Posts Tagged ‘growing up’

Pieces of me.

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“You must give everything to make your life as beautiful as the dreams that dance in your imagination.”

― Roman Payne.

I am not the sole creator or proprietor of my own life. For example, my Mother  gave me a creative  nature, my Father a strong work ethic, friends helped me learn some life lessons along the way, and my intelligence was(is) God given. Therefore, I am not merely one thing, but many pieces that create a whole. However, I am certainly responsible for which direction I head in, but I cannot take all the credit. It’s actually difficult to pick one singular direction because life offers so many. It’s as if we’re perpetually at a  five way street crossing, or fork in the road. This is compounded by the fact that we have so many different parts to us. This is what happens when you exist in a world  that contains many different outside influences. It is neither small nor  closed off, but in fact it is endless! Since we are made up of so many aspects, why then,  do we only live for ourselves?  To be selfless over selfish is more rewarding and beneficial. It has even been shown in nature, that the most selfish creatures are less likely to survive. Apparently this didn’t cross over too much into human existence, or so it seems. However, if you  pay attention it absolutely did! People and societies that exhibit high levels of selfishness, often don’t do as well, and are least liked. On a  large scale  it would make sense if the world were more  giving(and forgiving) but even more so on a personal level we need to be more giving(and forgiving) to one another. After all, it has to start somewhere. Not to mention, each large and obvious movement(be it physical or societal) begins as a small quiet seemingly invisible  action. A sweep of your arm is first triggered by tiny signals  in the neurons of your brain. What you eventually see and feel  physically, starts out somewhere unseen. The same  applies to social movements, dreams, and hopes that you have for the future.Therefore, go forward with confidence and be the change that you want to see in the world and in your own life.

cheers!

bleu

I am a lost boy

“The turning point in the process of growing up is when you discover the core of strength within you that survives all hurt.”

-Max Lerner.

This song has been haunting me, echoing through my mind like a voice down an empty hallway. We have all been “lost boys,” at one point or another. Whether we’re lonely, trying to find our way, or just plain old mischievous and free  of  obligations. The funny thing is, the lost boys actually had a large group of friends, yet were still considered lost.

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Perhaps you too have been part of a crowd but still felt like you didn’t quite belong. I first heard the song wafting over the  radio airwaves on a dark night time drive, and again at a  beautiful dance recital that was punctuated with the  feeling of endings(a last dance for High School Senior students. I love music because it has a way of expressing and  relating nearly every  emotion through  it’s  sonic landscape. I  always said when I died I wanted to become a music note. As a  musical note I could weave in and out of space and be emitted over  waves of sound. As well as touch people’s hearts. When you’re a music note your  essentially immortal and always a part of something beautiful. Of course we can’t talk about Peter Pan without  mentioning Captain Hook. What is your  personal Captain Hook? Because we all have one. He comes in the form of  opposition, negativity, and hardships. When we’re looking to find our way and having hope for a future each of us becomes a “lost boy.”     Then, we grow up much to our chagrin and the tribe of lost boys scatters. No longer do you have that adolescent camaraderie and sense of adventure. As the world becomes less new and your feet  change sizes, so does our reality and the people in it. Suddenly adult obligations or responsibilities begin to seep into and   take apart  the tribe of lost boys.  However, the invisible thread that at once connected us is always there. We may grow and change but our hearts and spirits  remain largely the same. Sometimes the wind will carry a tune   to my ear or a familiar smell to my nose and  gently remind me of my tribe. Although they’re scattered about I know that their still  there.   Having a stroke has displaced me as a lone tribe member looking for the path to our hideout in the woods. As I wander I keep an eye out for it to emerge once again from the shrouded trees. Dear friend, may We all discover that path and find our way back to belonging.

pals & pixie dust,

bleu

Just Kids

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         “If you carry your childhood with you, you never become older.”

-Tom Stoppard

So, why did  you grow up?  As kids, we were all in a hurry to be a “grown up.” Anticipating staying up as late as we wanted and eating ice cream for breakfast. However, once we got there it turned out that eating healthy and getting regular sleep was more sensible. What happened to our freedom of choice as grown ups? Even more so, where did that childhood wonder run off to? The World played its  hand in eking out most of it from us through time. Those of us that managed to hold on to some of it, flourished in  our levels of happiness and were called “easily amused.”   The presence of an overactive imagination and silly sense of humor faded out with our dislike for taking baths. As those traits began to fade, we acquired new ones of stress and responsibility. With the age of a grown up finally reached and all the new freedoms, why did we restrict ourselves!? Did the popular opinion  to  sway towards being boring come from jealousy?  Perhaps the majority was envious of the minority who managed to retain some of that magical  childhood  spunk.  The world is far easier to navigate if you can  manage to evade the sinister stress monster or find the magic in the mundane. Both  of which are qualities we had as children that the jealous world attempted to rob us  of. How could we let this happen? Generations have come and gone having forgotten about their childhood dreams. Didn’t anyone get the memo that we’re allowed to do whatever we want now!?  While unfortunately you do have to conform to the World’s system, you don’t have to conform to its mindset. Try to find that stubborn  little kid inside and  don’t  fear the path of resistance. Most will choose the path of least resistance, which usually leads nowhere all that wonderful. We may have been  forced or in a hurry to grow up, but this is one instance where being behind  is actually beneficial.

find your *magic* and keep it!

          bleu

Parents just don’t understand

As the young Will Smith sang“Parents just don’t understand.”
While 16 year old me agreed with that, I actually felt that way not too long ago.
When I  was first taken to my parents home for recovery I was highly agitated about it.
I even accused them of kidnapping me!
However, after one day when I was particularly mean to my Mum(i.e taking it out on Her) I began to think that maybe it’s ME that doesn’t understand…
After all they want the same thing I do, which is ultimately to get my life back.
As teens we all despised our own parents at one point or another and I found myself feeling that way again.
Although at the time I failed to take into account that they’re just people too.
We all were struggling with how to deal in the midst of this tragedy(see here.)
After I thought about it more and reminded myself that we were all working towards the same goal, it helped lessen the frustrations.
Because, you know they’re just humans too.
In fact they were a pair of rock n’ roll kids who basically ran away from home together at the age of 18 or so.
See the awesome “professional picture” of them below from the 1980’s which is my favorite. Many a visitor to my NewYork apartment marveled at it.

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When it comes down to it between these two humans, I think they did a pretty good job in raising me. They truly love my sometimes crazy self.
In sum, who I am today has in a large part been due to my parents.
Whether it be due to age or trials and tribulations, I’m proud of who I am.
They helped me when I needed it, and even when I accuse them of kidnapping they still love me and your parents do too, so try and cut them a break once in awhile.

Rock on and cheers!

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