April 7, 2015

F is for Fear

I realize I have not been completely honest with you dear reader. In my definition of strength, I thought it meant you had to remain a pillar toughing it out on your own remaining positive. While I am quite hopeful and idealistic, no man is an island. On the surface the water is calm. However, drop a rock of fear in and the ripples of doubt and worry unfurl into a large splash. If I let one little pebble of fear in they quickly accumulate into a boulder. Since I began reading this book(look!) my definition of strength is changing. Because, in the act of going it alone and not asking I’ve essentially left people out rather then let them in. The truth is when this tragedy occurred to me I had a lot to lose)and since I awoke in a Hospital rehab it has been a small step away from spiraling into a black hole. I’ve gotten quite good at shutting my thoughts off. If one little pebble of fear does eke it’s way in it’s a slippery slope. Therefore, you have to find things to keep looking forward to. All of a sudden a mall trip actually becomes a lifesaver(I don’t even like malls) the key is distraction. Besides distraction it becomes imperative to surround yourself with positivity and keep it near. Not only is positivity a must, but so are good people. One of the strongest forces in this universe is love and during difficult times you can’t get enough of it. If you truly love people enough they will give you everything. In other words it’s not about material belongings or gifts but human connection. All of us are asking, “Do you see me?” As most of us know already(I hope) material goods are of little use or value if your not happy and healthy. I found myself so detached from consumerism( quite a change for me!) that my Mother had to tell me to quit giving things away. When the winds of life pushed me onto a different path I seriously began to question the need for anything but the essentials. When I was in my early twenties, I scrawled this quote in black sharpie(of course) on my wall “ The best thing to do with the best things in life is to give them away.”-unknown. If I remove a picture on my wall it’s still there and how funny it is that this message from the past to my future self still holds true, take that Back to the Future! If something I have can bring happiness to someone else, I can’t give it to them fast enough. It has boiled down to, rather then a new sweater I’d rather make someone happy. Life is for sharing not accumulating things. It reminds me of the junk troll in The Labyrinth.

She roamed David Bowie’s magical kingdom with a heavy load on Her back. Rather then making the load more weight bearing, I’m attempting to get rid of mine. I want to breathe lightly and clear. It’s the air filling our lungs that keeps us alive. More burdens steal your breath. Whether it’s meditation, church, or remaining idealistic and positive that helps you breathe, whatever lightens the load for you keep playing that hand.

I leave you with a lovely tune,

[youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HmRDM7GyJXE&w=420&h=315%5D

March 24, 2015

Let’s be Realistic

“We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars.”― Oscar Wilde.

Let’s face it, “reality bites.” Why else would Winona Ryder star in a movie of the same title? Being realistic is great, but it can also limit you. Imagination coupled with ambition or chutzpah is far better. Granted being realistic is good, I find a balance between reality and imagination is far better. If I were realistic, I would’ve missed out on some of the best things in my life so far. Realists be damned, but taking a leap of faith in the direction of your dreams is far more rewarding then being practical! Perhaps this makes more sense to the dreamers, but whatever you are too much “reality,” will limit you. Because, there’s nothing like reality to take the wind out of your sails. Over the years and even more so now I’ve culled an almost innate ability to ignore the naysayers. The proof is in the pudding, because each time I took a risk that I was warned about and it worked out this just fueled me to take more. I suppose I’m very blessed that they worked out. However, aside from the supernatural I found that higher thinking also helped. You’d be surprised how much you can do when you put your mind to it and ignore your fears. Our brains are pliable nearly our entire lives(it’s called neuroplasticity) this means we can continually learn and shape ourselves. To take advantage of this try to think outside of the box and don’t be afraid of the word “No,” or failure. Even if your on the bottom, you can only go up! One of the larger things I’ve noticed during my recovery, is how often I see perfectly capable people hold themselves back solely in their minds. A fact that has continually bothered me because I have witnessed people with missing limbs not even be held back from running so to speak.Many people are blind to the fact that they have the world at their fingertips. If I could magically do one thing, I’d like to open their eyes to this reality of having limitless possibility. Imagine how much farther you’d go if you heard or said “Yes,” more. Reality has a way of trying to clip your wings if you let it, so don’t let it! Submerge yourself in the possible instead of impossible. Even making a goal list, beginning with small things will help you gear up to conquer the larger ones. It’s funny how beginning with “Do laundry today,” can lead into get a motorcycle license. Because that goal can be just as simple or mundane as doing laundry. A mountain is only as large as you see it being.

