What does it mean to push concrete? Well, ask the grass, ask weeds, and consult with the flowers. All three of these know what it means, and what it takes to push through the tiniest of gaps in the concrete poured over them. Have you ever felt like the circumstances poured onto you, were as impossible to break through as concrete? I most definitely have. Just as a small weak blade of grass or a leafy limb does, look for the gaps. When you hit a wall with no doors or windows, you have to start searching for the cracks. They’re often small, very difficult to find, and nearly impossible to fit your entire person. However, one thing, immaterial can move through those infinitesimal spaces. Your thinking. Changing or redirecting your thoughts is much easier than shrinking to fit through a crack in the wall. Although, change is easier said than done. In fact, many of us (including myself) have to bang our heads against the same wall, before we finally figure out that a change of direction , might be a good idea.
Take some time, find the original edition/manuscript of your favorite book, and read it again. Why? Because, you’ll find that the story has nearly completely changed. At first, this seems like a betrayal of your first time reading it, because you’ll find a new impression is reached of the same (or so you thought) of the same story. If you’re an avid reader, as I am , you must know that Editors, and different publishing houses have a funny(more akin to frustrating) way of changing an Author’s manuscript as it moves along the annals of time. That means, just as with our very own Lives, things are adjusted to the point that one differentiation of a sentence (or event) has the affect of changing the feeling of, or even sometimes the conclusion)of the tale. For example the sentence “ I nearly left this mortal plane, because of a stroke,” is completely changed by adding the word didn’t. “ I nearly didn’t leave this mortal plane, because of a stroke.” One word changes the gravity of an entire situation, as well as its impact. While I’d prefer the word didn’t was in fact the truth of my particular sentence, this brings to light how one word can change the course of something as inconsequential as a fictional story, or as immensely personal as the very arc of our Lives. So, what words are important? What words make the most impact? More importantly, what words will steer you towards completing your ultimate goals? I’m thinking, words along the lines of Yes,Do, Forward, Okay, and Start. As well as, begin. Diligent. And persistent. These very words mixed in and/or married to your internal driving force will absolutely bring you through the goal posts. Therefore, focus on and choose your words carefully.
Where do you live? Which county, town, and city? We can all answer this question for one reason, and one reason only. Boundaries and limitations. As Humans we simply can’t stand not being labelled. We label everything, we need them. Due to this we can stand in nearly every location and give it a name or an address. But do you know who cannot do that? Animals. Animals, do not comprehend boundaries. For them, the World is their home. Perhaps, we should take a cue from them and just live, rather than theorize everything. I know that I need to do such a thing, and more than likely so do you. More importantly, is it possible to dissolve the boundaries in our minds? It is, it’s uncomftorable, and you’ll probably feel like a leaf in the wind. Should I tell you how I know this? Well….. after the Stroke happened to me, my plans and sense of direction dissolved, so I had no choice but to learn how to drift on the wind gracefully. I tried my best to overcome uncertainty, I did my best to accept the change of my “plans,” and I definitely tried to circumvent the whole ordeal. But, like a Warbler (bird) in the woods, I had to fly about not knowing anything about the places where I landed, nor for how long I’d be there. Working on my balance? That flight was a bit delayed, and I’m still working on sticking the landing. You’d be shocked at how difficult walking feels, when your brain has decided to pretend that one side of your body doesn’t exist (i.e hemiparalysis) So, rather than be angry that my balance seems to constantly threaten me with falls, I am simply grateful to be walking at all. Just like with my balance, I’m also constantly working on getting better. Not just physically, but in everything. Whilst it is mainly physical improvement I strive for, I don’t forget something equally as important, that of my mind. After all, you may not walk a straight line to your end goal, but as long as you’re steering in that direction you will not fail to reach the desired destination!
