October 2014 archive

October 30, 2014

Hope Floats

Sometimes it’s fun to do the impossible.” -Walt Disney

As if hope were a life jacket to keep you from drowning in sorrows,even when your knocked unconscious it brings you to the surface where you will be rescued.
Over a year ago I was going to drown.I have not seen the movie of this same blog title.However, the concept rings very true.Before I was given a glimpse of some real hope I was unconscious, sinking closer and closer to the ocean floor.Once hope arrived it gave me a life jacket.Now I have steadily been floating back up to the surface where I will be awaiting my rescue.I have decided since being rescued myself to go to school for aspiring lifeguards.While I have been on the shore looking out over the sea,I have seen others drowning or at risk and I’d like to offer a buoy.From the depths of the great unknown it’s possible to surface for some air and get more understanding.Were all swimming towards the shore and with the safety of hope we’ll certainly get there faster and not to mention safer.

**Cheers friends**

October 22, 2014

Attitude=Altitude

Perhaps it’s because I’m getting older(NO!) or maybe it’s because of circumstances.
I have observed in women of all ages and in myself the detrimental effects a low self esteem can have.There are numerous studies done on how low self esteem not only effects you personally but society as a whole.Because little girls are not fed more self esteem boosting material were losing out on future doctors,lawyers,scientists,and leaders.This not only effects people personally but all of us as a whole too.
If We could just love ourselves rightly and realize our value and potentials it would start a social revolution! We would likely see a major decrease in things like anorexia, a spike in grade levels in education regarding girls, and overall society would be better for it.
After being discharged from the hospital to my parents home,I had a huge wheelchair that I got around in.Being in it affected how I felt about myself and was a great social experiment too.
I discovered that people either stared at you,paid no attention, or were super nice.
At the time I felt unwanted,unlovable,and uncomfortable about being in it.I also hardly felt as if I could be sexy! A large part of what I felt made me attractive was seemingly taken away.
I suspect other women that are wheelchair bound(I’m not any longer) may feel that way.
However, to the credit of my Mother in particular, one day She told me “Just hold your head up and be proud of who you are.” She is absolutely right! I felt uncomfortable because of the stares but not after I took that to heart.As we all know, our culture puts a heavy value on physical appearance.The emphasis on outward looks is causing a large neglect on our inner health.Women aren’t the only ones effected by the obsession over youth and beauty. After sometime I no longer cared or felt bad about being in a wheelchair.In fact I later had fun zipping around in it and dancing even!
I decided to choose life and not care so much about what other people thought.In fact as a joke I used to believe that noone would pay any mind to someone in a wheelchair blatantly shoplifting, because they ignored you! Thus I even pretended to steal things sometimes and behold I was never suspected or caught.
Through all of this I now feel more open to being myself then I ever have.
Life is simply too short to limit yourself based on what others think.
Do yourself a favor and once you change your attitude there is no limit to how high your altitude will go!
tell yourself as well as the women in your life that they’re beautiful.We should be applauding accomplishments rather than a lovely appearance in everyone not only young girls.Society and you personally will only benefit from us all holding each other up.

Stay beautiful,

October 20, 2014

True Story: I was a clerk in Hell

Working inHell was rather ordinary as it turned out.
Most days were spent serving customers various things from the creamatorium(ice-cream), sometimes serving the occasional gravedigger or ringing up various Hell souvinirs.
Once the Today Show actually did a Halloween special from Hell.
Everyone showed up with signs all dressed up, some driving hearses.
I ran the shop for the day dressed as an angry housewife(i.e a baby,in pajamas,holding a frying pan, and smoking a fake cigarette.) it was a last minute costume.In Hell it was usually mild temperatures, occasionally freezing over.During those times a news crew would show up to report that Hell froze over.Apparently this was funny news.
I met people from all over, even other countries. I often asked them why they were in Hell.
Because Hell was actually a pretty small place, and why come all the way from England to see it?
The regulars in Hell were usually bikers.
At some point tour buses would drive thru filled with the elderly.
The bikers were harmless as most just hung out around the bar or got kicks out of teasing me.Two times I was flashed in the middle of the store by their “motorcycle babes,” while they laughed finding it to be hilarious.Most of the time it was quiet with tourists or locals coming in and out.A group of kids from Oregon got my number one day.They would call me on holidays and such to ask what it was like in Hell taking note that I was a female.I didn’t know them personally but I’d say the silly phone calls happened for a few months.At the time my parents lived down the street from Hell and still do.

