Archive of ‘Life’ category

Damsel

Train Tracks
“Victory at all costs, victory in spite of all terror, victory however long and hard the road may be; for without victory, there is no survival.” -Winston Churchill

Perhaps you’re afraid of commitment, a strong independent  Woman, or claustrophobic. Therefore, you  likely  dislike and understand feeling tied down. Everyone wants to feel free to do what they want to do. However, there are things in life that can restrict us, and understandably so, we really hate that. Anything that serves to hold you back, hold you up, or hold you  down must go! We forget that these things aren’t always physical, but many are emotional too. If you cannot at least rid yourself of the physical circumstances, the good news is that the emotional ones you can. After all, give anything time and work on it with determination, perseverance,  with grit, and it will change. For a time in my case it was the ball and chain of medications. I  left the hospital with a tray full of nearly  ten(10!) different daily medications, a feeding tube, a daily shot, and confined to a home hospital bed. That was three years ago(2013)and what do I have now?  Well, only two(2!) daily medications, no feeding tube, and a supremely comfortable new queen bed. You see? Give it time. Granted, my family and I worked very hard to get here. Even in those times of feeling defeated or utterly disdainful, I can proudly say I  always got my butt out of bed to face the day.  Why? Because like certain foods, you eat it anyway  because it’s good for you.This is telling of the fact that you just need to face  life  no matter how scary it becomes. Because, like a taunting grade school bully, if you stand up to it, it will back down into a more manageable situation. At one time I needed medication to keep me sane, yet  more recently said medication is no longer needed. It’s been kicked to the curb. You can do this  too, no little  pill  can “fix,” your problems as well as you can by changing your way of thinking.  Perhaps, you’ll surprise yourself in finding that life gets ever better when you jump at it, rather then shrink away. If you need any reassurance of that, just ask the girl  who  was at once downtrodden but now  finds victory in everyday living. Because, simply having the privilege to live  out each day is a victory.

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true grit!

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Through the Looking Glass

“ ‘Closed timelike curve’ is the jargon for time travel. It means you go out, come back and meet yourself in the past.”-Kip Thorne.

As I stood at the gates next to my Father  I could nearly grasp those lost childhood years. The now abandoned  park that I gazed into was once teeming with  activity. However, now it stands a silent and still monument to  an era of magic.  Originally built in 1963 and closed down in 1999,  The Prehistoric Forest (or “Dinosaur Land”)encapsulated a few years of my life within it.While I  gazed into the park with a myriad  number of mixed emotions welling up inside me; I  imagined as I shrunk back into a child the park grew up  full life again. There exists throughout time and space pieces of us and our hearts wherever we’ve passed. In this case a road side attraction had  pieces of my beloved childhood memories within it. Beyond the fence  meant to keep me out, lay 8 acres of overgrown trails, random dinosaur(some broken)sculptures, and  a precious piece of me. It nearly felt as if  there was an invisible wall and  I could walk through into  my memory. So badly did I desire to relive that period, but alas time marches on with or without us. What it does leave behind for us are the memories. Even though I couldn’t physically  be back inside of that memory,  I was surrounded by the ghosts of it. I found it funny that present day I was standing in front of this park with the very people who lived in that memory with me, my Mom and Dad. Nothing will make you  cherish your life more then standing in front of the ruins of it, from a marvelous  period gone by. I could see a little me excitedly grabbing my Dad’s hand and crunching across the gravel to the now empty souvenir shop. “I want the  neon triceritops stuffed animal Dad!”  Although this place was fading away as each page of time was turned, it remained as vivid as ever within my memories. My Parents are  getting older and showing signs of wear, but here, in my memory they are always young. Never had inanimate objects made me consider my mortality more. I thought of all those moments that seem to go by unnoticed while they’re happening, but later become wholly significant. Because even as your living it that time  will hold great value in the future. Therefore, take lots of pictures, slow down, and tell the people whom deserve it that you love them every chance you get. To  learn and see more about my memory, click here!

