Posts Tagged ‘miracles’
“Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today, and creates a vision for tomorrow.” – Melody Beattie.
As seen through the lens of a near death experience, you have no real problems. Paralysis? That’s a problem. Being stuck in a wheelchair for awhile(permanently for some) that’s a problem. These are just a couple of the problems I had after the stroke, and although the wheelchair is a thing of the past(see here) I still have many mountains to climb as I move forward in my recovery. Most of these mountains are things people take for granted. Like, gainful employment, driving, and generally living an independent lifestyle. If anything, that was my modus operandi before the stroke. I’ve always been and am fiercely independent and some would say stubborn. However, like everyone else I took my independent existence for granted. Imagine losing your lucrative job, nice NY apartment, a significant other, and waking up incapacitated in a hospital in one fell swoop? That is the reality(or more like un-reality) I woke up to in 2013.Many miles away from where I had built my home. As I grappled with my daunting circumstance, I often asked my distraught Parents to take me back to my apartment in NewYork. However, that was not to happen because I didn’t yet fully comprehend what had happened to me. Fast forward to 2018… Today, I stand here having completed years of therapy and hitting some pretty big milestones. After climbing all those mountains, taking things for granted has generally been beaten out of me. In light of what could(and what did) happen, I have no problems. I had money in the bank, great health, and love before the stroke.Yet I still have them after! Although, maybe not in the capacity that I would like. Regardless I have them. Thus, I am working away like a little construction worker rebuilding my life after pouring the foundation of regaining basic skills. I have had to get back to eating solid foods, re-learn how to walk and work on social skills in order to function normally again. Although, it’s still a work in progress, aren’t we all? I figure, as long as you’re still alive you have a reason and a purpose to be here. Therefore march on brave soldiers!
“The most pathetic person in the world is some one who has sight but no vision.”
― Helen Keller.
When you look at something, what do you see? Do you see what’s on the surface, the physical, the flaws, the beauty, or the potential? In my experience, if you can supersede your natural instincts and look past the obvious that’s when forward motion in life occurs. It’s easy to see an obstacle that’s been placed in front of you by life, and perceive it as impossible to surpass. However, there are those that see what is possible instead. Whether it’s being born with muscular dystrophy, losing an arm, or becoming a full time model(and actress) in New York even though you were born by society’s standards as irredeemably ugly, anything is possible! What these three women embody is the ability to overcome and look past those barriers with true grit and vision. It would’ve been easy to give up and let the lemons they’d been handed slowly dry out their resolve and souls in the process. Instead, they used those very lemons to quench their thirst. Who says a deficit cannot be turned into a spring board? Also, who concluded that a “big,” problem could not lend you the very strength you need to overcome it? That’s the thing, no one. Which means, with the right vision you’re free(and able) to overcome those obstacles. For every problem there is a solution, and in some cases multiple solutions. Born ugly? Move to New York and shake up the conformity in the modeling industry. A shark bit off your arm while surfing!? Well, just learn to balance, continue surfing, and go on to win multiple surfing contests. Were you born with a debilitating disease and wheelchair bound? Well, it doesn’t affect your face so go to an open casting call for Diesel and become the face of their new campaign. You see? In each unfortunate circumstance they went against their natural instincts. Their perceived handicaps, were just that perceived, not permanent. If we had microscopic vision we’d see that all matter around us is made up of atoms and molecules that are continually in motion. That means things are constantly moving, and there is no reason a circumstance should put your life(and goals) at a stand still. In fact things cannot help but move, and that includes moving forward! Therefore, don’t let a perceived obstacle stop you dead in your tracks. As evidenced by the Ladies above(Jillian Mercado, Bethany Hamilton, and Lillian Gaydos) the only obstacles are in our minds.
“I refuse to let others walk thru my mind with their dirty feet.”
I’m a walking contradiction, a conundrum even to myself. For I have everything and nothing at the same time. At the onset of my ordeal(the stroke) I missed out on a few social engagements, a tropical vacation, a raise, my apartment in Astoria Queens was no longer, and I lost the job I had been working when the stroke occurred. Oh, and I woke up back where I started before I moved to New York City and physically worse for wear. To add insult to injury my boyfriend also broke up with me. This all accumulated into a waking nightmare. As if life isn’t hard enough, my blood and brain had conspired against me. I rarely(if ever) have written about how I felt after waking up in the hospital in my home state; but its safe to say complete and utter loss while in a black abyss. I can recall myself loudly and randomly letting out screams of emotional pain in the rehabilitation department. However, there’s a catch because, better a delay than a disaster. Also, it didn’t hurt that I am surrounded by an incredible group of family and friends; who helped me through my pain, and very often their own. At this point and especially in the hospital, most would concur that I had lost it all and nothing remains. Even as I am writing this with one hand because my left arm is currently paralyzed, I know I haven’t lost it all. In fact just as the night is darkest before the dawn in nature, so is life sometimes. Indeed the days are getting lighter as time passes. How could they not!? You see I have everything because, I’ve been instilled with an indomitable spirit, the determination and perseverance to succeed, and the wisdom to recognize tiny daily miracles. This all adds up to my main goal, numero uno… which is to get back on the tracks my train was derailed from. Each one of us encounter disasters in life, but with the right glasses on we can still see the light in the darkness. There is never complete darkness in nature or in our lives. Even when we imagine it to be so, the reality is that it is not. I can honestly tell you that it does get better. Except, there is one thing…. No matter the mountain, you must never give up!
may God be with you!
What were you doing on October 12th 2012?
Well, I can tell you what I did because I had a massive stroke that day
while out of the city (NYC)for my job.
I was found unresponsive and very near death by a cleaning woman in my hotel bathroom.
I was then rushed to the very hospital I was working for.
Below Photo: In Wilson Hospital of New york in ICU
Seven blood clots,many cat scans,a med flight, and a few surgeries later here I am in present day time. It has been a year and a half of recovery from my personal war in a hospital in upstate New York (Wilson Hospital).
A team of healthcare professionals worked tirelessly to save me while I was surrounded by my family and friends praying to God for my life to be spared.
Against the odds it was spared and I survived.
I was flown to University of Michigan Hospital where I remained for 64 days
in in- patient rehab. My Father and I during the medflight on Kalitta Air. (above)I relearned how to walk again and built up my strength As well as re-learning things like reading,writing,reasoning,and conversation skills with speech&language therapists.
It has been an unimaginable journey and it still continues.
Now I have another “go-around.”
This time I am not only smarter and more determined but also know how to go about things better,I’m thankful for that.
In conclusion, this has certainly highlighted the fragility and beauty of life for me.
At an all too young age, I have suffered what some do in very old age.
This has led me to appreciate different things.
As well as meet a slew of special people along the way.
Today I’m sitting at a beautiful new desk and typing on a new computer.
I still have physical problems and work to do.
However I know it will get better and continues to.
The world may think I’ve “lost.”
I beg to differ,I’ve gained more than most.