Me: “Oh, so this is where your moving?”

Parents: “Yes, we bought property and built a house.”

Me: “Sounds like a nice place.”

It was quite odd to drive to school and pass a guy in a devil costume telling runners which way to go in the early morning.It may be surprising but Hell actually puts on fundraisers and runs.On the day it turned 6-6-6 helicopters buzzed over my sunbathing head.The street was completely packed with cars,3,000 people were there to celebrate! They still have fundraisers, runs, hearse parades, and sometimes even music.I actually am aiming to work in Hell again, using the money for a new tattoo(a pheonix )to mark the journey I have been on and my goal of rising from the ashes.It would mean more to earn the money myself,as well as work again after all the struggles I have been through.Since I have worked in Hell before, I have been offered a position to return to.I probably will since it’s close and I am comfortable there.When I first came to my parents for recovery, I would often exclaim I was in Hell(literally&figuratively).
In life many of us take things for granted.
One thing I have learned is that my worries and gripes before were inconsequential.
In the big picture there is no comparison between your boyfriend dumping you and your hand being paralyzed.Unfortunately these days I find it hard to relate to my former self and sometimes even friends.
Nearly dying and the struggles that have come with that have changed my perspective.
I think everyone at one point will experience a perspective changer.I just certainly hope yours does not nearly kill you!

In truth the world seems to value the things that don’t truly matter to us as individuals.
While the world puts an emphasis on looks and appearance, what little girls and grown up girls actually need is to develop their minds.While I perhaps griped about traffic,work,or relationships before,I was wrong.
What really matters is that I HAD a job,someone to gripe about,and my health was perfect.
Now that my world has in a way become smaller, my views and ideas have actually gotten larger.
Now I see the things that really matter.
I want to reach out to other people and demonstrate love,and human kindness.
What really matters when all the material is taken away is the person.
We are beings full of life,light, and possibility.It’s time to strip down to the core of what matters.I urge you all to reach out to one other person.Imagine the world if we all did that?Be the change you want to see in the world.We have but one life,make it count,and leave an impact.Besides bright stars don’t burn out,they explode.

Love,

October 17, 2014

Are You There God?

This is not a religious blog at all.However, no matter the name you call it(Brahma,Allah,The Universe,God) I’d like to believe there is something more than only what we perceive.Not too long ago I visited Bethel Church in Redding California.I had heard about some pretty cool things going on there.

Upon walking in I was immediately hit with an altogether different feeling(i.e “vibe.”)the atmosphere just felt very full of love and artistic.Perhaps part of that had to do with the fact that dancing,music,and painting was going on.Already I felt like this is how all churches should be!
Pretty quickly I experienced two amazing “coincidences.”
The first being that I was approached by a young boy who had been looking all morning for who his prophetic drawing was for (a treadmill) upon seeing me it clicked that I was the recipient.Little did He know that just a week prior I had a blowout on a treadmill because I was upset that I was physically having a hard time.
He thought that the drawing meant I was going through something, to persevere,not give up, and that I would be healed soon ( all correct).
The second “coincidence,” if you will was the gift of a print from the church’s art director.
Before I left He decided He wanted to gift me with a print

Of all that He could of chose, and this oneI had missed even though I went thru nearly all of them.. He chose a painting his wife had made about hope.
I was told by family that while I was in ICU this theme of hope kept popping up for them.
It caused my Aunt to cry that of all the pictures He chose, hope!
Personally I like the biblical definition of hope the best
Hope: A confident expectation of good to come.We have a certainty that it will happen, but it is in the future.Faith is in the now.

