“The person who follows the crowd will usually go no further than the crowd.” -unknown.
I have come to the conclusion that I likely won’t meet a massive stroke survivor like myself, because most of them die. It’s a sobering thought, but true. For so long I longed to meet another stroke survivor like myself. However, most people that have a massive stroke do not survive. This leaves me in the minority. While lying in bed and contemplating my search, which has spanned the better part of five years, it hit me. “ You won’t meet anyone like you, because they’ve all expired.”
This leaves me to travel a lonely path, one that has not been traveled before. As much as I want a mentor to tell me what to do, alas that cannot be so. This is all together frightening and exciting. Because, like a free form jazz musician I can go anywhere within my realm. Rather than take advantage of the freedom, I worried for a very long time that I was playing in the wrong key. Was I too loud? Was I too soft? Would anyone understand what I was trying to convey? After struggling to play along with blank sheet music, I was forced to start writing the song myself. Before I was discharged from the hospital , a round table of doctors told my Parents that they had no idea what my future held because they had never seen anyone survive what I did. Most of the time I live in a space of unreality, where the stroke does not exist. However, in those spaces where reality does break through, besides feeling nausea I know I cannot remain idle. Despite the predilection to want to curl up into a ball and let the rest of the world fall away, that is not an option for me. Why? Because when tragedy strikes, the only way out is through.
March on brave soldier,