Cheers and have no fear!

March 19, 2015

Love lockets on a fence..

“Our prime purpose in this life is to help others. And if you can’t help them, at least don’t hurt them.”

― Dalai Lama XIV

If I have learned anything on this healing journey it’s that like a fence were all linked together. The influence of a few can be felt by many. Imagine a world where helping one another was commonplace. Perhaps that’s my 1950’s pipe dream. However, I’ve seen the difference it’s made in my life so I can only conclude that it would revolutionize the world. If We could just envision our connections more clearly, perhaps We would see how paying it forward only benefits us. Even the notion of holding the door open for someone else, it all adds up. I remember loving every act of kindness I witnessed in otherwise pretty selfish environments. From a young gentleman giving up his seat on the subway, to the girl helping a woman haul Her baby carriage down the treacherous stairs. Each of these acts may seem insignificant, but imagine if they ran rampant. The way a society treats the least of it’s members(i.e. the elderly,children,animals,the handicapped) reflects it as a whole. I’ve even witnessed a pair of homeless men helping out another with no legs on the New york subway at 3 a.m! Those who haven’t struggled themselves fail to see others who are currently in a struggle. Personally I’ve been rich, I’ve been poor,and I never saw as much as when I was poor. For what seems much longer, but for about two years I have been living as a handicapped individual. In this position it’s easy to be overlooked and feel frustratingly helpless. I’ve noticed much more the people that open the door, go out of their way to help, and even kind words. On the other hand it’s been even easier to see acts of selfishness. There are even forays into the science of being selfless.(see here! Those who possess more selfish qualities fare worse in terms of survival in the wild. What does that tell you? Could not the same be said about humans? After all no man is an Island. Just as lovers that symbolically padlock themselves together on a fence in Paris, throwing the key into the river, so are We connected. My guess is there’s no finding that key anytime soon so We should at least make the best of it until the fence rusts away or the padlock gets cut off!

Cheers and kitten ears,

March 14, 2015

Love is all You Need

“A dream you dream alone is only a dream. A dream you dream together is reality.”

― John Lennon.

Through what has been a harrowing journey, I think one of the many bigger things I have learned is that if you have a choice, when you choose love you can’t lose.

As you probably already know, we are all connected like the synapses of our brains, paper chain dolls, and even the cosmos. Much like them we too, shine on.

I rarely like to ask for things, but plainly put,(Donate button on the right please) I need your help fellow humans.

This request stems from my journey in learning how to walk again from being half paralyzed.Early on in rehab, I used to pretend I was walking across the Brooklyn Bridge(not an indoor track rife with grandmas and grandpas)for motivation. However as I have gotten better, regained my balance, and amped up my determination I want to make this daydream a reality. Because when things are bad you can push through them to the other side. As a demonstration of this I want to walk all 1.1 miles of the bridge with friends and family to celebrate life, raise stroke awareness,and inspire others to cross their own bridges in life My hope is to do it in the Fall, but if funds won’t allow it will have to wait.Thus, if you will each raise up your hands, I could crowd surf safely across them to the stage.

[youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F3qvosHHcWc&w=560&h=315%5D

Love&Cheers,

March 12, 2015

Color Me Happy

“It’s kind of fun to do the impossible.”-Walt Disney.

My parents were warned I may not live,and I was in a coma. However, I did live and eventually woke up. Now what do I want to do? Well, Ladies and Gentleman a 5K(3.106 miles) because it was believed that I may never be able to do such a thing. Even before I had the massive stroke I had wanted to do a color run. It is a for profit organized run inspired by the Indian festival of Holi(see here)iPerhaps I’m a sucker for gimmicks, but it looks fun and benefits charity From my point of view, Upon finding one near me I signed up and registered, and even getting my Dad to sign up! That is a shining example of the kind of strong support I have. Because my Dad is willing to get covered in colors and even glitter.! I almost didn’t live,had to learn how to walk again,and faced many naysayers. After hearing Doctors and sometimes even therapists tell me what I could and couldn’t do it would have been easy to lose hope or believe them. Except luckily it began to have the opposite affect on me. I was becoming quite the rebellious child. When you so often hear what you can’t do,either a resilience builds up in your soul or a fierce determination makes itself known. While I have always been rather determined, I didn’t know exactly how strong I was until that was the only choice. These days that determination is ever stronger and with a solid streak of rebellion. Because when I’m told I can’t do something, naturally I want to do it. By doing this run(or walk) I wanted to push through the “impossible.” All too often we are told what we can’t do, but what about what we can? I’ve been blessed that for every naysayer I’ve had a friend or loved one that told me the opposite. With love anything is possible. We just don’t hear that enough. So what do you do when people think you can’t walk? The answer is to run a 5K!

