Posts Tagged ‘stroke recovery’

Perspective

I don’t always take my own advice, and today I was reminded of a  glaring truth that I sometimes choose to ignore. What was it?  “ It is within your power to change your circumstances.”   I  internally grimaced at the phrase. Because, change  means you( and I) have to stop making excuses. We have to grit our teeth and face our fears. We have to voluntarily put ourselves in  uncomfortable situations. It is essentially a process of self enforced growth.  We even have to accept the possibility of failure. However, one can never be defeated!  The only thing that can truly defeat us is death. Short of that, (or instead of)  you have a lot of work to do to reach your goals!  Whether it is seeing or creating a beautiful space when you live in the NYC Projects, envisioning fluid movement in a paralyzed limb, or  going after  a job you want, all three require perspective. You could see the projects as  a  one way ticket to failure in Life, that paralyzed limb as dead or lost to you, or- that dream job as just a far off illusion. Except ( and this is a big exception) you could instead view all these things as their opposites. The walls of those projects are not barriers, but places that can be beautified and a starting point. The left hand (or foot) that refuses to take orders from your brain or somehow has fallen into a deep slumber, is merely in an invisible cast until it’s fully healed.  The  interviewer of your dream job  just hasn’t met YOU yet, and therefore the position remains open. More than anything,   in order to change your circumstances for the better, it certainly helps if you see the unfavorable circumstances, of which you are  currently  in,  as a catapult, rather than a barrier.  You may not be where you want to be right now, but viewing your current position in a positive light, is the beginning of getting to your ultimate destination. I’m not living in my own apartment in New York City, like I was (or still should be) before  suffering a massive stroke. But, in the mean time until I get  back to that day dream, I am living in a wonderful home  that allows me the space and time for self growth, physical recovery, and  enjoyable activities.  Much of what goes on in our heads manifests in the outer world either positively or negatively. Since self fulfilling prophecy is indeed a thing,   begin to prophesize good things for yourself. Whether BIG or small,   You can achieve them all!

New Year, New You.

In anticipation of the events happening in the next two days, surely thousands have already worked out the plans they have for the next 365 ( or  approximately 8,760 hours)  to come.    However, in your pursuit of self improvement remember  that it’s a journey rather than a destination. As much  as you’d like to fast forward to your goal completed, it would be a mistake to miss  out on all the steps that took you there. Because each one holds in it a refinement of  who you are, and no detail should be forgotten.  It is within the work of self improvement that you’ll find  the greatest lessons. Each New Year, thousands of  confetti pieces ( a square inch in size) with wishes scribbled on them rain down on the heads of revelers  in  New York City’s Times Square. I  should know as I was one of the hopeful Souls to write my wish on a little piece of   brightly colored paper,  along with others  every Year.  It seems  sad  that these sentiments  will be swept away by street cleaners after the celebration ends. Yet even  so, the authors of the wishes will not forget them. One wonders how   many will come to pass, and how they will be fulfilled.  By sheer self determination? By chance? By   Life’s own serendipitous ways?   It’s difficult to leave anything up to fate, as we tend to relish control. But,……. Newsflash! The only thing you truly  have control of  is your response to the  circumstances of Life.  So, you do get to choose. Will you choose to be defeated or work towards  victory?   When your carefully laid plans are unexpectedly derailed, how will you choose to respond? This is as important of a question as  it is to  chart your goals for the coming Year. Because  as  any survivor of trauma will tell you, plans change, people change, and you will change right along with them. And that’s okay. In fact it is inevitable  that you  will change in the face of a derailment.  Except, in which direction will you choose to change? For the better, or for the worse?   If  the goals you set for this coming Year go terribly awry  will you choose to work towards them irregardless? Or  in a dark mood, will you scrap them?  I have a better (and diifficult)  suggestion. Keep going after them.  Not only will  this help maintain your motivation, but guess what? In spite of  a perceived  loss, you will gain, gain, gain.

Happy New Year!

The perception of loss

“Success consists of going from failure to failure without loss of enthusiasm.”
– Winston Churchill.