Cheers!

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The Feels

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Love and compassion are necessities, not luxuries. Without them humanity cannot survive. -Dalai Lama

How much better could we understand each other, if we were able  to actually inhabit each other’s bodies? Like some version of the movie Freaky Friday.  I certainly know that I wished someone could inhabit my body(other than me) so they  could better understand my point of view. However, there is the ability of empathy , but even that wasn’t enough for me or others  that are in a crazy situation. Mere words were not enough, I wanted an absolute understanding and connection with someone. The support group I had gone to before,  I left because it was too negative and seemingly a group of people sitting around griping and being sad.  More recently I actually  revisited the group and found it to be better. Although, there was an overwhelming sentiment of people just wanting a relationship. Some had even never really had a romantic relationship. Whether romantic or not, it seems that  well and  “sick,” people are looking for a real connection. Why is that?  Even in an age that is so well connected.What makes it so difficult to connect with another human? Have we built up our walls of protection to be  too resilient? Is it a lack of empathy?  Perhaps it’s a mix of both. Whatever the reason, it’s clear that we need to be connecting to more than just the internet. Except for anyone in an isolated circumstance, the internet  becomes the connection. When you can’t really leave your house and your social life is  hanging on by a thread, the internet offers some much needed  socialization. Personally, I’m very social and I like talking to people so this was crucial for me. However, what about those who only see a caregiver and don’t really use the computer!?  I have often asked the Woman that comes over to help me, how much She knows about the other people She  works for. Of course, this is not done only to be nosy on my part. Knowing that some of those people likely desperately need  a social life, why not  help provide them with  that?  Sadly, not everyone realizes how important that is until it happens to them. Again,  where is that  body switching machine!? We really do need more understanding among us. Since this occurred to me I have become so much more aware of  the spirits inside of  some people. The World may see a smelly, street person, but I see   the person inside who really just needs  some compassion and acknowledgement. You don’t have to be religious, a guru, or “new age,” to  see someones  true spirit. You just need to pay attention in those places that the rest of the world(or those around you) ignore.

pay attention,

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Staring Contest

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Never be bullied into silence. Never allow yourself to be made a victim. Accept no one’s definition of your life, but define yourself.”
– Harvey Fierstein.

How often  do you feel the unexpected gaze or stare of  a stranger? Well, I do quite  a bit. So much in fact that my usually non-violent  cute little cousin spouted off frustrated comments about one such incident. I believe the statement, “ I would kick Her in Her big dumb face,” was  actually used. As mean as that sounds it was very sweet because She was upset about the gawking of one particular Woman. I, on the other hand didn’t even notice it. I’m sure people wonder what in the  heck  happened to me, which is fine. It took a good while to feel okay about going out into public after the hospital due to the potential(and  actual) gawking. However,  I was told to hold my head high no matter what, and haven’t looked back since. Whether you feel particularly good  or awfully different that makes no difference. Because, either way you should carry yourself with esteem.  Your story is unknown to a stranger and certainly not their story.This is where unknowingly the Ray Bans tagline of “Never Hide,” is actually brilliant. At some point I decided people were staring because I’m so damn pretty, so there. This allowed any rude gawkers or gawking to quickly fade to black in  my  grand play of life. Understandably, my cousin is thirteen years old and has yet to learn this. Yet, people of every age could benefit from such an attitude! You don’t have to resemble a piece of beef jerky and wear stretch band waisted pants, and “special shoes,” before you stop caring what other people think. You can start doing that  right now and it is  freedom!    Just imagine it like when kids   pick their noses in public, “ We just don’t care people.” To  have that feeling  of freedom is pretty awesome. It means you can focus more on the important things and less on other people. Because, it is extremely likely the rest of the population is far too self absorbed to pay so much attention to you anyway. In those odd moments when they do, whether it’s for something spectacular(I do have Prada on, thanks!) Or  something a bit embarrassing, it’s totally okay just breathe and move on. Granted, we’d rather be thought of as mostly spectacular the latter happens sometimes too. It is in those moments, whether occasionally or perpetual, we learn to just get back up. Besides, what  somebody else eats does not give you a stomach ache unless you let it.  Therefore, focus on what’s on your own plate. This isn’t to say you should be self absorbed,  certainly not. Except, that sometimes what’s on your plate is more important than what they have on theirs. After all, they’re not living your life for you that’s  in your hands.

go pick your nose!