Pssst enjoy this glam video advertising this years Color Run too!

[youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YzFU-Nt1_po&w=560&h=315%5D

Shine on,

February 25, 2015

It Ain’t Easy Being Green

“Kids don’t remember what you try to teach them. They remember what you are.” -Jim Henson.

We all know the pangs of jealousy by the time were deemed adults. However, for some of us the green monster left it’s former residence from under our beds and instead follows us around. I used to over analyze and compare myself and that old neighbor would sneak up on me. Except after I had the realization that everyone has a hard time in one way or another, you simply cannot compare yourself. Besides I have grown to like who I am, problems and all. Of course I’m not completely devoid of conflicting emotions, but when that green monster becomes so small you nearly forget about him the world gets better. When Life lacks the presence of jealousy it’s freeing. To no longer worry or compare oneself leaves you loads more time and moments to focus on yourself. Pretty soon you’ll find that when jealousy leaves so does envy. Now were talking not just more freedom, but the ability to run wild in the streets! The less you let these petty emotions dwell in your heart the more room you’ll have for love. Not only for yourself but also for other people too. I have found my lack of jealousy or envy to be refreshing.Firstly I don’t bother wasting as much time any longer. The elimination of that distraction and more time has culminated in being more content and focused. It has allowed me to experience more happiness and brainstorm more ideas that excite me. When I was able to shrink the green monster into a more manageable size He bothered me less and less. Oddly enough what did the trick was ignoring him. Rather then his voice becoming louder it slowly quieted down. As I get further and further away from being a child, I learn that perhaps I was actually more intelligent back then! Surely I was even more straightforward, honest, and not afraid to blurt out the truth and nearly embarrass someone. The difference now being that I have more tact. However, it turns out Kermit the frog had a valuable life less to share with me after all these years. Sometimes going backwards allows you to better move forward. Not unlike those wind up cars you pull back, only to let them go and send them flying forward. Soon after the massive stroke(see here) I complained nearly everyday that I was going backwards rather than forward like I should be. However, I’m beginning to see that going backwards is not so terrible after all. Besides as it turns out, I was more open,content, and smarter as a kid!

Cheers and childhood years,

February 16, 2015

Road To the Heart

“One belongs to New York instantly, one belongs to it as much in five minutes as in five years.” -Tom Wolfe.

I passed out on a bathroom floor in upstate New york and woke up in a Hospital near my parents house in Michigan. A distance of 650 miles from the place that I called home. Needless to say I was swimming in a sea of hopelessness and loss. I had been unfortunate enough to have had a massive stroke, which nearly killed me and was seemingly making my dreams of returning to my beloved city all but impossible. Suddenly the idea of time passing terrified me. With each new day rather than look at the possibilities I thought of all the things I missed or was missing out on. As far as I was concerned the prime of my life had been stolen and was getting spent sitting in waiting rooms, at a therapy, or in Doctor offices. Recently I had the chance to go back and visit my old neighborhood of Astoria Queens. Rather then saying “goodbye,” as my Mother suggested I chose to say “See you later.” Luckily I found that not much had changed in the neighborhood, which quelled my fears of the world changing drastically without me to be a part of it. I was somewhat apprehensive before the day of visiting arrived, mostly because I was worried I would become very sad. However, once I had arrived there everything was as I remembered and thus it was actually comforting. All the time I spent living in fear of missing out was dashed. I chose to use this visit for motivation rather than defeat. I navigated the neighborhood easily(as I know it!) and arrived to a dinner with close friends.