Some events in our lives are so vile, we can only truly reflect on them(or share them) many years later.  So, what happened on October 12th of 2012? Well, I lost everything. For me, those many years later happen to be a decade. I suppose I can thank  cognitive dissonance for helping me to navigate through the impossible.  No matter how many times a  well meaning therapist or loved one attempted to  label me disabled,  waxed poetic about a “new normal,” or looked at me with complete disbelief when I declared my goals, none of it mentally deterred me.  Because, deep down I know I have lost nothing, only gained. I can clearly recall bellowing out in emotional pain  from the deepest darkest place of my soul, whilst laying on a therapy mat in a  hospital rehabilitation gym among other broken people, who were  crawling around like worms unable to  walk/sit up, or rolling around  on their backs like flipped over turtles. I didn’t want to be among these people, and I  certainly did not want to  BE one of these people! However, nonetheless I was. There was no denying the medical records, or the gravity of my unexpected circumstances. Not grasping that my brain wasn’t cooperating I would punch my paralyzed left arm  with anger and hate. The   reality is that for all the time I felt I’d lost, I actually gained  time. In fact, since that vile day in October, rather then it resulting in my death, my Life was spared.  Per my calculation, since then I’ve  navigated through 86,400 hours that I almost never had. I almost never saw my surprise Breakfast at Tiffany’s themed 30th birthday. I almost never met Lucy aka Goose the dog love of my Life.  I almost never felt the Summer sun  gently warming my skin, or  felt the beautiful Fall breeze  brush across my face. Instead, I now drive by the funeral home where my wake would’ve been held  and see other people’s names on the  sign.  Loss is only perceived, and in the face of any “loss,”  you can choose to push through to gain.  Therefore, do not weep over a failure only see it as an opportunity for growth. Because, as long as you are living there is a purpose and a hope.

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Wherever you go, there you are

What defines you? The answer to that question will vary for almost everyone. However, most of those answers will probably be incorrect. Is it your personality? Your  worldly possessions? Or perhaps your zip code? The question of what makes  us human has been debated for eons, and more interestingly  this question could be answered by a  neuroscientist. In other words, perhaps it is the contents of our brains that make us who we are. I contend that it is the strength of your character, the contents of your heart, and the  fruits of your Life.  Sometime ago I would’ve answered it’s your personality that makes you who you are. Except, personalities can change. They only appear to remain constant as long as a person’s Life circumstances remain fairly stable.  Throw a massive stroke in(like I had) or other variation of a brain injury and  what  happens after that, will certainly challenge who you are. Amid  the many words heard  from medical professionals were “personality change,” “ Won’t recognize loved ones anymore,”  and “ We just don’t know how She will turn out.”    I’ll be the first to admit that my behavior at times was outlandish, my social filter was severely compromised, and  everything was up in the air. But- as time goes on( and my social filter has improved) it has become increasingly clear, that I am and have always been me. My interests haven’t particularly changed much, my sense of humor, my likes and dislikes, and so on. What’s stunning about this from a personal and even medical perspective is that, a major trauma or even physical changes have not deviated me away from who I am at the very core of my being.   It doesn’t seem to matter where you put me, I find a way to thrive just as a flower that grows through concrete. Ultimately I’ve learned, what matters most is what you give to others rather than take. And  I’ll tell you a secret. IT ALWAYS COMES BACK TO YOU!
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Dear future Suitor,

“Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage.”

Lao Tzu.

   While  at one time I only needed you to be cute, have a reasonable amount of knowledge about punk music, know how to skateboard, and have cool hair…… As Bob Dylan sings(not punk) “The times they are -a- changin.”   These days I actually care about things like integrity, employment,  your moral compass, and our shared future prospects. If  you  don’t know already(or yet) I had a stroke, and besides time changing things, so does almost dying. I’ve always put in a vast amount of effort to reach my goals and stroke recovery has been no different. Except(I lied) one thing has. Besides undergoing an arduous amounts of therapy, I’ve mirrored my physical development  with  meaningful growth of my soul. Neither has been easily achieved. Therefore, I’m not willing to put the priceless  fruits  of my labor(or my heart) into just anyones hands. So, I need  you to step up. Reject me if you will over the effects the stroke has had on my life(this has already happened) but  you’d be making an egregious mistake. This is in no way because I think I’m better than other people. It’s because I know my value. Although, much of it was robbed from me upon waking up in a hospital, the years have added it back and then some. Perhaps it’s age, time, or snobbery, I know it is wisdom! Far too many people(me too) undervalue  themselves. We look into   the mirror of society, and  a distorted image stares back at us. The truth is, we are powerful,  beautiful,  and strong beings capable of ever  expanding knowledge. Nothing is fixed, something I once wished wasn’t true, but am now grateful for it. Change means we can grow, progress can be made, and it makes Life precious. Mine, yours,  everyones. The bottom line is, if you can be half as wonderful as my beloved dog Goose, I think we’ll be fine.

