Where do you live? Which county, town, and city? We can all answer this question for one reason, and one reason only. Boundaries and limitations. As Humans we simply can’t stand not being labelled. We label everything, we need them. Due to this we can stand in nearly every location and give it a name or an address. But do you know who cannot do that? Animals. Animals, do not comprehend boundaries. For them, the World is their home. Perhaps, we should take a cue from them and just live, rather than theorize everything. I know that I need to do such a thing, and more than likely so do you. More importantly, is it possible to dissolve the boundaries in our minds? It is, it’s uncomftorable, and you’ll probably feel like a leaf in the wind. Should I tell you how I know this? Well….. after the Stroke happened to me, my plans and sense of direction dissolved, so I had no choice but to learn how to drift on the wind gracefully. I tried my best to overcome uncertainty, I did my best to accept the change of my “plans,” and I definitely tried to circumvent the whole ordeal. But, like a Warbler (bird) in the woods, I had to fly about not knowing anything about the places where I landed, nor for how long I’d be there. Working on my balance? That flight was a bit delayed, and I’m still working on sticking the landing. You’d be shocked at how difficult walking feels, when your brain has decided to pretend that one side of your body doesn’t exist (i.e hemiparalysis) So, rather than be angry that my balance seems to constantly threaten me with falls, I am simply grateful to be walking at all. Just like with my balance, I’m also constantly working on getting better. Not just physically, but in everything. Whilst it is mainly physical improvement I strive for, I don’t forget something equally as important, that of my mind. After all, you may not walk a straight line to your end goal, but as long as you’re steering in that direction you will not fail to reach the desired destination!
Posts Tagged ‘stroke’
Autopilot
Dear Reader, I do not know you, but perhaps you need to hear this Today. How many times have you “forgotten,” to lock the door, unplug your curling iron, or check work emails? Only to find that you already did!? Many of us operate from our subconscious a.k.a on autopilot. We think that autopilot mostly runs during day to day tasks, -but- as I have found many times it also runs our emotions. As we grew up, our emotions also began to take root in a foundation, where autopilot can often operate from. For example, you may at a base level always expect(or suspect) rejection as a natural defense mechanism against disappointment. Or- if you’re especially well adjusted(not many of us are!) you may operate from a natural place of optimism, determination, or perseverance. The list is as endless as it is varied. The tricky part is, that we don’t often know or even realize when we’re on autopilot! Being unaware of this, it can have the power to stir up unpleasant feelings, complicate situations, or cause us to make incorrect assumptions. There is real danger to not recognizing that we have this “program,” running in the background. Especially because, just like in a computer, it could potentially be harboring a virus that harms our Lives and our ability to function successfully. The question is, how can we figure out our particular program, and work to make it healthy? Rather than figure it out by consistently making the same damaging mistakes, there is a much less consequential way to learn it. And for some of us, it may be uncomfortable. Ready? …… Deep Self Reflection! This doesn’t necessarily mean meditation either. Rather, taking a serious inventory of your current circumstances, how you got there, and where you want to go. Are there any noticeable patterns to your successes? Your failures? And in what ways, have these patterns ebbed and flowed to create your current stream of consciousness? Sometimes the realization will hit you during a familiar interaction(like me) after a Life altering event, or better yet, you’ll figure it out after taking stock and making a list of potential patterns. No matter how you figure it out, I urge you to do it. Why? Because, having such a tool in your box will only help you.
Dear Hope
Hello,
You and I have been acquaintences for some time. In the preceding years after my birth, I will admit that at times our relationship has been stronger than others. However, you have never completely waned from my Life. Nor have I ever given up on you completely. After I nearly died from an unexpected stroke, and once the fog that enveloped my brain had lifted, I needed you more than at any other time. Feeling like a ship adrift at Sea, I discovered that when I began to look for you as if for Land, you did not leave Me. In fact just as Earth’s crust has been steady underfoot for eons, you too did not falter. Rather (to paraphrase Jane Eyre) it was as if during the darkest night of my Life you had traversed in my sleep and left each morning brighter traces of your steps. The Day any person loses you completely, I’m convinced it will be the death of their Soul. Because, you bring light that helps piece the shards together of any broken mirror. You rouse one out of bed when they’d rather not face the Day. You inspire positive thoughts and outlooks for the future. Without you, I daresay we’d all be lost. Lost to overcoming. Lost to the ability of drumming up strength. Lost to trying in spite of insurmountable odds. Lost on the idea that a rising tide can lift ALL ships. Hope, I don’t know if YOU realize how important You are. And my wish is that Humanity always comes to your doorstep when they find themselves in need. Because, I know that whence they knock the door is surely opened.
