“ ‘Closed timelike curve’ is the jargon for time travel. It means you go out, come back and meet yourself in the past.”-Kip Thorne.
As I stood at the gates next to my FatherI could nearly grasp those lost childhood years. The now abandonedpark that I gazed into was once teeming withactivity. However, now it stands a silent and still monument toan era of magic.Originally built in 1963 and closed down in 1999,The Prehistoric Forest (or “Dinosaur Land”)encapsulated a few years of my life within it.While Igazed into the park with a myriadnumber of mixed emotions welling up inside me; Iimagined as I shrunk back into a child the park grew upfull life again. There exists throughout time and space pieces of us and our hearts wherever we’ve passed. In this case a road side attraction hadpieces of my beloved childhood memories within it. Beyond the fencemeant to keep me out, lay 8 acres of overgrown trails, random dinosaur(some broken)sculptures, anda precious piece of me. It nearly felt as ifthere was an invisible wall and I could walk through intomy memory. So badly did I desire to relive that period, but alas time marches on with or without us. What it does leave behind for us are the memories. Even though I couldn’t physicallybe back inside of that memory,I was surrounded by the ghosts of it. I found it funny that present day I was standing in front of this park with the very people who lived in that memory with me, my Mom and Dad. Nothing will make youcherish your life more then standing in front of the ruins of it, from a marvelousperiod gone by. I could see a little me excitedly grabbing my Dad’s hand and crunching across the gravel to the now empty souvenir shop. “I want theneon triceritops stuffed animal Dad!”Although this place was fading away as each page of time was turned, it remained as vivid as ever within my memories. My Parents aregetting older and showing signs of wear, but here, in my memory they are always young. Never had inanimate objects made me consider my mortality more. I thought of all those moments that seem to go by unnoticed while they’re happening, but later become wholly significant. Because even as your living it that timewill hold great value in the future. Therefore, take lots of pictures, slow down, and tell the people whom deserve it that you love them every chance you get. To learn and see more about my memory, click here!
“The true warrior isn’t immune to fear, She fights in spite of it.” -Francesca Lia Block.
What’s the best memoryyou have from your life? I asked my 97 year old Great Grandma. “ I don’t think about those things much anymore.” She replied. Whether it’s because She can’t remember or doesn’t want to I’m not sure, but regardless She still wanted Her pictures in Her new room. Our memories like pictures canbring us back to a specific time and placeand with them the same feelings. A picture can not only say a thousand words but can bring us back into a moment ata precise point inspace and time. I used to collectold pictures of strangers from antique shops and dream up stories about them. People often wish for a time machine, but we’ve alreadybuilt one, the camera. A photographlike a memory fades over time, and you can never have too many of the good ones. But unlike memories photographs don’t rearrange themselves. Perhaps this is why we tend to value our photographs so much. We take them, even paying others to take them for us,compile them into books, and save them froma fire. As a human race we collectively cherish our good memories. The reason for this is evident, lifecan be hard! Having the ability to look backand remember the good times isoften a life saver.In the early days of my stroke recovery I found myself looking at pictures a lot to remind myself of the wonderful times I’ve had. This is also why when one begins to lose memory it’s so devastating. Much like photographs getting lost or burned up in a house fire. Except the house fire is in the form of a disease like alzheimers or dementia, and sometimes denial. When you’re having a difficult time it’svital to tell yourself the right kind of stories. Just as you would look athappy pictures when your sad, see yourself as the hero and victor in your own story!
“To the world you may just be someone, but to someone you may be the whole world.”
It’s strange andsometimes emotional when I unexpectedly(or expectantly)stumble acrossobjects from my life in New York City. Essentially, while I was in a coma(not knowing if I would live)friends andfamilypacked up my belongings and my apartment. So there I was out of commission and my life(hanging in the balance)packed away into numerous boxes. They made the trek from New York, to New Jersey,and then Michigan. While Ieventually followed them. From time to time, I will be doing something and randomly see or find something thatused to live in my New York apartment. With each object I find,it opensup theflood gate of memories. I can remember when I bought it,where it was from,what I did that day,and see it in it’splace in my apartment. Everyobject holds a story. Since my life has taken a radical turn, these objects afford me the feelings that I imagine a true explorer gets.When my eyes and fingers touch upon an object from my life before themassive stroke, I feel like an Alien discovering something from a past civilization,of a time gone by. This is becausethe situation I’m in now seems so unreal. Although the objects are not foreign to me,in some way they are. Why? Becausebefore I was completely unaware of the reality that I’m enduring now. This hasgiven me the point of view of an outsider. When I’m holdingsomething in my hand(or gaze) I can actually take it in as if it weren’t mine. Leaving me to see it in a new way.Intheway that an explorer might see something and wonder what kind of life it once had. Although I know the life of my own belongings, I miss the girl that bought them. I’ve been in what seems likean alternateuniverse for the past two years. I’ve been working on bringing that girl back from the other universe. I remember everything,but even so I worry I’ll forget. I don’t want to forget what it feels like to be able to walk freely,tie a shoe,run,jump,and generally be able to controlmy body. Those objects remind me of the girl I used to be(physically)and I want Her back. I even think back to how oblivious I was to the struggles I now face(and have) wishing Icould somehow eke out some ofthose feelings back into the present. Howfortunate Iwas to beunaware of the things I know now! Those objects hold this otheruniverse within them. I wonder whatIwould do if I had known then, what I know now. Ah,yes it’s theage old question,and the answer is everything. We takeso much for granted, that it’s so important to live and enjoy life as much as you can.
Photo:2011 Upper East Side Manhattan after working a day at Memorial Sloan Kettering.
Credit:my friend Lesly!
I had dreamed of living in NYC and owning a Vespa since I was 16 years old,when I got both,realizing that, I cried.
As the story goes after 3 years of living in my favorite city I suffered a massive stroke which has sent me packing to recover in Michigan
Fearing I had lost everything,the reason my Vespa became ever more important to me was because it now symbolized dreams reached and possibly my dreams lost….
After a couple of buyers inquired on it because now not being able to ride it and owing more on it than it was worth I needed something I could use.Now the Vespa symbolized NYC,the freedom I had,my hard work&dreams,lots of good memories,and not to mention it is beautiful as seen below ha-ha
So instead since the funds from it were used to buy a new computer,it seems only fitting to in turn use it to further write my story and of course this isn’t goodbye forever just for now.
As the song goes for everything there is a season
I’m just looking forward to my Summer returning and little by little it is !so far one thing that has returned is Blogcademy NYC I missed the class but this weekend I’ll be going to Blogcademy Chicago! AND for free! Because I won a scholarship,so it did return and even better……
There will certainly be more things to come and perhaps even better!