Posts Tagged ‘stroke’

Staring Contest

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Never be bullied into silence. Never allow yourself to be made a victim. Accept no one’s definition of your life, but define yourself.”
– Harvey Fierstein.

How often  do you feel the unexpected gaze or stare of  a stranger? Well, I do quite  a bit. So much in fact that my usually non-violent  cute little cousin spouted off frustrated comments about one such incident. I believe the statement, “ I would kick Her in Her big dumb face,” was  actually used. As mean as that sounds it was very sweet because She was upset about the gawking of one particular Woman. I, on the other hand didn’t even notice it. I’m sure people wonder what in the  heck  happened to me, which is fine. It took a good while to feel okay about going out into public after the hospital due to the potential(and  actual) gawking. However,  I was told to hold my head high no matter what, and haven’t looked back since. Whether you feel particularly good  or awfully different that makes no difference. Because, either way you should carry yourself with esteem.  Your story is unknown to a stranger and certainly not their story.This is where unknowingly the Ray Bans tagline of “Never Hide,” is actually brilliant. At some point I decided people were staring because I’m so damn pretty, so there. This allowed any rude gawkers or gawking to quickly fade to black in  my  grand play of life. Understandably, my cousin is thirteen years old and has yet to learn this. Yet, people of every age could benefit from such an attitude! You don’t have to resemble a piece of beef jerky and wear stretch band waisted pants, and “special shoes,” before you stop caring what other people think. You can start doing that  right now and it is  freedom!    Just imagine it like when kids   pick their noses in public, “ We just don’t care people.” To  have that feeling  of freedom is pretty awesome. It means you can focus more on the important things and less on other people. Because, it is extremely likely the rest of the population is far too self absorbed to pay so much attention to you anyway. In those odd moments when they do, whether it’s for something spectacular(I do have Prada on, thanks!) Or  something a bit embarrassing, it’s totally okay just breathe and move on. Granted, we’d rather be thought of as mostly spectacular the latter happens sometimes too. It is in those moments, whether occasionally or perpetual, we learn to just get back up. Besides, what  somebody else eats does not give you a stomach ache unless you let it.  Therefore, focus on what’s on your own plate. This isn’t to say you should be self absorbed,  certainly not. Except, that sometimes what’s on your plate is more important than what they have on theirs. After all, they’re not living your life for you that’s  in your hands.

go pick your nose!

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Count the missing

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This is not about making sure all the school kids are back on the bus after a field trip. Rather it’s about focusing on what you don’t have and making that a  positive. Sometimes, depending on your circumstances  those things can be  extreme, but relevant nonetheless. If you pay attention to all the drug advertisements on television that alone should comfort you. Because, if you listen  carefully they’re  aimed at a lot of people that are less fortunate  than you. The hundreds if not thousands of people that have things like hepatitis C, lung disease, multiple sclerosis, crohn’s disease, chronic arthritis, pulmonary edema, and a lot of things that you can barely pronounce! All of them are bad, and guess  what?  Count yourself lucky if you don’t have  any of those things, because many people do; otherwise mass pharmaceuticals wouldn’t target them. All too often we focus on the inconsequential things that we lack. What  you don’t realize is, that there are many things that you’re lucky  not to have!   The world worships and lusts for the material, ignoring the fact that  those things are actually immaterial. In some way(even small) you must find comfort in the fact that you are free of disease, have all  your limbs, your sight, and most of  if not all of your mental faculties. Those things  are a blessing to me because, according to some doctors I stood to lose my mental faculties in some part, endure chronic pain, lose the ability to walk(but have my legs)  and lack creative ability. However, I am very much creative, walking, pain free, and as intelligent as ever, imagine that. I  can hardly comprehend how fortunate I am, and  likely neither can you. We are so unaware of our inherent privileges because we’ve always had them. My exposure to years of rehabilitation therapy has  not only shown me what I don’t have(or need to work on) but it has  also  highlighted what I  do have. While lamenting  the lack of use of my left hand(for now!)  while at therapy, I saw a girl who didn’t have a hand at all.  While some may rate my health as worse because of what happened to me, I feel quite the contrary.  Never, have I been as healthy, health conscious, or enjoyed working out so much! Had I  known before the accident what I know now, you’d never be able to get me away from the gym. Our bodies are  miraculous creations, and they can be pushed to new heights with our determination. Of course, it takes work and dedication, but it’s more than worth it. When you take care of your body well it will take care of you in ways you didn’t  imagine. We should love and show love to our bodies no matter  what the size. After this happened to me and I lost so much physical ability for a time, it  created a deep appreciation  within me for the things I   can(and am still able) to do. To neglect my body and it’s physical abilities would be a high crime. Therefore, everyday you wake up full and healthy don’t dare waste a minute of it! This life is a gift.

 walk in love,

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The Great Escape

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“Faces that have charmed us the most escape us the soonest.”- Walter Scott. 