H.E double hockey sticks.

“My favorite driver is always either the bad guy or the underdog.” -Bo Jackson.

  John Colone has always been in on the joke. In fact, most likely He orchestrated it. Hell, Michigan has not only been the catalyst for many events, and caused some local controversies, but it’s also a place that champions the underdog. Wayward travelers, misfits, survivors, and tourists from all over the world visit this tiny town. There is not only an atmosphere of mischief, but of acceptance. Have crazy colored hair? Welcome.  Physically disabled? Welcome. A massive stroke survivor? Welcome.   All are welcome, and if you are a misfit of society, all the better. This is because, not only is there no discrimination in the town of Hell, they understand survivors. The struggle is real, and many who populate this place, from tourists to “Hellbillies.” get it.  The attitude is refreshing and not often found outside of  the borders of Hell. Imagine a place where you are given a chance to do something different, to be who you are, and to succeed. Well, then maybe you should get a job in town, I just did! Yup. After spending  countless hours putting my efforts into finding  employment the traditional way, at the usual places….. All I had to do was go down the street! Because right around the corner from me, is Hell. Michigan. I considered secretary positions, jobs related to my field of expertise(medical) and technological jobs.  However, I ultimately landed in the place I need to be at this time.  You know the saying “If you build it they will come?” Well, John built a town based on a punchline and over the years Good Morning America has passed through, Netflix, The Travel Channel, and even Sundance.  I suspect all the attention is the result of more than a funny name. Because, just like the charm of a stranger or honey to a bee, Hell has a natural magnetism. An energy that can be better understood if you spend any length of time here. Even more so if you meet the man behind the curtain. If you’d like to check it out more  visit http://www.gotohellmi.com  or drop by in person and say Hello. Perhaps, I’ll see you there!

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Dear Reader.

You’ll never know who you are unless you shed who you pretend to be.”
― Vironika Tugaleva.

You are more than a conqueror. You are above and not below. You are victorious. You are strong. You are loved. You have love. You have peace. But most of all  there is only one of you! Perhaps no one has told you these things before, but they should have! Too long we have been living from the wrong identity. Identities that have persuaded us that we aren’t enough or we don’t have enough. Because of this we often make the wrong decisions based on a feeling(and out of a place) of lack. However, when we have confidence in, and know our true identities, all our decisions then flow from that place instead. Our  choices all become filtered through the truth rather than a lie. This entire message and concept are exciting to me because it will revolutionize your life. Going into the next decade, if you live from the place of your trueidentity  you’ll experience triumph after triumph. No longer will you be a slave to those old ideas of self. Therefore, not only do you have to make a conscious choice to withdraw from those old ways, but to recognize the truth. Which is, as I’ve said above, the opposite of everything that has held you  down or led to bad decisions.  If you believe you are lacking in some area, you’ll usually strive to get it in some way. Not knowing(or realizing) that you already have it!  If you truly employ this modus operandi, the world around you will change. No longer will you be bending to fit the world, but suddenly it will bend to fit YOU.   Going forward, try to remember that no one can make you feel anything but what you CHOOSE. So, please in every situation choose life.

Happy  New Year!

Lets Get Real.

When you stop living your life based on what others think of you, real life begins.”
-unknown.

