thing I wanted to do was get out of my warm comfortable bed  for therapy or a painfully early doctor appointment. Except I pushed through and did it anyway. At that point I had no choice but to get better, because I was starting from the lowest point reached in my life . Each day you make the choice to get better your adding  to the  bank of your future and making it brighter. Your seemingly small action is priceless and will culminate into better days ahead. So, have heart brave soldier and carry on. I promise you won’t regret it!

keep on keepin’ on!

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