Life is a series of moments continuously strung together like the individual cells of a film reel. Often, these individual screen shots blend together, and pass without our notice. Since time moves on without us (whether we like it or not) how can we possibly stop it, or slow it down in order to fully absorb these precious individual moments? After realizing what an absolute GIFT everyday Life is (and has been) since I suffered a stroke, this time thing has been a struggle for Me. I wanted to stop it, and pick up where I left off, not to mention remain the same age I was when the stroke happened( 28). But alas, time moves on. Therefore, I instead had to take a different approach. I included a picture of the sign I try to look at everyday in my House. Whether I like the particular moment I’m in or not, I must accept that it is happening and in real time! I haven’t perfected slowing time down yet, but reminders like that sign, and using mindfulness techniques, help me to notice and make the most of my Day. More recently, rather than thinking only of myself I’ve begun to more closely observe other people. It has been through watching the sweet faces of my loved ones that has signaled to me, when a moment I need to slow down is happening. For example the look on the face of the closest person I have to a Brother(I’m an only child) while I was playing peek-a-boo with His Son told Me I was in the midst of a moment to remember. It was a look that clearly communicated His feeling, that He was touched I was alive to play with His precious Son. It’s something that when the stroke first occurred, my Family wasn’t sure would ever happen. Especially since, I was given slim survival odds. I’d rather the stroke never occurred, but it has had some upsides. Namely, forcing me to learn Life lessons much earlier in my time on Earth than I expected to! It’s taken a near complete loss of Life in order to wake Me up to its Beauty. I imagine, such is the case for many people. However, those people didn’t make it through to have the same realizations that I have. I’ve never met another survivor of a massive stroke like mine, because they’re all passed on. It’s a sobering thought, and one that reminds me not to waste the Day. Whatever your circumstances are, I highly recommend mindfulness, practicing gratitude, and savoring the moment. Because- one way or another all your precious moments will come to an end. So, don’t waste or be ignorant of them!
Dear Reader, I do not know you, but perhaps you need to hear this Today. How many times have you “forgotten,” to lock the door, unplug your curling iron, or check work emails? Only to find that you already did!? Many of us operate from our subconscious a.k.a on autopilot. We think that autopilot mostly runs during day to day tasks, -but- as I have found many times it also runs our emotions. As we grew up, our emotions also began to take root in a foundation, where autopilot can often operate from. For example, you may at a base level always expect(or suspect) rejection as a natural defense mechanism against disappointment. Or- if you’re especially well adjusted(not many of us are!) you may operate from a natural place of optimism, determination, or perseverance. The list is as endless as it is varied. The tricky part is, that we don’t often know or even realize when we’re on autopilot! Being unaware of this, it can have the power to stir up unpleasant feelings, complicate situations, or cause us to make incorrect assumptions. There is real danger to not recognizing that we have this “program,” running in the background. Especially because, just like in a computer, it could potentially be harboring a virus that harms our Lives and our ability to function successfully. The question is, how can we figure out our particular program, and work to make it healthy? Rather than figure it out by consistently making the same damaging mistakes, there is a much less consequential way to learn it. And for some of us, it may be uncomfortable. Ready? …… Deep Self Reflection! This doesn’t necessarily mean meditation either. Rather, taking a serious inventory of your current circumstances, how you got there, and where you want to go. Are there any noticeable patterns to your successes? Your failures? And in what ways, have these patterns ebbed and flowed to create your current stream of consciousness? Sometimes the realization will hit you during a familiar interaction(like me) after a Life altering event, or better yet, you’ll figure it out after taking stock and making a list of potential patterns. No matter how you figure it out, I urge you to do it. Why? Because, having such a tool in your box will only help you.
