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Just Kids

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         “If you carry your childhood with you, you never become older.”

-Tom Stoppard

So, why did  you grow up?  As kids, we were all in a hurry to be a “grown up.” Anticipating staying up as late as we wanted and eating ice cream for breakfast. However, once we got there it turned out that eating healthy and getting regular sleep was more sensible. What happened to our freedom of choice as grown ups? Even more so, where did that childhood wonder run off to? The World played its  hand in eking out most of it from us through time. Those of us that managed to hold on to some of it, flourished in  our levels of happiness and were called “easily amused.”   The presence of an overactive imagination and silly sense of humor faded out with our dislike for taking baths. As those traits began to fade, we acquired new ones of stress and responsibility. With the age of a grown up finally reached and all the new freedoms, why did we restrict ourselves!? Did the popular opinion  to  sway towards being boring come from jealousy?  Perhaps the majority was envious of the minority who managed to retain some of that magical  childhood  spunk.  The world is far easier to navigate if you can  manage to evade the sinister stress monster or find the magic in the mundane. Both  of which are qualities we had as children that the jealous world attempted to rob us  of. How could we let this happen? Generations have come and gone having forgotten about their childhood dreams. Didn’t anyone get the memo that we’re allowed to do whatever we want now!?  While unfortunately you do have to conform to the World’s system, you don’t have to conform to its mindset. Try to find that stubborn  little kid inside and  don’t  fear the path of resistance. Most will choose the path of least resistance, which usually leads nowhere all that wonderful. We may have been  forced or in a hurry to grow up, but this is one instance where being behind  is actually beneficial.

find your *magic* and keep it!

          bleu

Happy Holidays

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“Our prime purpose in this life is to help others. And if you can’t help them, at least don’t hurt them.”      -Dalai Lama

“ So this is Christmas and what have you done?” asks a pensive  John Lennon in his song also known as Happy Xmas(War  is Over.

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With the upcoming holidays and the world on the brink of what seems like another war, this 1963 song seems eerily relevant today. Around the globe the coming of the new year is met with  holiday celebrations and the symbolism of a fresh start. Instead of looking back, consider the future rather then harbor any regrets,  and instead make up your mind to change them  as you move forward. The impending holidays also bring to the forefront of people’s minds the spirit of  altruism. While We can’t all spend our days giving 100% of ourselves to charity, We can at least vow to be a  positive influence on ourselves and others, rather then a  negative one. As humans it’s all too easy to be self centered, and our  selfishly motivated decisions can sometimes hurt others.  What many people don’t fully realize is that in helping others you actually help yourself too. Therefore in giving you’re also receiving, it’s a win-win situation! As  the new year brings with it renewed motivation for personal goals, why not with it a new vision? A vision that is geared more towards equality, peace, positivity, and altruism. The consideration We have for the good of mankind should be in the forefront more then once a year, or  only reserved for when a tragedy strikes. The  larger question that looms is  “Can  these  things be brought about  on a regular basis, rather then just by Santa Claus or  new year resolutions?” The good news is that you don’t have to wait for someone else to answer this question, because you can. Each of us has a choice everyday rather then just once a year to   pursue  dreams, set new goals, be a positive influence , and  to help others. Don’t just meet each new year with  zest and motivation but how about each new day?

Tomorrow is new   and cheers!

bleu

 

Warning: Perspective changes ahead.

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“True love is like ghosts, which everyone talks about and few have seen.”

-Francois de La Rochefoucauld.
 
Is my life better since I almost died? I don’t think so, or at least I didn’t see the value or purpose of the last three years. I believed that  I would’ve been enjoying life more (and having successes, and had plans) had the ordeal not occurred. How true it is that life happens while your making other plans.  However, there is still gold to be found amongst utterly horrible unenviable circumstances. When life attempts to knock you out, you have to come back at it with fists flying. Even though you may  be weary, there is still strength to be found in the indomitable human spirit. Even professional fighters with bashed in faces can still see. I’ve come to find that material belongings have no real value in the big picture. Money itself is  just paper. It is not material goods, not  gossip, social status, some daft guy, nor pridefulness. Instead it is the people and relationships that come to your aid. Nothing brings about true gems like a death defying situation, or dire need. It is those   people who remain in your corner of the ring, that are priceless. How they shine in the noon day sun of love to be seen from miles around. It is those that  stay in your corner, the friends, and vehement supporters that deserve  your recognition and time. Therefore, don’t wait until  you nearly die to see them for what they are.
-Cheers wherever you are,
bleu

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keep walking

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“Instruction does much, but encouragement does everything.” -unknown.

We all  need encouragement  to accomplish our  dreams, pursue a goal, lose weight, or simply just to be assured that were doing okay. Throughout my recovery I have met many a cheshire cat(Alice in Wonderland) that helped to point the way and encourage me I was on the right path. In particular one of them happened to be a child. Since children are unencumbered by the burdens of adults and can see more clearly, I   certainly took his words as wise. I found myself in the sanctuary of a church in Redding California(long story) it was Bethel  Church to be exact. It was here  amid music and a general strong sense of  God in the room, that I was approached by two young children with  an adult. They proceeded to  kindly bring me out of my thoughts, and  with the young boy holding a piece of paper in hand,  began to explain that they were looking for me all morning. I was  completely unaware that while I was carrying out my day, somewhere a child held some encouragement for me in his hands. Just a few weeks prior I had tried to walk on a treadmill and it went badly, because I found that I  could not  really do it. What ensued was a lot of discouragement, due to that perceived failure. However, when the little boy turned that  piece of paper over, it was to change.  I was told that in the morning during prayer, He received a picture and decided to draw it. They had been looking all morning to find the person whom it was for, and  upon seeing me  He  found the pictures intended recipient. Now what could possibly be on this paper for me? a treadmill!

