April 15, 2023

Perspective

I don’t always take my own advice, and today I was reminded of a glaring truth that I sometimes choose to ignore. What was it? **“ It is within your power to change your circumstances.”** I internally grimaced at the phrase. Because, change means you( and I) have to stop making excuses. We have to grit our teeth and face our fears. We have to voluntarily put ourselves in uncomfortable situations. It is essentially a process of self enforced growth. We even have to accept the possibility of failure. However, one can never be defeated! The only thing that can truly defeat us is death. Short of that, (or instead of) you have a lot of work to do to reach your goals! Whether it is seeing or creating a beautiful space when you live in the NYC Projects, envisioning fluid movement in a paralyzed limb, or going after a job you want, all three require perspective. You could see the projects as a one way ticket to failure in Life, that paralyzed limb as dead or lost to you, or- that dream job as just a far off illusion. Except ( and this is a big exception) you could instead view all these things as their opposites. The walls of those projects are not barriers, but places that can be beautified and a starting point. The left hand (or foot) that refuses to take orders from your brain or somehow has fallen into a deep slumber, is merely in an invisible cast until it’s fully healed. The interviewer of your dream job just hasn’t met ***YOU*** yet, and therefore the position remains open. More than anything, in order to change your circumstances for the better, it certainly helps if you see the unfavorable circumstances, of which you are currently in, as a catapult, rather than a barrier. You may not be where you want to be right now, but viewing your current position in a positive light, is the beginning of getting to your ultimate destination. I’m not living in my own apartment in New York City, like I was (or still should be) before suffering a massive stroke. But, in the mean time until I get back to that day dream, I am living in a wonderful home that allows me the space and time for self growth, physical recovery, and enjoyable activities. Much of what goes on in our heads manifests in the outer world either positively or negatively. Since self fulfilling prophecy is *indeed* a thing, begin to prophesize good things for yourself. Whether BIG or small, You can achieve them all!

December 29, 2022

New Year, New You.

In anticipation of the events happening in the next two days, surely thousands have already worked out the plans they have for the next 365 ( or approximately 8,760 hours) to come. However, in your pursuit of self improvement remember that it’s a journey rather than a destination. As much as you’d like to fast forward to your goal completed, it would be a mistake to miss out on all the steps that took you there. Because each one holds in it a refinement of who you are, and no detail should be forgotten. It is within the work of self improvement that you’ll find the greatest lessons. Each New Year, thousands of confetti pieces ( a square inch in size) with wishes scribbled on them rain down on the heads of revelers in New York City’s Times Square. I should know as I was one of the hopeful Souls to write my wish on a little piece of brightly colored paper, along with others every Year. It seems sad that these sentiments will be swept away by street cleaners after the celebration ends. Yet even so, the authors of the wishes will not forget them. One wonders how many will come to pass, and how they will be fulfilled. By sheer self determination? By chance? By Life’s own serendipitous ways? It’s difficult to leave anything up to fate, as we tend to relish control. But,……. Newsflash! The only thing you truly have control of is your response to the circumstances of Life. So, you do get to choose. Will you choose to be defeated or work towards victory? When your carefully laid plans are unexpectedly derailed, how will you choose to respond? This is as important of a question as it is to chart your goals for the coming Year. Because as any survivor of trauma will tell you, plans change, people change, and you will change right along with them. And that’s okay. In fact it is inevitable that you will change in the face of a derailment. Except, in which direction will you choose to change? For the better, or for the worse? If the goals you set for this coming Year go terribly awry will you choose to work towards them irregardless? Or in a dark mood, will you scrap them? I have a better (and diifficult) suggestion. Keep going after them. Not only will this help maintain your motivation, but guess what? In spite of a perceived loss, you will gain, gain, gain.

Happy New Year!

August 5, 2020

The Plight of Angels

**“All God’s angels come to us disguised.” – James Russell Lowell**

Love may not be tangible, but the objects that result from it are. I can look around me and see gifts from each person that loves me. They adorn my walls, my desk space, and take up residence in my record cabinet! Each object is a token of love from an irreplaceable human. However, not all of these seemingly ordinary people are human, some of them are angels. Indeed one of these creatures was actually my nurse while I was sedated in the ICU. She prayed over me, sang the same songs, and today we share the same understanding. Much like a palindrome, where there are words hidden within, and it’s understood in both directions, an invisible river of a s shared experience runs between us that ties us together. We knew nothing of each other before She walked into my room, but that didn’t matter to Her, nonetheless She was going to put 200% of Herself into caring for me. Even now, I don’t believe I fully grasp the gravity of my situation in 2012. I have since learned that I was discovered on the floor gasping for breath in agony(a sign of a brain in the process of dying) and needed to be resuscitated. This was the state from which a team of humans(and many angels) were tasked with bringing me back from. I was on the brink of death, and they weren’t going to let me completely fall! During the time that I spent in a coma, I wish I could recall something, *anything.* However, that time instead is one big blank in the continuum of my timeline. While I lay unaware of my surroundings, the people that were there to observe felt the pain for me. Therefore, they experienced it just as much(if not more) then I did! Because of this lapse in consciousness, I’m discovering my own story as if it is happening for the first time. It’s a rather weird thing to have had such an earth shattering experience, but not to recall it. As many of the details that I’ve missed, I certainly have not failed to recognize the key players in my tale. Although, my story nearly ended in total tragedy, now that I’m awake(and alive) to take over the narrative you can bet I’ll have a happy ending. Life is what you make of it!

-XOXO BLEU

June 25, 2015

At your funeral

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“They say such nice things about people at their funerals that it makes me sad that I’m going to miss mine by just a few days.” -Garrison Keillor.

I’ll admit, I’ve gotten teary eyed at the thought of my own death and imagining my funeral. However, I didn’t consider how the other people would feel at my funeral. Perhaps this was a sign of my selfishness. As people We all fall prey to this selfish thinking. That is one of the biggest reasons why I don’t bother caring what other people think about me. Because frankly, no one is likely thinking that much about you except yourself! In opening up to other people more I’m more likely to feel emotion for them,which naturally leads to a deeper connection. After being seriously hospitalized I no longer had to imagine my funeral, because I narrowly missed it in reality. This time around in thinking about it I became teary eyed for other people. This is because not too long ago my Father gave me a mental picture of a moment in time that I was not present for. At the time I was in a coma which effectively blanked out a large portion of(20 days)consciousness. In sharing a personal memory He gave me an inroad to his reality during that time. While I was in a coma, He played thumb war with my limp right hand. This is significant because as a child We often played this silly game. All I could think of is how alone in a Hospital room He took my lifeless hand aside and tried to bring some life back into that same small hand, just as it was when I was completely okay. This brought into reality someone else at my funeral. The thought of another person’s heartbreak, brought tears to my eyes and not just for myself. It pained me to think of my sweet Father watching his only child dying,and so badly wanting that little girl of thumb war days back. Imagine if We were all as receptive to each others feelings? How then,would the world change? I wouldn’t doubt that such a thing would make World peace and the need for charities disappear. I have also found that the happier I am in myself and excited about life, I naturally begin to connect with my fellow human beings(or want to for that matter). This is because it has a way of expanding your heart’s boundaries.

Cross your borders!

Posts Tagged ‘massive stroke’