You and I have been acquaintences for some time. In the preceding years after my birth, I will admit that at times our relationship has been stronger than others. However, you have never completely waned from my Life. Nor have I ever given up on you completely. After I nearly died from an unexpected stroke, and once the fog that enveloped my brain had lifted, I needed you more than at any other time. Feeling like a ship adrift at Sea, I discovered that when I began to look for you as if for Land, you did not leave Me. In fact just as Earth’s crust has been steady underfoot for eons, you too did not falter. Rather (to paraphrase Jane Eyre) it was as if during the darkest night of my Life you had traversed in my sleep and left each morning brighter traces of your steps. The Day any person loses you completely, I’m convinced it will be the death of their Soul. Because, you bring light that helps piece the shards together of any broken mirror. You rouse one out of bed when they’d rather not face the Day. You inspire positive thoughts and outlooks for the future. Without you, I daresay we’d all be lost. Lost to overcoming. Lost to the ability of drumming up strength. Lost to trying in spite of insurmountable odds. Lost on the idea that a rising tide can lift ALL ships. Hope, I don’t know if YOU realize how important You are. And my wish is that Humanity always comes to your doorstep when they find themselves in need. Because, I know that whence they knock the door is surely opened.
I don’t always take my own advice, and today I was reminded of a glaring truth that I sometimes choose to ignore. What was it? “ It is within your power to change your circumstances.” I internally grimaced at the phrase. Because, change means you( and I) have to stop making excuses. We have to grit our teeth and face our fears. We have to voluntarily put ourselves in uncomfortable situations. It is essentially a process of self enforced growth. We even have to accept the possibility of failure. However, one can never be defeated! The only thing that can truly defeat us is death. Short of that, (or instead of) you have a lot of work to do to reach your goals! Whether it is seeing or creating a beautiful space when you live in the NYC Projects, envisioning fluid movement in a paralyzed limb, or going after a job you want, all three require perspective. You could see the projects as a one way ticket to failure in Life, that paralyzed limb as dead or lost to you, or- that dream job as just a far off illusion. Except ( and this is a big exception) you could instead view all these things as their opposites. The walls of those projects are not barriers, but places that can be beautified and a starting point. The left hand (or foot) that refuses to take orders from your brain or somehow has fallen into a deep slumber, is merely in an invisible cast until it’s fully healed. The interviewer of your dream job just hasn’t met YOU yet, and therefore the position remains open. More than anything, in order to change your circumstances for the better, it certainly helps if you see the unfavorable circumstances, of which you are currently in, as a catapult, rather than a barrier. You may not be where you want to be right now, but viewing your current position in a positive light, is the beginning of getting to your ultimate destination. I’m not living in my own apartment in New York City, like I was (or still should be) before suffering a massive stroke. But, in the mean time until I get back to that day dream, I am living in a wonderful home that allows me the space and time for self growth, physical recovery, and enjoyable activities. Much of what goes on in our heads manifests in the outer world either positively or negatively. Since self fulfilling prophecy is indeed a thing, begin to prophesize good things for yourself. Whether BIG or small, You can achieve them all!
In anticipation of the events happening in the next two days, surely thousands have already worked out the plans they have for the next 365 ( or approximately 8,760 hours) to come. However, in your pursuit of self improvement remember that it’s a journey rather than a destination. As much as you’d like to fast forward to your goal completed, it would be a mistake to miss out on all the steps that took you there. Because each one holds in it a refinement of who you are, and no detail should be forgotten. It is within the work of self improvement that you’ll find the greatest lessons. Each New Year, thousands of confetti pieces ( a square inch in size) with wishes scribbled on them rain down on the heads of revelers in New York City’s Times Square. I should know as I was one of the hopeful Souls to write my wish on a little piece of brightly colored paper, along with others every Year. It seems sad that these sentiments will be swept away by street cleaners after the celebration ends. Yet even so, the authors of the wishes will not forget them. One wonders how many will come to pass, and how they will be fulfilled. By sheer self determination? By chance? By Life’s own serendipitous ways? It’s difficult to leave anything up to fate, as we tend to relish control. But,……. Newsflash! The only thing you truly have control of is your response to the circumstances of Life. So, you do get to choose. Will you choose to be defeated or work towards victory? When your carefully laid plans are unexpectedly derailed, how will you choose to respond? This is as important of a question as it is to chart your goals for the coming Year. Because as any survivor of trauma will tell you, plans change, people change, and you will change right along with them. And that’s okay. In fact it is inevitable that you will change in the face of a derailment. Except, in which direction will you choose to change? For the better, or for the worse? If the goals you set for this coming Year go terribly awry will you choose to work towards them irregardless? Or in a dark mood, will you scrap them? I have a better (and diifficult) suggestion. Keep going after them. Not only will this help maintain your motivation, but guess what? In spite of a perceived loss, you will gain, gain, gain.
