Posts Tagged ‘memories’

Through the Looking Glass

“ ‘Closed timelike curve’ is the jargon for time travel. It means you go out, come back and meet yourself in the past.”-Kip Thorne.

As I stood at the gates next to my Father  I could nearly grasp those lost childhood years. The now abandoned  park that I gazed into was once teeming with  activity. However, now it stands a silent and still monument to  an era of magic.  Originally built in 1963 and closed down in 1999,  The Prehistoric Forest (or “Dinosaur Land”)encapsulated a few years of my life within it.While I  gazed into the park with a myriad  number of mixed emotions welling up inside me; I  imagined as I shrunk back into a child the park grew up  full life again. There exists throughout time and space pieces of us and our hearts wherever we’ve passed. In this case a road side attraction had  pieces of my beloved childhood memories within it. Beyond the fence  meant to keep me out, lay 8 acres of overgrown trails, random dinosaur(some broken)sculptures, and  a precious piece of me. It nearly felt as if  there was an invisible wall and  I could walk through into  my memory. So badly did I desire to relive that period, but alas time marches on with or without us. What it does leave behind for us are the memories. Even though I couldn’t physically  be back inside of that memory,  I was surrounded by the ghosts of it. I found it funny that present day I was standing in front of this park with the very people who lived in that memory with me, my Mom and Dad. Nothing will make you  cherish your life more then standing in front of the ruins of it, from a marvelous  period gone by. I could see a little me excitedly grabbing my Dad’s hand and crunching across the gravel to the now empty souvenir shop. “I want the  neon triceritops stuffed animal Dad!”  Although this place was fading away as each page of time was turned, it remained as vivid as ever within my memories. My Parents are  getting older and showing signs of wear, but here, in my memory they are always young. Never had inanimate objects made me consider my mortality more. I thought of all those moments that seem to go by unnoticed while they’re happening, but later become wholly significant. Because even as your living it that time  will hold great value in the future. Therefore, take lots of pictures, slow down, and tell the people whom deserve it that you love them every chance you get. To  learn and see more about my memory, click here!

Cheers!

bleu

"say cheese."

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“The true warrior isn’t immune to fear, She fights in spite of it.” -Francesca Lia Block.

What’s the best memory  you have from your life? I asked my 97 year old Great Grandma. “ I don’t think about those things much anymore.” She replied. Whether it’s because She can’t remember or doesn’t want to I’m not sure, but regardless She still wanted  Her pictures in Her new room. Our memories like pictures can  bring us back to a specific time and place  and with them the same feelings. A picture can not only say a thousand words but can bring us back into a moment at  a precise point in  space and time. I used to collect  old pictures of strangers from antique shops and dream up stories about them. People often wish for a time machine, but we’ve already  built one, the camera. A photograph  like a memory fades over time, and you can never have too many of the good ones. But unlike memories photographs don’t rearrange themselves. Perhaps this is why we tend to value our photographs so much. We take them, even paying others to take them for us,compile them into books, and save them from  a fire. As a human race we collectively cherish our good memories. The reason for this is evident, life  can be hard! Having the ability to look back  and remember the good times is  often a life saver.  In the early days of my stroke recovery I found myself looking at pictures a lot to remind myself of the wonderful times I’ve had. This is also why when one begins to lose memory it’s so devastating. Much like photographs getting lost or burned up in a house fire. Except the house fire is in the form of a disease like alzheimers or dementia, and sometimes denial. When you’re having a difficult time it’s  vital to tell yourself the right kind of stories. Just as you would look at  happy pictures when your sad, see yourself as the hero and victor in your own story!

Take the good pictures!

bleu

 
 
 
 

Ordinary Objects

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“To the world you may just be someone, but to someone you may be the whole world.”

It’s strange and  sometimes emotional when I unexpectedly(or expectantly)stumble across  objects from my life in New York City. Essentially, while I was in a coma(not knowing if I would live)friends and  family  packed up my belongings and my apartment. So there I was out of commission and my life(hanging in the balance)packed away into numerous boxes. They made the trek from New York, to New Jersey,and then Michigan. While I  eventually   followed them. From time to time, I will be doing something and randomly see or find something that  used to live in my New York apartment. With each object I find,it opens  up the  flood gate of memories. I can remember when I bought it,where it was from,what I did that day,and see it in it’s  place in my apartment. Every  object holds a story. Since my life has taken a radical turn, these objects afford me the feelings that I imagine a true explorer gets.  When my eyes and fingers touch upon an object from my life before the  massive stroke, I feel like an Alien discovering something from a past civilization,of a time gone by. This is because  the situation I’m in now seems so unreal. Although the objects are not foreign to me,in some way they are. Why? Because  before I was completely unaware of the reality that I’m enduring now. This has  given me the point of view of an outsider. When I’m holding  something in my hand(or gaze) I can actually take it in as if it weren’t mine. Leaving me to see it in a   new way.  In  the  way that an explorer might see something and wonder what kind of life it once had. Although I know the life of my own belongings, I miss the girl that bought them. I’ve been in what seems like  an alternate  universe for the past two years. I’ve been working on bringing that girl back from the other universe. I remember everything,but even so I worry I’ll forget. I don’t want to forget what it feels like to be able to walk freely,tie a shoe,run,jump,and generally be able to control  my body. Those objects remind me of the girl I used to be(physically)and I want Her back. I even think back to how oblivious I was to the struggles I now face(and have) wishing I  could somehow eke out some of  those feelings back into the present. How  fortunate I  was to be  unaware of the things I know now! Those objects hold this other  universe within them. I wonder what  I  would do if I had known then, what I know now. Ah,yes it’s the  age old question,and the answer is  everything. We take  so much for granted, that it’s so important to live and enjoy life as much as you can.

Cheers!

bleu

Changing Seasons…

Recently I sold my beloved Vespa…(see below)

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Photo:2011 Upper East Side Manhattan after working a day at Memorial Sloan Kettering.

Credit:my friend Lesly!

I had dreamed of living in NYC and owning a Vespa since I was 16 years old,when I got both,realizing that,  I  cried.

As the story goes after 3 years of living in my favorite city I suffered a massive stroke which has sent me packing to recover in Michigan

Fearing I had lost everything,the reason my Vespa became ever more important to me was because it now symbolized dreams reached and possibly my dreams lost….

-BUT-

After a couple  of buyers inquired on it because now not being able to ride it and owing more on it than it was  worth I needed something I could use.Now the Vespa symbolized NYC,the freedom I had,my hard work&dreams,lots of good memories,and not to mention it is beautiful as seen below ha-ha

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So instead since the funds from it were used to buy a new computer,it seems only fitting  to in turn use it to further write my story and of course  this isn’t goodbye forever  just for now.

As the song goes for everything there is a season

 

 

I’m just looking forward to my Summer returning and little by little it is !so far  one thing that has returned is Blogcademy NYC  I missed the class but this weekend I’ll be going to Blogcademy Chicago! AND for free!  Because  I  won a scholarship,so it did return and even better……

 

 

 

 

There will certainly be more things to come and perhaps even better!

In parting    “Hope deferred makes the heart sick.,

**Cheers!**

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