Everyone had left the room, so in earnest my Grandmother and I  made a rope of tied together bedsheets,and I put Her on my back and  threw the sheets out of the window. Then  together We scaled down the side of the building and away to safety and into  a  world of happiness.  At least that’s what I envisioned as I sat next to my  dying Great Grandmother in a rehab facility bedroom. The family had come to the conclusion that She was soon to be departing Earth, so everyone had come to visit Grandma before She left. However, when I was left alone with Her  with this vision in my head, I started to describe the adventure We’d have together while She giggled. Of course in reality both of us were pretty much stuck in that room. I could no better sling Her on my back as much as She could make Herself young again. Sometimes, as hard as we try it seems impossible to change ourselves. Even though I wasn’t able to make our comic book adventures come true,  it doesn’t mean that  nothing else is possible. In reality  We can’t  all jump out of windows, even though in our dreams we can.  Luckily, in this  World our dreams are possible if  given the right environment and the chance. Even though I may not have been able to whisk my Grandmother away, Her wisdom still remains. One that taught me to to get up and  get dressed  to meet the day even when  no one is  going to see it. There’s something to be said for    an effort that  doesn’t beg for  attention  but is simply for ones self. This illustrates that you  don’t need validation from others to be complete.  At  whatever age until She was 97, my Grandmother got ready and dressed for the day even if She was alone just watching television. How appropriate that a Woman that had lived through the depression taught me to have class and to value what you have. By enduring an era that was so well acquainted with lacking She  learned to value and appreciate what  She did have. That’s something we all need to realize and work on.

stay classy!

bleu

 
 

Upgrade

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“Set high standards and few limitations for yourself.”- Anthony J. D’Angelo

Don’t you dare set a glass ceiling for yourself! We were made to spread like seeds and for  the good things we desire to multiply in our lives. The World  is limitations based on shortages. As evidenced by the mass media’s favorite things to report on; shortages and lack. However, don’t fall into the trap of evaluating yourself based  upon what other people say or limitations you place on yourself. Also, don’t let circumstances  shape you and adjust your goals to them. Don’t stop aiming for the “big ticket,” because currently your bank account doesn’t reflect the cost of said  big ticket. Rather than  looking at what you don’t have, focus on what you do have!  We tend to look more at what there isn’t than what there is.  Here’s  a  short list that’s sure to garner an increase of  what you desire:

1) Be thankful a.k.a gratitude.

2) Use what you have.

3) Bless what you have.

  Did you know that as babies we only have two natural fears?  They are falling  or being dropped and loud noises. However, a study done   on  700 Adults showed that they shared a common number of fears,(about 7,000) and that somewhere between birth and adulthood we had acquired thousands of fears.   We were not born to harbor fear and worry, the two main culprits responsible for  setting limits. We’re afraid of the future, afraid of what others may think, and afraid to take risks.  Personally, my biggest accomplishments came when I ignored any limitations or what people said. I would bet once you do the same, the sky’s the limit! Dear readers do not be conformed to this world, there are no limitations,only the ones we allow to be set in our lives.

Limit who?

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Here

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“Yesterday’s the past, tomorrow’s the future, but today is a gift. That’s why it’s called the present.” -Bil Keane.

You hear it often “be mindful, be present, and you should meditate.”  These aren’t just new age guru mumbo jumbo beliefs but they’re actually right!  I’d venture to guess that I’ve spent most of my life somewhere else, and definitely the past two years. In fact, the majority of us are not where we actually are at any given moment. Whether our minds are adrift or not, many times were wishing we were elsewhere. Either we are looking to the distant past or the near future. Our  “modern society,” is really talented at keeping most of us discontent with where we are, always wanting more. The funny thing is, when you stop wishing to be somewhere other than  where you are,  suddenly life becomes much more enjoyable!  When you let the  mind wander less and focus in more on your present surroundings, it allows you to savor  life and be in the moment. As an example, for many months I only wanted to be back in my beloved city of New York. However, once I chose to silence the noise, I realized that I was actually enjoying where I was. It’s easy to lose sight of where you are when advertisements and social media frequently remind you that you could be somewhere better. It’s as if we’re a rat  running through a labyrinth of distractions, all the while completely missing the point that lies in the center. When you take away all that noise suddenly the point is much easier to find. What I realized is, that New York City will still be there when I’m ready to return, but my Parents(with whom I live) won’t be. As much as I have griped and protested about my current situation, the fact is I have  had invaluable time spent with my family. One of whom supports and  loves me through it all. Therefore, I wish(not again!) that I’d realized this sooner. For if I had, the past few years would’ve been far less painful. When your mind wanders away from the present moment it really hurts you. Not only do you miss out on a part of your life, but also lose focus on your present goals. In a way it’s like self sabotage! By  looking  in a different direction you lose track of your chosen path, and lose ground(ie time. If your particularly goal orientated this is crucial to know! By being present and focused on your current situation, it allows you to see clearly the bull whose horns your going to grab.