Afterwards I left to have a toast in my first apartment there.( Photo Below, right)

My former roommate and I laughed as We reminisced and spoke of the neighborhood changes. In many ways I felt as if I hadn’t been gone at all. For months all I wanted to do was return to the city I love and I believed it was lost to me.It’s very easy to buy into the naysayers that do nothing

but instill doubt. Luckily though, I have some people that remind me of the YES. The visit was not only to see friends but to

get a surgery that would make a difference in the speed of my “road trip,” back East. Thanks to the love and support of many they’ve kept my gas tank full and the motor running. In many ways were all on a “road trip,” I just happened to break down along the way, experienced a delay, and had to take a detour. Along with me in my vehicle each of my friends and family wrote me a letter ordrew me a picture. Every now and then I figure out that these individual pages fit together, and wherever one is missing I write my own. Soon enough it appears that it’s becoming an Atlas that’s pointing me where I need to go. Earlier on the map was destroyed and I thought I’d never find my way back to where I wanted to go. Luckily though I have some angels on my side that seem to be well equipped with maps and

glue! Gastroteca Astoria below:

See you soon!

January 28, 2015

If I Had a Dollar (Why I Am a Feminist)

I found this on WordPressfreshly pressed and it’s just too good not to share! I think of the”f word,” everyday.

January 26, 2015

The Haunting

Every year right near my birthday I’m greeted with hearts and proclamations of romantic love. Usually I’m not only close to celebrating my birthday but also somehow always single. Needless to say, over the years I have built up an emotion resembling contempt for this hallmark holiday. However, this year even when stumbling upon a small collection of love notes(below) from an ex, I could find no ill will in my heart.The ghosts of Valentines past didn’t succeed in upsetting me.

Normally I would toss these sentiments away along with any reminders, gifts, any associated music files, their phone number, and pictures. Except this time I chose to not only keep them but I also read them over and remembered the sweet times. You may ask me“Why Grinch of Valentines Day would you do such a thing!?” My reply would perhaps be confusing for you fellow Grinch’s but nevertheless maybe my heart grew two sizes( and my brain) so as a result I felt no contempt.While the who’s ran around throwing their heart confetti everywhere and chattering about upcoming dates I had a date with reality. The truth is no matter what your status is this holiday, it really doesn’t matter as long as your happy even if it’s with yourself. Although these things would normally make me sad, I’m simply not because I no longer waste my time being forlorn over someone that was too daft to recognize my beauty. You most definitely shouldn’t either!The world’s population stood at 7.125 billion people in 2013.Don’t you think at least one of those humans might just fit your puzzle piece? That being said, clearly there is no shortage of available suitors. Now my dear friend it’s just a matter of serendipity. Having this knowledge has helped me to completely avoid any forlorn nonsense. Because life can be navigated on a Vespa motorcycle fitted for one too! Some moments have been devised solely for your consumption.If your ever feeling really blue during this very pink holiday, just seek out the nearest couple arguing in public, which is guaranteed to help you feel better( works for me) because your not the one making a spectacle of yourself. If you choose not to spend your time toiling away on anti-valentines day cards this year at least go on a date ( with a bestie) and enjoy some time well spent. Furthermore rather then looking for love outside of yourself try turning your gaze inward. You have nothing to lose and a world to gain when you learn to truly(finally) love yourself.

This ones for you:

Cheers!

January 23, 2015

Have Company?

I wish the question “What do they sell at Walmart,” was uttered by more people other than just Paris Hilton on an old reality show(the simple life) unfortunately all too often big business is killing the little guys. As a friend of mine described herself “part punk rock and part hippie.” I too possess this dichotomy. Besides quirky coffee shops and d.i.y markets like the Rustbelt Market (See here!) I also love the handcrafted movement.More recently I’ve found this little gem in Grand Rapids Michigan.They not only have artist residencies, a gallery, and loads of handcrafted goods but they’re online too! (Shop!?)

Photo Above: My Have Haul

Good Vibes Oil by Moon Rivers Natural
Activated Charcoal Mask by Moon Rivers Natural
Hand knit headband by resident&artist Marlee

Women Artists Volume 2 interviews& illustrations by Naomi Elliot

As individuals we should have goods as individual as we are.Were not cookie cutter beings. Not only does shopping small enrich our landscape and support local businesses but also helps the economy here and abroad(fair trade coffee anyone?) Those quaint little neighborhoods don’t have to be a thing of the past.

Shop small and independent,