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On the back of this picture He wrote simply  the word “legs,” in quotations and went on to explain what the picture meant. The treadmill  brought with it the message to keep going, not to give up, and that I would be healed soon. Just when one could begin to feel forgotten, here was some divine intervention. I don’t believe in coincidences, so  for me this clearly wasn’t one. With my mouth slightly ajar it  became evident to me that there is always someone looking out for you. Sometimes it feels as though your the only one struggling, or that your alone. However, as evidenced by this picture your not forgotten and there is always hope.   A new development in my recovery, is that I have been able to  walk on the treadmill(same one I failed at before. The picture is now framed in front of it. This story is  for everyone as a simple reminder that you are not alone nor forgotten. Wherever there is dark shine a light.

Cheers!

bleu

The source

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“Faith. It does not make things easy, it makes them possible.” -unknown.

From time to time people tell me I’m amazing or very strong,but  it is the source of how I became this way that deserves a  mention. If I was unaware of how loved I am, my confidence could falter, and I might actually buy into that little voice in my head that attempts to negate me. Many of us have that small voice that likes to tell   us  that  we can’t accomplish  anything, were not good enough,or that something will never happen   that we desire. Unfortunately, for some people that  small voice can  seem much  bigger than it  is. I’ve learned that the negative voice is just a like a lion walking around roaring seeking whom He may devour(Peter 5:8). If you stand strong  against it, and speak the opposite of what it tries to tell you, it will wither away with it’s tail between it’s  legs. You can only be devoured if you do nothing  and accept it. Therefore, stand strong on the knowledge that you’re worthy and loved. It’s much more difficult to push over a  house that’s  laid it’s foundation on a rock. So stand firm and  move ever forward on your path to victory, whatever that may be for you.  My strength comes from  the knowledge of God. I have experienced  a miracle, and seen  too many small ones along the way, not to take notice that I have  someone looking out for me(on Earth  and in the sky!) In that I have found continual strength to face the day and persevere.  If I was completely unbelieving or unaware, I don’t think I would be as far along as I am. In fact I would’ve  been committed to  a psych ward by now(this almost happened, almost) Before I had a massive stroke, my  Sundays were reserved for sleeping in, or whatever else I wanted to do. However, armed with the knowledge of the light of the universe(God,love) I’ve stayed strong on my path  of recovery.  Even when the darkness seems to  envelope you, there is always   a small light that it cannot completely overcome. For example, imagine  a windowless  auditorium  in which there is a single lightning bug(see here) flying around. Every eye in attendance would drift to that little bug, and no matter how dark the darkness is, it  can’t put out the light  coming from  it.

be  that  little bug!

bleu

Innocence

This is so true, we’ve made a mess of love. Where did it all go wrong?

Ordinary Objects

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“To the world you may just be someone, but to someone you may be the whole world.”

It’s strange and  sometimes emotional when I unexpectedly(or expectantly)stumble across  objects from my life in New York City. Essentially, while I was in a coma(not knowing if I would live)friends and  family  packed up my belongings and my apartment. So there I was out of commission and my life(hanging in the balance)packed away into numerous boxes. They made the trek from New York, to New Jersey,and then Michigan. While I  eventually   followed them. From time to time, I will be doing something and randomly see or find something that  used to live in my New York apartment. With each object I find,it opens  up the  flood gate of memories. I can remember when I bought it,where it was from,what I did that day,and see it in it’s  place in my apartment. Every  object holds a story. Since my life has taken a radical turn, these objects afford me the feelings that I imagine a true explorer gets.  When my eyes and fingers touch upon an object from my life before the  massive stroke, I feel like an Alien discovering something from a past civilization,of a time gone by. This is because  the situation I’m in now seems so unreal. Although the objects are not foreign to me,in some way they are. Why? Because  before I was completely unaware of the reality that I’m enduring now. This has  given me the point of view of an outsider. When I’m holding  something in my hand(or gaze) I can actually take it in as if it weren’t mine. Leaving me to see it in a   new way.  In  the  way that an explorer might see something and wonder what kind of life it once had. Although I know the life of my own belongings, I miss the girl that bought them. I’ve been in what seems like  an alternate  universe for the past two years. I’ve been working on bringing that girl back from the other universe. I remember everything,but even so I worry I’ll forget. I don’t want to forget what it feels like to be able to walk freely,tie a shoe,run,jump,and generally be able to control  my body. Those objects remind me of the girl I used to be(physically)and I want Her back. I even think back to how oblivious I was to the struggles I now face(and have) wishing I  could somehow eke out some of  those feelings back into the present. How  fortunate I  was to be  unaware of the things I know now! Those objects hold this other  universe within them. I wonder what  I  would do if I had known then, what I know now. Ah,yes it’s the  age old question,and the answer is  everything. We take  so much for granted, that it’s so important to live and enjoy life as much as you can.

Cheers!

bleu

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