Needless to say the visit was a good experience for me.

Overall I believe no matter what your “religion.
We can all agree that humanity can only benefit from love, positivity, kindness, and philanthropy.

If any church/doctorine is worth its two cents it should be furthering these concepts.My favorite moments have been when I’ve given unselfishly to a complete stranger.I believe that a simple kindness touched and helped both of us.That’s easily a free two for one deal!

“Be the change in the world you want to see.” -Mahatma Ghandi.

-Cheers friends!*

October 10, 2014

Century Girl

Recently, I turned 100 before my Great Grandmother, and that’s okay with me!

In the past I have spoken about how important hope is to us as people.

One story that comes to mind about my Grandmother(Grandma Cookie) is a day when She was visiting.

I had recently acquired the book Century Girl about a fantastic woman who lived in the days of the NYC Zeigfeld Follies dancers and continued to be involved with dance until She turned a century.

The reason this was special to share with my Grandmother is because of( you guessed it) JHope!

Seeing another woman who was able to live, and live that long and do it vibrantly was important to encourage Her.

Not to mention it wasn’t often someone 60 years Her junior could converse about music,actors,and events from the 1930’s.

She was born in 1918, lived through the depression, and enjoyed dancing to big bands with Her brother on the weekends.

I always enjoyed Her stories and pictures from days past.

More recently at the age of 95 life is waning away from Her.

However, I expect to be 100 right along with Her.

This is a post dedicated to love,hope,and most of all thankfulness!

That being said dear reader, check out my silly video below please and thank you….

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cKSTYC220xw

Cheers!

October 9, 2014

Happy Anniversary?

This October 12th will be the two year “anniversary” of the day I had a massive stroke and nearly died.
While I thought that my favorite holiday, Halloween would be ruined forever, it has been quite the contrary.
Through the darkness of a nightmare rays of light have still been able to penetrate through the clouds.
While it has been very unpleasant at times, I find myself getting an education most will never be privy to receive.

I have lived the cliche’ of fair weather friends, and believe me that is absolutely true!
I have been part of a population that goes overlooked and gets forgotten.
However under this much detested label “handicapped,” I have seen more kindness and support from strangers then I ever did when I was “normal.”

Now, to address labels, I am not handicapped and neither are any of the people I see in rehab waiting rooms with missing limbs, in a wheelchair, or mentally retarded.
Are these handicaps?
I don’t believe so because it’s clear that these are also just people unfairly drowned by the seas of fate.
In order to fast forward you as well on some life lessons,I’m going to share with you what I have learned.Luckily you won’t need any serious hospitalization to get it.