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Count the missing

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This is not about making sure all the school kids are back on the bus after a field trip. Rather it’s about focusing on what you don’t have and making that a  positive. Sometimes, depending on your circumstances  those things can be  extreme, but relevant nonetheless. If you pay attention to all the drug advertisements on television that alone should comfort you. Because, if you listen  carefully they’re  aimed at a lot of people that are less fortunate  than you. The hundreds if not thousands of people that have things like hepatitis C, lung disease, multiple sclerosis, crohn’s disease, chronic arthritis, pulmonary edema, and a lot of things that you can barely pronounce! All of them are bad, and guess  what?  Count yourself lucky if you don’t have  any of those things, because many people do; otherwise mass pharmaceuticals wouldn’t target them. All too often we focus on the inconsequential things that we lack. What  you don’t realize is, that there are many things that you’re lucky  not to have!   The world worships and lusts for the material, ignoring the fact that  those things are actually immaterial. In some way(even small) you must find comfort in the fact that you are free of disease, have all  your limbs, your sight, and most of  if not all of your mental faculties. Those things  are a blessing to me because, according to some doctors I stood to lose my mental faculties in some part, endure chronic pain, lose the ability to walk(but have my legs)  and lack creative ability. However, I am very much creative, walking, pain free, and as intelligent as ever, imagine that. I  can hardly comprehend how fortunate I am, and  likely neither can you. We are so unaware of our inherent privileges because we’ve always had them. My exposure to years of rehabilitation therapy has  not only shown me what I don’t have(or need to work on) but it has  also  highlighted what I  do have. While lamenting  the lack of use of my left hand(for now!)  while at therapy, I saw a girl who didn’t have a hand at all.  While some may rate my health as worse because of what happened to me, I feel quite the contrary.  Never, have I been as healthy, health conscious, or enjoyed working out so much! Had I  known before the accident what I know now, you’d never be able to get me away from the gym. Our bodies are  miraculous creations, and they can be pushed to new heights with our determination. Of course, it takes work and dedication, but it’s more than worth it. When you take care of your body well it will take care of you in ways you didn’t  imagine. We should love and show love to our bodies no matter  what the size. After this happened to me and I lost so much physical ability for a time, it  created a deep appreciation  within me for the things I   can(and am still able) to do. To neglect my body and it’s physical abilities would be a high crime. Therefore, everyday you wake up full and healthy don’t dare waste a minute of it! This life is a gift.

 walk in love,

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Growing Pains

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“Those with the strength to succeed in the long run are the ones who lay a firm foundation of growth with the bricks that life has thrown at them.” -Marc and Angel Hack Life.