focus & conquer!

bleu

The Girl who lived

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“Happiness cannot be traveled to, owned, earned, worn or consumed. Happiness is the spiritual experience of living every minute with love, grace, and gratitude.” -Denis Waitley.

If your familiar with Harry Potter at all, then you know about “the  boy who lived.”

To sum it up, He  was the very unlikely survivor of a dubious attack by the wizarding world’s most powerful wizard, Voldemort. Because of  this He garnered for himself tons of attention, along with  some unwanted expectations and unexpected responsibilities. I too, have faced my own  powerful evil wizard, but in the form of a massive stroke. Not only did surviving it garner me much attention as well, but also  an unexpected responsibility. Although I wasn’t asked to do anything specific, as I regained my mental prowess I  suddenly had a sense of responsibility. Because of what happened to me, I felt not only  that I should live to the fullest, but also that I  wanted  to share the good news with others that  needed to hear it. Now the fictional Harry Potter and I actually had something in common; We were not only survivors but we had lived, lived through unspeakable horrors, lived to tell the tale, and most importantly lived to inspire others. Unsuspectingly a sense of responsibility was thrust upon me, not because of what happened but in spite of it. I didn’t owe anyone anything, but I  had the need and desire to spread the hope, love, and strength  I  had found with others. If I  failed to do that, I felt it was a failure  to pay forward the gift I had been given. Other people needed to know what I knew as a result of tragedy and the occurrence of a miracle. Instead of paying forward our negativity or bad attitude, I sought to do the opposite. A nuclear event had happened in my life, and now I and others were sure to feel the after shocks. However, in some way, in the search to minimize the damage   I received grace. A grace that  allowed   me to prosper in  a  seemingly desert landscape of possibility. In  being given this seed of grace, I wanted to plant a forest of   hope, love, and light that would generate oxygen for all of us to breathe in. Therefore, nurture your own seed of  grace, so that it may grow into a beautiful forest we can all benefit from.

grow it!

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Help

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“Successful people are always looking for opportunities to help others. Unsuccessful people are always asking, ‘What’s in it for me?”

-Brian Tracy.

Sometimes We can’t do everything and have to humble ourselves. After  a lifetime of being stubborn and independent, having to ask for so much help was altogether humbling and produced a great patience in me. Before I was injured I did everything when and how I wanted to. However, in the hospital and after I had to have assistance and help with nearly everything. Not only was I not used to asking for help but it was painful having to wait so long(or seemingly) for everything. I even needed help to cut my own nails! I have never been all that patient, but now I had no choice but to be patient and gracious when things weren’t done how I’d normally prefer them.  It was not only difficult having to ask and then wait, but it made me feel set back as well. We live in a “I want it now,” society. Therefore, waiting  to do anything(especially everyday tasks) was excruciating. We all need help sometimes, but never to this extent.   To ask for so much help was not only humbling but a great teacher of patience.  Imagine having to wait  to do what you want, when you never really had to. The experience of this was not only a lesson but highlighted the fact that  We are definitely spoiled by convenience. Most of all  in my times of need little human Angels popped up everywhere. This was not only a lesson in patience and humility, but community too. We all need each other more than you realize. In fact after being put into such a situation, it was clear to me that we’d all be better  off if society valued the servant roles as much as the master roles. In our pursuit for control we  miss out on the beauty of a shared human experience. How much easier  and full of love would life be, if We all helped each other rather than only ourselves? After being in a place of so much need I now understand the importance of serving and helping others. I actually look  out  for and forward to opportunities to help someone. As well as look back at the times I had them and didn’t. To share in the life and joys of another, even a stranger is more fulfilling than living selfishly. For each person that went out of their way for me, they made my day better and it was done  for no personal gain. All  of these small acts of kindness are woven into a larger tapestry that creates our experience of humanity, and  all of humanity is better when We share it.

[youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yWP6Qki8mWc&w=420&h=315%5DIt’s a lesson I wish I would’ve learned sooner than later. For, had that happened I would have spent so much more time sharing my life with others who needed help at that moment. In doing so and giving of yourself, you gain so much more than what you give. Don’t wait too long to realize this but the sooner you begin the better!

Go, Angel Go!

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the domino effect

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“Sometimes by losing a battle you find a new way to win the war.” -unknown.

Positive catch phrases are as rampant as fast food chains in  the midwest. They  dot the landscape  with such  a  repetition you  don’t take notice of them or find them to be special in any way. Every so often though, in between these peddlers of obesity making people fat  with empty calories you actually find a restaurant serving real food. The many quotes and positive cliche’s  can be empty as well, but every so often you’ll stumble across something actually meaningful. We are so afraid of failure that  the pursuit of success has become its own institution, with sections of self help literature  taking up real estate in most book stores. Achieving success personally or publicly is a lucrative business and is held in high esteem socially.  Yet, failure still plagues humanity like a  disease, because we’ve all failed. In fact, it’s nearly impossible not to fail. However,  adverse to popular opinion the set  up is in the setback. You can turn failure upside down and it   will  spell s-u-c-c-e-s-s! How? By changing your attitude and not  believing that a failure is the final word on or chapter in your life. The world and society  would have you believe that a failure signifies the end of the road. However, that is far from the truth! If anything a setback can prepare you for an even bigger and better step in your life. Often, hardships not only toughen us up but strengthen us for the next round. Therefore, don’t dwell on the failure, instead push back on that setback and move forward!

onward and cheers,

bleu

 

How

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“At times our own light goes out and is rekindled by a spark from another person.”

-Albert Schweitzer.

 

We have a problem with matching our thanks to the level of the gift given. Oftentimes we  feel that We cannot fully reciprocate or convey  gratitude properly, when were given something  big(see here!)or a priceless  act of kindness.  I’ve not only received  loads of physical help, but also  the gift of a nice meal out, gifts of someone’s time, and help from kind strangers.  Among these  have been the gifts that are priceless and bear no  feasible value. It’s when someone gives a part of their life in order to make yours better, that requires an  acknowledgement  that  it seems we cannot

match. Is a  thank you card sufficient? A hug, a gift card, a favor, a nice dinner perhaps? No, none of these will do, because the best thank you is to live fully and well. The reason  this is sufficient is because when someone pours themselves into you, pour all that you can of yourself back into  your life. People help in these priceless ways because they sincerely want to see you triumph in life. My friends, family, and some strangers didn’t give  of their time and money when I was in an ICU to witness me die, but to  see me survive and thrive.  Of course, when someone gives from their heart they don’t expect or even want something in return. However, the   best and only way  I can thank them is to live well. The life that they put into me deserves to be  given a return. This return on investment can be achieved if I  put my spirit into achieving my dreams and living the life they want to see me have. Because of what they’ve given me, I will not quit, give up, or waste any of thier priceless gifts. Therefore, thank those that have given to you by living well and enjoying each day you have, because as I learned  you never know when those days could end.

work on your dreams!

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Warning: Perspective changes ahead.

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“True love is like ghosts, which everyone talks about and few have seen.”

-Francois de La Rochefoucauld.
 
Is my life better since I almost died? I don’t think so, or at least I didn’t see the value or purpose of the last three years. I believed that  I would’ve been enjoying life more (and having successes, and had plans) had the ordeal not occurred. How true it is that life happens while your making other plans.  However, there is still gold to be found amongst utterly horrible unenviable circumstances. When life attempts to knock you out, you have to come back at it with fists flying. Even though you may  be weary, there is still strength to be found in the indomitable human spirit. Even professional fighters with bashed in faces can still see. I’ve come to find that material belongings have no real value in the big picture. Money itself is  just paper. It is not material goods, not  gossip, social status, some daft guy, nor pridefulness. Instead it is the people and relationships that come to your aid. Nothing brings about true gems like a death defying situation, or dire need. It is those   people who remain in your corner of the ring, that are priceless. How they shine in the noon day sun of love to be seen from miles around. It is those that  stay in your corner, the friends, and vehement supporters that deserve  your recognition and time. Therefore, don’t wait until  you nearly die to see them for what they are.
-Cheers wherever you are,
bleu

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