“Hope deferred makes the heart sick.” -Proverbs
That statement rings very true. Because before any real signs of hope I was dying all over again.
Just when I nearly lost faith in humanity, it has been revived.
With every stranger( door angels) that open the door for me.
When yet another kind soul donates to a fundraiser held for me.
You see, in order for these “handicapped” people to get better they need real hope not more medical interventions or medications.
In my case that has rung absolutely true.
Until I was given real hope I was on a decline.
However that first testimony of miraculous healing and its existence lit a fire in me.
Once I was finally told something in the positive, it put a crack in the mirror that held a distorted reflection.
For too long I was exposed to the negativity or the “facts” about what happened to me.
The reason I use quotations around facts is because they no longer apply to me.
I don’t accept the reports from these negative viewpoints at all.
Mostly because I have seen and experienced the power of real hope.
When we as people reach out to eachother, things only improve.
The girl that was once discouraged by the results of a neuropsychology test now wants to endure those hours(6) all over again, am I crazy!?
Not at all it’s because I have hope, determination,and positive support, because of that I’ll get much better results.
Many might claim I’m being delusional, but I beg to differ.
Success doesn’t happen when you give up or take heed of the negative reports.
I’ve also learned that it’s not selfish to focus on yourself.
When something is important, where your focus is, is the direction you’ll go.
The reason I know that lesson is because they actually taught that in motorcycle classes too!
If your looking at a car while driving a motorcycle the odds are you’ll veer into it.
The same goes for your mind, the mind follows where the heart is.
“As a man thinks in his heart so he shall be.” -Proverbs.
I realized that if I thought too much about what others were doing it only bred jealousy and I cheated myself.
These days I could care less what other people do, and it didn’t take me years to glean that.
What it took was the setting of an insurmountable goal.
A goal that seemed so far off or impossible that I could detect the disbelief in others.
I had to politely ignore and counter the naysayers whether it was mentally or verbally.
I have resolved to not let anything steal my hope.
When I’m faced with a difficult question I always answer with what I hope( it will be.
This solves the problem of having hope slip away.
If you can’t continually be in the presence of a motivational speaker, don’t worry.
Just resolve in yourself to take the lead of a broken record and repeat.
It is not false hope or silly to be adamant in telling yourself what others believe to be impossible.
By playing your own broken record, that vinyl will begin to penetrate your heart.
As I illustrated earlier, where the heart goes the mind/body follows.
That is why it’s important to keep the thoughts in your mind positive as well as in your heart.
Furthermore, just as if driving a motorcycle you don’t want to get flattened by a car.
Noone wants to watch a life or opportunities pass them by.
We should all be able to partake of such things as a fulfilling life and opportunities.
While it’s different for each of us, personally I’ve found I just need to get angry to kick a bad mindset.
I finally became angry enough that I wasn’t going to accept not living a fulfilling life.
I’d like to pose a question to you, dear reader.
Would you ever wake up early with nowhere to go and noone to see, yet put on a nice shirt, earrings, shoes, and makeup?
Most people would not because they’d find no good reason to do that.
Although, there is one that absolutely would, my 95 year old Grandmother.
She had none to see, nowhere to go but the confines of a little apartment and She didn’t have a “real reason.”

This is a lesson, I have seen smart women display.
Afterall if you give into sweatpants and a dirty shirt, eventually you become that way inside as well.
Even though noone may see you, you see yourself whether you like it or not.
I have spent the last year in sweatpants(i.e stretchy pants)because they were easy to get on when I was limited physically, better during physical therapy, etcetera.
Except, do you know what? I’m tired of wearing that with velcro shoes and a hoodie.
Not even my 95 year old Grandmother(Grandma Cookie) would be caught in that junk, it’s time to put on a dress!

**Cheers!** (Bleu)

October 7, 2014

California and UFO’s

Aliens weren’t just in the sky but in my body as well.
Throughout my recovery process I have been striving to get back to “normal.”
Part of that included the removal of a dangerous filter that was inside a major vein.
As far as I was concerned it was a foreign object and it didn’t belong there. Thankfully one of the best and only Doctors that could remove it worked in California.Thus ensued a cross country flight to get surgery. Luckily it went perfect and I came out feeling a step closer to “normal.”While I may never be completely normal(ha-ha) at least I could check one more thing off the list.In between the whirlwind of surgeries,appointments, and therapy I somehow find in the gaps room to live.The bonus of surgery in California meant time in the gap to explore!

outside a tattoo shop in Haight Ashbury(below)

the Golden Gate!

Inside Stanford…

Before I had a massive stroke the gap was wide, because my time wasn’t filled by the circus that surrounds recovery. However the gap is beginning to widen again.The removal of the filter crossed off a couple of those circus performers,with less to do involving Doctors it’s a relief.Many of us take a wide gap for granted.Little did I know that having the freedom to do with my time as I pleased even work everyday was a choice and that was an absolute blessing.Now that my time has been severely compromised in comparison , what I do with my time becomes much more precious.As reality proves, time does have an end so make the time you do have matter.

-Cheers!