Posts Tagged ‘Online Dating’

Dear future Suitor,

“Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage.”

Lao Tzu.

   While  at one time I only needed you to be cute, have a reasonable amount of knowledge about punk music, know how to skateboard, and have cool hair…… As Bob Dylan sings(not punk) “The times they are -a- changin.”   These days I actually care about things like integrity, employment,  your moral compass, and our shared future prospects. If  you  don’t know already(or yet) I had a stroke, and besides time changing things, so does almost dying. I’ve always put in a vast amount of effort to reach my goals and stroke recovery has been no different. Except(I lied) one thing has. Besides undergoing an arduous amounts of therapy, I’ve mirrored my physical development  with  meaningful growth of my soul. Neither has been easily achieved. Therefore, I’m not willing to put the priceless  fruits  of my labor(or my heart) into just anyones hands. So, I need  you to step up. Reject me if you will over the effects the stroke has had on my life(this has already happened) but  you’d be making an egregious mistake. This is in no way because I think I’m better than other people. It’s because I know my value. Although, much of it was robbed from me upon waking up in a hospital, the years have added it back and then some. Perhaps it’s age, time, or snobbery, I know it is wisdom! Far too many people(me too) undervalue  themselves. We look into   the mirror of society, and  a distorted image stares back at us. The truth is, we are powerful,  beautiful,  and strong beings capable of ever  expanding knowledge. Nothing is fixed, something I once wished wasn’t true, but am now grateful for it. Change means we can grow, progress can be made, and it makes Life precious. Mine, yours,  everyones. The bottom line is, if you can be half as wonderful as my beloved dog Goose, I think we’ll be fine.

Okcupid, your pretty Okstupid.

Online Dating… ah yes… formerly reserved to Craigslist creeps and sad desperate souls… fast forward to the new millennium in NYC and it’s nearly the only way to meet people, as a friend of mine said “It’s the wave of the future.” Is it?? I avoided and refused to do it for so long convinced it was pathetic.. and in a city of millions how the F&*$ can you have a hard time meeting people?!?! Well… you can… in fact in a romantic sense its damn near impossible here. Why? Well most people here are following a dream or career goal, are already involved, or since the singles scene is dominated by many 20 somethings to early 30’s and there are plenty of fish abound.. rarely if ever do people stick around. Especially (let’s face it) testosterone filled dudes in a sea of women, why stop with one?? At least this seems to be the case, many if not all of my single friends and random girls I meet complain of this exact problem… so after much consideration last year I gave in and joined Okcupid.

I gotta say maybe since it was free I got a slew of ridiculous messages but also had fun with it too, I actually did go on a few dates which was all new to me (see also: I hated the idea of dating and successfully avoided it for nearly my entire life) and lo and behold I did meet someone.(Impossible! you say) I have long since disabled and then deleted my account, although the messages you get can be pretty damn amusing (perhaps a social experiment should be done) you also get a lot of junk mail, not to mention I have since decided although entertaining and even though I did meet someone…I will never online date again… not that I had a bad experience but it really is kind of ridiculous and 99% of the time ( I do hope you are in the 1% though !) you just won’t find quality… especially if it’s a free site, maybe people on the paid ones are more serious..? Who knows…Overall I really believe even if it seems hopeless and your too busy to “look”, if its meant to happen it will happen, and while online dating can be fun if you are looking to be serious, well, best of luck with that hunt….I still like the old fashioned way and the element of serendipity best. I wanted to share a link of a fellow blogger who posted about her experience and its pretty damn funny and entirely true. READ ! 

Now to bring this round’ to my second point: You actually meet someone online dating.. (Holy Smokes Batman!!) When is it appropriate to declare to the rest of the online dating world your taken? When do you delete or disable your profile?

…Hmmmm… well personally the minute I was feeling more I got rid of mine, also just like facebook and myspace (where you experience the “Why am I not in your Top 8??” drama, online can create real life problems as it sometimes is a reflection, but sometimes it’s not..) Did you know I googled these questions and there are threads upon threads and even forums, YES! Forums! with slews of girls (and some guys) discussing this very thing… after reading way too many of them, it seems that the majority of you out there in cyber space agree once exclusive and after a few months of dating it is more than reasonable to delete/change status blah blah blah and no matter how many funny quiz’s or tests you like to take, (see also: excuses excuses) a dating site is not a facebook or any other social networking site, it’s a DATING site, duh. There is no excuse. Another opinion was to just get over it and having one up means nothing, actions speak louder than words after all.. but isn’t keeping it and especially logging in still an ACTION!?!?

It’s reasonable to be bothered by it, whether it’s an insecurity issue, a respect issue, a sign that your just not the one to said non-deleter of dating profile, they forgot about it, etc etc.. who knows. It could be any of these things..Personally it was a huge problem for me, to me it just seemed a given to get rid of it and I was highly upset by the presence of it.. to me its weird to keep one active/still log in if your involved, I mean.. why??? It’s a big WTF dude and I think if you ever find yourself in a similar situation its ok to ask to take it down when things have gotten to another level, if said person doesn’t even after your obvious problem with it… well that is not okay and excuses of “I hardly ever log in, I use it for the quizzes, I keep in touch with people, blah blah blah..” BULLSHIT. If your feelings are remotely important they will not hesitate or have a problem complying with your request, even if its crazy lol I think for some people it’s an issue of control or the idea of having it there is like a subconscious plan B and makes them feel better ?? I don’t know.  Has anyone had any online dating experiences they’d like to share?? I’d love to hear some! Also opinions and thoughts are always welcomed and appreciated!

Cheers and cyber hearts <3 !



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