Thank You.
Endurance
No one is brought up in this World and taught that Life is difficult from a young age. Rather we all seem to come to that belief later in Life! I used to wonder why after about age thirty ,it seemed that for most people there was a problematic decline in their level of optimism. Therefore, I vowed at an early age never to lose my child like wonder or become a cranky elderly person. Rather, I wanted to hold onto my optimistic view, youthful vigor, and appreciation for the small things. I’m actually proud to report that I’ve managed thus far to uphold my youthful promise to myself. It certainly hasn’t been of a conscious effort. Rather, I owe it to my natural disposition, sub conscious mind, and of all things a near death experience. While I’m admittedly not thankful for the vast number of physical difficulties(painful ones too) I have come to realize that there has been an immense strengthening during those stretches of time. In a way time stopped for me on October 12th, 2012 when I unexpectedly suffered a massive stroke. After that point, my plans for ages 28 and 29, were taken on an extended detour. I struggled to bridge the gap and maintain things for awhile, but- as Dylan sings “The times they are a changin,” and that’s okay. Because there is good news rolled into the bad news of that reality. It meant, my suffering(and yours) would not last forever, just as the good times don’t last forever. Although my plight could’ve led to imminent disaster, quite the opposite occurred. I found those cliche’ sayings to ring true. It really is the darkest before the dawn! For me it was a slow dawning to the realization that, in what I once saw as a complete loss, was actually a complete gain! A gain of time rather than the loss of it. A gain of appreciation for beauty rather than the ignorance of the beauty Life holds. Most importantly, a leap in wisdom that usually only old age or tough trials can bring. I don’t claim to know it all, quite the opposite. -but- I do know that if you look closely at the trials in your own Life, you’ll find the strength to overcome rather than be overcome.
Wherever you go, there you are
Little Drops of Water
“Life is not important, except in the impact it has on other lives,”
-Jackie Robinson.
Just as a minuscule drop of water falling into a pond creates a ripple that expands out until we can no longer see it; so do our lives in the oceanic universe. You may not be able to see how far reaching your actions are, but for every action there is a reaction. That being said, if your action is one of kindness, then the reaction you receive will be equally kind! It also serves to note, that people remember acts of grandeur no matter how small. One such act was made by a dog named Hachiko in the 1930s for His owner Hidesaburo Ueno. This tiny soul waited for nine years(that’s 3,285 days of His life) for His owner to return home from work. Today, a small bronze statue stands in remembrance of this story outside of the busy train station where this dog left so much of His love behind. How many people per day scurry past this unassuming statue without ever knowing the enormity of the story behind it? How many people or places have you scurried by without ever knowing their significance? Furthermore, how many people have not acknowledged your significance? Do you reckon, that if we could all slow down enough to actually see these things, Life would become more meaningful? Or perhaps, recognizing these things to be true, we’d discover increased value for and endeavor to create a better Life? One, that does not revolve on what we can get, but rather give. No matter how much I have supposedly given away, it has come back to me ten fold! A little known universal secret is that nothing you give away is ever truly lost. In fact, if you give with a heart of joy and gratitude you’re more likely to get it back and then some. Our society is entirely too focused on what we can get, or we get to keep. However, I have personally observed and experienced the opposite to be true. I have no qualms about “giving away,” money I don’t have, or extra time to volunteer; because it always comes back to me. If you don’t know already my Life itself was given back to me, and in many ways I’m living a second life! Rather than dying from a massive stroke in 2012 at the age of 28, I survived to continue on. Therefore, I’ve already been given more time, more money, and abundance. And I challenge you to share some of your abundance. Because, I promise if you slow down enough to look for it in your Life you will find it.
The Plight of Angels
The Formula.
“One day your life will flash before your eyes. Make sure it’s worth watching.” – Gerard Way.
I’ve been asked on many occasions, how I’ve dealt with a landslide of changes and perceived losses yet continued to move forward. That’s just it, perception. All of the things that were uncontrollable for me, could happen to anyone, but then again most people don’t have massive strokes in their twenties. As rare as such an event is(thankfully) it’s just as rare to survive it. Besides the initial question of how such a thing could happen, the question became what to do when it does. I have been attempting to answer that question for the last five years. At first it was just a matter of survival. While I don’t recall my time in intensive care my family certainly does. They and the medical team were fighting for me at the time. However, now that I’m able it’s my turn to enlist in the battle for myself. As I have steadily made physical and cognitive gains, many people are impressed. However, what they don’t fully realize is that anyone can achieve what I have, including them. There’s a formula. Once I became more fully aware of what had happened to me I became deeply depressed. Except at some point I knew that I couldn’t let that depression be a road block in my recovery. After all, I was in the fight of my life! When push came to shove, I wasn’t going to let the stroke continue to push me down. Certainly it did while I was still in the hospital. But now, I felt an obligation to getting my life back. It’s funny that after you’ve been railroaded, a great determination is built up in you as a result. I simply used this determination to kick some proverbial butt. Along the way I have set some lofty goals for myself. Even if I fail, I will have failed above other people because I’ve set the bar so high. In the last 1,825 days following my stroke I’ve met and had the pleasure of working with some of the most amazing individuals. Besides, the stroke really showing me what I’m made of, it has unveiled a different side of life. The side we often don’t notice and the places we oft ignore. It is in these places I have found beauty, love, friendship, and thankfulness. A lot of the formula boils down to gratitude and acceptance.
