When I was first discharged from inpatient rehab to my parents home for recovery I was not only upset and accusing them of kidnapping me, but also determined to regain my life even down to the same iphone.I was pre-occupied with trying to recreate as much of my life that I could prior to the “incident” (i.e massive stroke) however lately I have found that baby step by baby step things are actually better in some ways then before(hello iphone 6!) not only are those small things victories to me but also superstitious things like catching the clock at 11:11(a great sign in numerology) all the time.These may seem like fleeting moments to someone else in a fast paced life however, with a life seemingly in a slow motion car wreck those little things become larger.Many things that I too hardly noticed before have made themselves known, and in knowing them they have carried me across the burning coals of a harsh reality.I have learned that by giving myself smaller achievable goals and crossing them off everyday it leads me to tackle the larger goals much easier.As I progressively make more and more headway,suddenly the impossible becomes possible.I was often met with raised eyebrows and “We’ll see,” responses when I lamented my goal of (or better yet obsession)returning to New York City.It’s amazing how impenetrable your skin becomes when your determined.I don’t totally blame those responses.After all to an outside observer here was a young girl appearing to be crippled declaring a return to something seemingly impossible.I too felt it was hopeless at some point.Except at some point through a combination of crossing off goals,hope,real gains,and determination,those statements no longer seemed so incredulous anymore.At this time I’m embarking on becoming more independent and more like myself before the “incident.” I have vowed to do all I can in regards to my ongoing recovery.I also try to spread encouragement to others along the way as much as I can.
In sum after this happened to me it quickly became apparent that were all connected.Whatever small gesture of kindness or help you give to a stranger, it’s important just to do so.Each person that I have encountered during my recovery has been an integral if small part to a bigger picture.At times I have felt like Alice in Wonderland encountering different creatures along a winding and unfamiliar path.Much like Alice, I too have seen how each of these creatures(i.e people) are culminating to create a complete picture.Eventually I know I’ll emerge from the rabbit hole.Once I emerge,I plan to live like never before.When you almost lose it all,but manage to survive everyday things become much more precious.I won’t let any opportunity or a person in need pass me by without taking notice or action.Perhaps I’m of the hippie persuasion, but love does cast out fear.Imagine a world enveloped in love as oppose to fear or turmoil,isn’t that a place you’d like to be? Instead of daydreaming about it go out there and help create it,bringing it into reality.