People call it making plans, ambitious people call it making goals, and Mystics call it what you’re conscious of being brought to Life by your subconscious. However, whatever you call it, it is at its most basic level the Life you are currently leading. The problem with making plans is that plans can change, you may fail to reach your goal, and ultimately no one has a handle on it all. Personally speaking I’m a goal setting and achieving type of person. However, what happens when a near death experience( in my case) throws those set goals out of whack and lays waste to your carefully set path? What do you do? How can you cope with the inevitable bad feelings? Well, save for inventing a time machine, you’ve got to figure it out. Here’s something I’ve concluded after years of therapy, multiple self help books under my belt, and rebuilding my path. It is not in the quantity of the stuff you have, or the years you’ve got to live. It’s in the QUALITY of them. I now put real time and effort into everything I do. I’d rather get to know someone deeply than just on a surface level, I consider what the impact is of everything I eat or purchase on others, and the Earth. Because it’s not always about you. In fact, most people are pre-occupied with themselves. Funnily enough, the less you think only about yourself and more about others you are the one who will benefit! Having faced immense difficulties I don’t consider the loss, I focus on the gains. Rather than have perished from the stroke at 28, I’ve lived another ten years. That’s 3,650 days where I opened my eyes, breathed in, made plans, and felt the warmth of the sun brush across my skin. At one very scary point in time those days could’ve been considered borrowed. Therefore, it is not lost on me to slow down and really soak in the days I have. Time is our most precious and unrenewable resource, so consider carefully how you spend it. Choose the things which bring you light rather than darkness, the things that bring others closer rather than push them away, and give, give, give! I promise you it will always come back to you double. So, don’t fear giving from your heart in order to fill it.
There is no Multiverse, but there are multiple versions of you. Throughout your Life, within every person that’s been close with you, lives a version of you from that time period. Every version is different, and they culminate into the person you are in this moment. After I suffered a debilitating stroke, I wanted the versions of myself that lived in my friends minds to be what existed in the current physical realm. Therefore, I actually hid from some people, preferring to be the version that they remembered over the version of me that is. This sentiment crossed my mind again more recently upon the impending reunion with a long time friend. However, I pushed those notions away in favor of anticipation. Where I once wanted to stay hidden away in favor of a memory was no more. Because, I’ve realized staying stuck as the same version in someone’s mind correlates to being stuck in the here and now. There is no growth in that. Besides, with the right person you won’t be afraid to be yourself. Even if I was in a wheelchair, they could see me walking. Even though my left side may be currently paralyzed, they could see me moving fluidly. In fact, whatever the current physical reality was, they would see me. And, just the same, I would see them! That’s the beauty of knowing. It’s not that we have the ability to recall a preferred version of each other, but rather that we can see each other through whatever version we are currently inhabiting. The ability to do this with one another is not only true authenticity, but it’s what creates a safe place. It is a space in which we can be messy. A place in which we can be vulnerable. A place in which we can truly share a laugh. Furthermore, one in which, failure is okay and successes are celebrated. My wish is not to be an old version of myself that is remembered by someone, but to be brave enough to shatter that memory and replace it with who I am today. More importantly I hope to always have people in my Life that I can do that with, and I hope you do too!