Let’s face it, growing can be painful.  Not just physical growth but emotional  growth as well.  Your bones stretch,  sometimes you even break them, hormones change, and your feelings get hurt. All throughout life we continue to grow, and it seems it never stops hurting does it? Just when you think you’re invincible your armor gets pierced by that big bully  named life. However, even though  some of us learn to dodge or withstand the attacks sometimes it  looks as though the bully has won the fight. Except,  here’s the thing, you’re not allowed to give up mid battle. Because if you do that, how will you ever  live to see the other side to your victory?   As tiresome as it feels, with determination  you still manage the energy to carry on. It’s no secret that we all have wanted to give up but look,  it is then you found that little piece of coal to keep the fire going.  This is why we need stories and inspiration, to stoke the fire and bring it to an appropriate roar. There is no way we’re going to let Goliath win the fight! I don’t care how small I may seem, my spirit can rise up to  giant heights, and so can yours. So big in fact, that you tower over Goliath. It was when I looked to be at my weakest that I found my strength. How? Because, giving up or giving in is not an option. Even though a rock would be lovely to crawl under sometimes, we must overturn  the rocks. Because,  if you hide underneath a rock you’ll suffocate. No matter how you feel, there’s something to be said for being seen regardless. It will do you good to carry onward and upward. Hold your head high no matter what! A ship reaches its destination when the sails are full(winds of inspiration?) and the rudder is facing the  direction in which it wants to go. The same can be said for which way your head is facing and the direction of your eyes.

sail on! and keep your head up.

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Go Sailor

Efforts and courage are not enough without purpose and direction.”– John F. Kennedy.

You may not be the Captain of a ship, but you still need to know in which direction your rudder is pointing! Except in this instance the ship is your life and the rudder is your thoughts. Your life will go in the direction of your dominant  thoughts. However,  if you’ve aimed your ship at the cliffside rocks, there is still a way to turn it around. It’s possible to take your thoughts captive and replace those negative  thoughts with positive ones. Because, whether you’re aware of it or not we all have an enemy whispering  into our ears trying to derail us from the great  and fulfilling future  we have ahead of us. All it takes is a steady stream of “you cant’s,” “ it’s not going to happen,” and  “  this is impossible,” to derail your  ship from reaching its destination. Nowhere  in your life   did  anyone ever tell  you that you simply could not do something, besides your Mother when you were a child, yourself, and guess who else? The enemy!  The one who comes to  kill steal  and destroy your dreams. Therefore, we need to recognize when we’re being lied to. Because, if we fall prey to these lies the cost is too great. The cost is the future you were(and are) meant  to have. What many of us have not been privy to our entire lives is the truth about who we  are.  We are beautiful, capable, strong, intelligent, and  first and foremost LOVED.  You see, this enemy of ours  who loves to tell us the opposite of all those things celebrates when we actually believe them. In nearly every instance of  human failure you can find a place where  someone believed those lies. Because if you believe them how could you succeed!? By convincing you that you’re weak when your actually strong, you’ll let life and its challenges run right over you. However, once you have  the enemy’s  tactics on lock down you’ll easily overcome them. Why?  Because you’re capable,you’re beautiful, you’re strong, you’re loved, and that’s the truth! Now go out there and make the enemy  be scared of you.

Sail on strong!

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I am a lost boy

“The turning point in the process of growing up is when you discover the core of strength within you that survives all hurt.”

-Max Lerner.

This song has been haunting me, echoing through my mind like a voice down an empty hallway. We have all been “lost boys,” at one point or another. Whether we’re lonely, trying to find our way, or just plain old mischievous and free  of  obligations. The funny thing is, the lost boys actually had a large group of friends, yet were still considered lost.

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Perhaps you too have been part of a crowd but still felt like you didn’t quite belong. I first heard the song wafting over the  radio airwaves on a dark night time drive, and again at a  beautiful dance recital that was punctuated with the  feeling of endings(a last dance for High School Senior students. I love music because it has a way of expressing and  relating nearly every  emotion through  it’s  sonic landscape. I  always said when I died I wanted to become a music note. As a  musical note I could weave in and out of space and be emitted over  waves of sound. As well as touch people’s hearts. When you’re a music note your  essentially immortal and always a part of something beautiful. Of course we can’t talk about Peter Pan without  mentioning Captain Hook. What is your  personal Captain Hook? Because we all have one. He comes in the form of  opposition, negativity, and hardships. When we’re looking to find our way and having hope for a future each of us becomes a “lost boy.”     Then, we grow up much to our chagrin and the tribe of lost boys scatters. No longer do you have that adolescent camaraderie and sense of adventure. As the world becomes less new and your feet  change sizes, so does our reality and the people in it. Suddenly adult obligations or responsibilities begin to seep into and   take apart  the tribe of lost boys.  However, the invisible thread that at once connected us is always there. We may grow and change but our hearts and spirits  remain largely the same. Sometimes the wind will carry a tune   to my ear or a familiar smell to my nose and  gently remind me of my tribe. Although they’re scattered about I know that their still  there.   Having a stroke has displaced me as a lone tribe member looking for the path to our hideout in the woods. As I wander I keep an eye out for it to emerge once again from the shrouded trees. Dear friend, may We all discover that path and find our way back to belonging.

