“Success consists of going from failure to failure without loss of enthusiasm.”
– Winston Churchill.
Some events in our lives are so vile, we can only truly reflect on them(or share them) many years later. So, what happened on October 12th of 2012? Well, I lost everything. For me, those many years later happen to be a decade. I suppose I can thank cognitive dissonance for helping me to navigate through the impossible. No matter how many times a well meaning therapist or loved one attempted to label me disabled, waxed poetic about a “new normal,” or looked at me with complete disbelief when I declared my goals, none of it mentally deterred me. Because, deep down I know I have lost nothing, only gained. I can clearly recall bellowing out in emotional pain from the deepest darkest place of my soul, whilst laying on a therapy mat in a hospital rehabilitation gym among other broken people, who were crawling around like worms unable to walk/sit up, or rolling around on their backs like flipped over turtles. I didn’t want to be among these people, and I certainly did not want to BE one of these people! However, nonetheless I was. There was no denying the medical records, or the gravity of my unexpected circumstances. Not grasping that my brain wasn’t cooperating I would punch my paralyzed left arm with anger and hate. The reality is that for all the time I felt I’d lost, I actually gained time. In fact, since that vile day in October, rather then it resulting in my death, my Life was spared. Per my calculation, since then I’ve navigated through 86,400 hours that I almost never had. I almost never saw my surprise Breakfast at Tiffany’s themed 30th birthday. I almost never met Lucy aka Goose the dog love of my Life. I almost never felt the Summer sun gently warming my skin, or felt the beautiful Fall breeze brush across my face. Instead, I now drive by the funeral home where my wake would’ve been held and see other people’s names on the sign. Loss is only perceived, and in the face of any “loss,” you can choose to push through to gain. Therefore, do not weep over a failure only see it as an opportunity for growth. Because, as long as you are living there is a purpose and a hope.