Practice gratefulness!
Follow the Yellow Brick Road
You’ve always had the power dear, you just had to learn it for yourself,” -Glinda the Good Witch.
This post will not be as long as my journey after stroke. Much like Dorothy’s house was picked up in a storm, my life too was hauled off. Except, it was by a stroke rather then a fictional tornado.
In surviving the fall from the sky, I seemingly eradicated the grim reaper much like Dorothy’s witch. In my travels since emerging from the wreckage, I too have been periodically tormented by fear. While fear is not easily destroyed by a bucket of water as in the film, it can be destroyed by dousing it with its opposite. The substance of love, hope, kindness, and healthy support. You must ignore that nagging voice in your head that insists everything will go wrong, you won’t be able to achieve your goal, and life is just happening to you. That’s a funny thing because you have the ability to exercise your will and build the road that you desire. The fear you encounter while working away on your goal can be diffused by declaring the opposite of what it’s trying to convince you of. In fact as you follow this path treating yourself with love, and receiving it from others, you’ll stumble across some breakthroughs. Not only will you experience breakthroughs, but you will also meet people to help you of an excellent caliber. People who possess hearts full of love, have infinite patience, and a true desire to help. You won’t meet these people while following the path of least resistance. As it turns out after surviving the equivalent of a thousand foot fall from the sky, you can learn to walk again(literally) just as a bird with a mended broken wing will eventually spread its wings and fly. Life doesn’t happen while you stand back and watch but when you press into it, even if it pushes back. Most of my success has happened when I dove into something head first. If you’re afraid then do it afraid! You’ll be surprised by just how much your capable of. However, if you let the fear lay a brick wall in front of you rather then a road you’ll never know. So as the song goes…. “Follow the yellow brick road, follow the yellow brick road, follow, follow, follow, follow…. And I’m pretty sure there are no lyrics concerning coming to a halt.
Cheers!
The Second Life is a Charm.
“First, I have to thank God for giving me the gift that he did as well as a second chance for a better life.” –unknown.
I’m only 33, but I’ve lived two lifetimes. Currently I’m on my second. In the first one I was a fiercely independent twenty something living in New York City, keeping busy, and working in a promising professional career. It was the beginning of my “adult,” existence. Living in a tiny room that I rented in a nice apartment in the best city in the world. I had a 401k under my belt, and nothing but big plans for the future in front of me. But of course, as they say “ Life happens while your busy making other plans.” And in my case, that saying proved to be true. Because I unexpectedly had a massive stroke and all those big plans suddenly fell through. In my second life I’m now a fiercely independent thirty something. Living in a pretty house in the woods, trying to figure things out, and life this time around has a lot less noise in it. However, despite my first go around I’m still making plans but they’re in a different vein. Rather then building on top of what I already have, I’m in the process of rebuilding. I used to despair over the loss of my former plans, but slowly I have begun to realize that in the new plans I can do anything. It’s similar to the joy I felt in moving to a new neighborhood where nobody knew who I was. I could go to the grocery store under dressed and not run into a soul I knew. The freedom of that was rather nice. Except, this time around that new neighborhood is practically the whole world. After the stroke I was thrust into a new plane of existence. I had a past but it did not define me, in fact I could choose to omit the parts of my past I did not favor. After the stroke it was as if most people were meeting me for the first time. There were no expectations or preconceived notions. I could tell them what I wanted and in being able to choose the past I liked, that eventually also meant I could choose whatever future I wanted as well. The massive stroke cleared the game board of my life so I was now free to set it up again how I liked. This by no means has been easy. In fact it’s the most difficult thing I have ever had to do. I am just now beginning to see the freedom in what I previously thought was a death sentence. My future is still bright, and this one single event does not hold true for every area of my life. Because, although life is short there is still plenty you can do with it. Therefore, aim to live yours to the fullest.
Life is a gift, savor the unwrapping of it!