pals & pixie dust,

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The Great Escape

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“Faces that have charmed us the most escape us the soonest.”- Walter Scott. 

Everyone had left the room, so in earnest my Grandmother and I  made a rope of tied together bedsheets,and I put Her on my back and  threw the sheets out of the window. Then  together We scaled down the side of the building and away to safety and into  a  world of happiness.  At least that’s what I envisioned as I sat next to my  dying Great Grandmother in a rehab facility bedroom. The family had come to the conclusion that She was soon to be departing Earth, so everyone had come to visit Grandma before She left. However, when I was left alone with Her  with this vision in my head, I started to describe the adventure We’d have together while She giggled. Of course in reality both of us were pretty much stuck in that room. I could no better sling Her on my back as much as She could make Herself young again. Sometimes, as hard as we try it seems impossible to change ourselves. Even though I wasn’t able to make our comic book adventures come true,  it doesn’t mean that  nothing else is possible. In reality  We can’t  all jump out of windows, even though in our dreams we can.  Luckily, in this  World our dreams are possible if  given the right environment and the chance. Even though I may not have been able to whisk my Grandmother away, Her wisdom still remains. One that taught me to to get up and  get dressed  to meet the day even when  no one is  going to see it. There’s something to be said for    an effort that  doesn’t beg for  attention  but is simply for ones self. This illustrates that you  don’t need validation from others to be complete.  At  whatever age until She was 97, my Grandmother got ready and dressed for the day even if She was alone just watching television. How appropriate that a Woman that had lived through the depression taught me to have class and to value what you have. By enduring an era that was so well acquainted with lacking She  learned to value and appreciate what  She did have. That’s something we all need to realize and work on.

stay classy!

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Upgrade

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“Set high standards and few limitations for yourself.”- Anthony J. D’Angelo

Don’t you dare set a glass ceiling for yourself! We were made to spread like seeds and for  the good things we desire to multiply in our lives. The World  is limitations based on shortages. As evidenced by the mass media’s favorite things to report on; shortages and lack. However, don’t fall into the trap of evaluating yourself based  upon what other people say or limitations you place on yourself. Also, don’t let circumstances  shape you and adjust your goals to them. Don’t stop aiming for the “big ticket,” because currently your bank account doesn’t reflect the cost of said  big ticket. Rather than  looking at what you don’t have, focus on what you do have!  We tend to look more at what there isn’t than what there is.  Here’s  a  short list that’s sure to garner an increase of  what you desire:

1) Be thankful a.k.a gratitude.

2) Use what you have.

3) Bless what you have.

  Did you know that as babies we only have two natural fears?  They are falling  or being dropped and loud noises. However, a study done   on  700 Adults showed that they shared a common number of fears,(about 7,000) and that somewhere between birth and adulthood we had acquired thousands of fears.   We were not born to harbor fear and worry, the two main culprits responsible for  setting limits. We’re afraid of the future, afraid of what others may think, and afraid to take risks.  Personally, my biggest accomplishments came when I ignored any limitations or what people said. I would bet once you do the same, the sky’s the limit! Dear readers do not be conformed to this world, there are no limitations,only the ones we allow to be set in our lives.

Limit who?

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