For most of us were thankful that our private thoughts  remain unknown by most of the people around us. But what if they weren’t? Would you be embarrassed,  shamed, or uneasy?  Most likely  it’s a mix of all three. Therefore I’m sure you’re thankful that no one can read your mind! However, what happens when(and if) you meet someone that can see right through you? It’s uncomfortable to say the least. Well, more recently  that very thing happened to me. But you know what? After the initial horror it was quickly followed by a mixture of relief and a feeling of  refreshment. That’s certainly  due to the fact that I needed to be called out! I think you probably do too. How are we to live an authentic life(that is the trending hashtag is it not) if we can’t be real with one another or even ourselves? The problem seems to  be with safety. How safe do you  feel with others? How safe do you feel venturing into the void of your own heart? And  finally, in this upside down world, do you feel safe at all?  Not many of us come across people we feel safe  with. If you’re  blessed you will find  a person that has your best interest in mind. Today, for the first time ever I met one of  those people. It was scary! It was refreshing! Last but not least I am blessed for it!   When you get called out personally, see this as a chance to grow. If  you’re not  uncomfortable  you are not growing. So grit your teeth, clench your eyes, or stay silent when you want to scream, and get uncomfortable. Somewhere in your loss of comfort  you’ll find the kind of gains that will make you a better person.

Blur

“Whether you think you can or you can’t you are  right.” -Henry Ford.

Perhaps when you wake up from a coma, not only are you seeing the world with new  eyes but the world is seeing you with new eyes as well. After a traumatic brain injury,  once the fog of confusion lifts, you  eventually realize there is no use in looking back only forward. Because, you are no longer who you used to be, so rather than  chase the same dreams ,you invent new ones.  In many ways reality becomes “unreality,” as you keep hoping it’s all just a bad dream that you’ll wake from. The problem arises when it   becomes apparent, that in fact this is your reality. Daydreams, imagination, and fleeting entertainment become your modes of escape. However, when those things end you have to drop back into waking life and  take action. Just make sure you’re moving in the right direction, and not just treading water spinning memories of what you believe your life was supposed to be like at this point in time. Sometimes, in fact, most of the time. Our life story is not linear.  Indeed, after the stroke  occurred mine became somewhat circular. I had to relearn walking, talking, eating, and I’ve fallen short  in my attempts like a toddler often does. But you know what? Now rather then such things  being a setback it’s more of an annoyance! It’s annoying being reminded that there’s still so much work to do. Not only on  myself  but in seemingly every arena outside of  myself  as well. At times it’s like putting back  together a shattered mirror. You just need to get everything to fit correctly, so you can see yourself  again. Until that point there are small pieces of you everywhere that are incomplete. So,  all you can do is carefully collect each piece, inspect it, repair the damage, and then place it back into it’s correct position. In stroke recovery and traumatic brain injury recovery this takes years. However, no day spent on self improvement is wasted. A day becomes wasted if we give up on trying to move  forward. Therefore, never let your spirit become idle my friends.

Stir things up!

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Discovery

“Life is too short to be at war with yourself.” -unknown.

After  a traumatic brain injury  our souls tend to get lost in the fog. Actually,  after any serious trauma, every person  needs some time to get a strong foothold on reality once more. However, with strokes and injuries of similar circumstances there can be personality changes.   I remember my Mother saying “You’re still there!” As I giggled with joy at the fact, She had recognized in me  a character trait that had been unchanged by my stroke.  Much like Robin Williams is not recognized by the lost boys as Peter Pan; I had to let my personality shine through so I could be recognized. I was so afraid that besides stealing my life circumstances the stroke had taken my personality too. I spent a great deal of time questioning the what-ifs, buts, and making excuses. Such self doubt led to me over explaining my intentions and questioning myself.  Resulting in a further retreat of my personality. It was when I finally let go, and receded into peace while my circumstances washed around me like water; that I was able to find my way   through the fog of such a traumatic event. If only I had learned to let go sooner, how much further along would I be now? I was clinging to life as it  was, rather then how it IS. Accepting your circumstances doesn’t mean you’re going to settle for being stuck, quite the opposite! Instead, through acceptance comes peace and THEN the real battle can begin.  We all have a variety of battles to fight on our individual paths through life. However, that fight becomes much more difficult when your own ego gets in the way. When you finally embrace the path you’re walking, it is then you can choose which way to go. The fun part comes, when you realize that can be ANY direction.  As a survivor of  a trauma you have been given the tools to write a new book.  I only advise to aim for that book to be on the best sellers list.

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