I realize I have not been completely honest with you dear reader. In my definition of strength, I thought it meant you had to remain a pillar toughing it out on your own remaining positive. While I am quite hopeful and idealistic, no man is an island. On the surface the water is calm. However, drop a rock of fear in and the ripples of doubt and worry unfurl into a large splash. If I let one little pebble of fear in they quickly accumulate into a boulder. Since I began reading this book(look!) my definition of strength is changing. Because, in the act of going it alone and not asking I’ve essentially left people out rather then let them in. The truth is when this tragedy occurred to me I had a lot to lose)and since I awoke in a Hospital rehab it has been a small step away from spiraling into a black hole. I’ve gotten quite good at shutting my thoughts off. If one little pebble of fear does eke it’s way in it’s a slippery slope. Therefore, you have to find things to keep looking forward to. All of a sudden a mall trip actually becomes a lifesaver(I don’t even like malls) the key is distraction. Besides distraction it becomes imperative to surround yourself with positivity and keep it near. Not only is positivity a must, but so are good people. One of the strongest forces in this universe is love and during difficult times you can’t get enough of it. If you truly love people enough they will give you everything. In other words it’s not about material belongings or gifts but human connection. All of us are asking, “Do you see me?” As most of us know already(I hope) material goods are of little use or value if your not happy and healthy. I found myself so detached from consumerism( quite a change for me!) that my Mother had to tell me to quit giving things away. When the winds of life pushed me onto a different path I seriously began to question the need for anything but the essentials. When I was in my early twenties, I scrawled this quote in black sharpie(of course) on my wall “ The best thing to do with the best things in life is to give them away.”-unknown. If I remove a picture on my wall it’s still there and how funny it is that this message from the past to my future self still holds true, take that Back to the Future! If something I have can bring happiness to someone else, I can’t give it to them fast enough. It has boiled down to, rather then a new sweater I’d rather make someone happy. Life is for sharing not accumulating things. It reminds me of the junk troll in The Labyrinth.
She roamed David Bowie’s magical kingdom with a heavy load on Her back. Rather then making the load more weight bearing, I’m attempting to get rid of mine. I want to breathe lightly and clear. It’s the air filling our lungs that keeps us alive. More burdens steal your breath. Whether it’s meditation, church, or remaining idealistic and positive that helps you breathe, whatever lightens the load for you keep playing that hand.
I leave you with a lovely tune,