Posts Tagged ‘massive stroke’

The Plight of Angels

“All God’s angels come to us disguised.”  – James Russell Lowell

Love may not be tangible, but the objects that result from it are. I can look around me and see gifts from each person that loves me. They adorn my walls, my desk space, and take up residence in my record cabinet! Each object is a token of love from an irreplaceable human. However, not all of these seemingly  ordinary people  are human, some  of them are angels. Indeed  one of these creatures was actually my nurse while I was sedated in  the ICU. She prayed over me, sang the same songs, and today we share the same understanding.  Much like a palindrome, where there are words hidden within, and it’s understood in both directions, an invisible  river  of a s shared experience runs between us that ties us together. We knew nothing of each other before She  walked into my room, but that didn’t matter to Her, nonetheless She was going to put 200% of Herself into caring for me. Even now, I don’t believe I fully grasp the gravity of my situation in 2012. I have since learned that I was discovered on the floor gasping for breath in agony(a sign of a brain in the process of dying) and needed to be resuscitated. This was the state  from which a team of humans(and  many angels) were tasked  with bringing me back from. I was on the brink of death, and they weren’t going to let me completely fall! During the time that I spent in a coma, I wish I could  recall something, anything. However,  that time instead is one big blank in the  continuum of my timeline. While I lay unaware of my surroundings, the people that were there to observe felt the pain for me. Therefore,   they experienced it just as much(if not more) then I did!    Because of this lapse in consciousness, I’m discovering my own story  as if it is happening for the first time. It’s a rather weird  thing to have had such an earth shattering experience, but not to recall it.  As many of the details that I’ve missed, I certainly have not failed to recognize the key players in my  tale. Although, my story nearly ended in  total tragedy, now that I’m awake(and alive) to take over the narrative you can bet I’ll have a happy ending. Life is what you make of it!

-XOXO BLEU

At your funeral

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people at a funeral

They say such nice things about people at their funerals that it makes me sad that I’m going to miss mine by just a few days.”    -Garrison Keillor.

I’ll admit, I’ve gotten teary eyed at the thought of my own death and imagining my funeral. However, I didn’t consider how the other people would feel at my funeral. Perhaps this was a sign of my selfishness. As people We all fall prey to this  selfish thinking. That is one of the biggest reasons why I don’t bother caring what other people think about me. Because frankly, no one is likely  thinking that much about you except yourself! In opening up to other people more I’m more likely to feel emotion for them,which  naturally leads to a deeper connection. After being seriously hospitalized I no longer had to imagine my funeral, because I narrowly missed it in reality.  This time around in thinking about it  I became teary eyed for other people. This is because not too long ago my Father  gave me a  mental  picture of a moment in time that I was not present for. At the time I was in a coma which effectively blanked out a large portion of(20 days)consciousness. In sharing a personal memory He gave me an inroad to his reality during that time. While I was  in a coma, He played thumb war with my limp right hand. This is significant  because as a child We often played this silly game. All I could think of is how alone in a Hospital room He took my lifeless hand aside and tried  to bring some life back into that same small hand, just as it was when I was completely okay. This brought into reality someone  else at  my funeral. The thought of another person’s heartbreak, brought tears to my eyes and  not just for myself. It pained me to think of my sweet Father watching his  only child dying,and so badly wanting that little girl  of thumb war days back.  Imagine if We were all as receptive to each others feelings?  How then,would the world change? I wouldn’t doubt that such a thing would make World peace and the need for charities disappear. I have also found that the  happier I am in myself and excited about life, I naturally begin to connect with my fellow human beings(or want to for that matter). This is because it has a way of expanding your heart’s boundaries.

Cross your borders!

bleu