Posts Tagged ‘Love’

Mamas Don’t Let Your Babies Grow up to be— Peter Pan??

It’s been called a lot of things, but more recently I heard the tag line, “The Peter Pan Syndrome.” You know…NeverNeverLand, The Lost Boys ( also a great 80’s movie), Pirates and Indians?? Personally I always wanted to live there, when I was younger I used to have a re-occurring dream that I was running down the street trying to take flight with the North Star straight ahead of me but I could never quite get far enough off the ground. Needless to say it was such a let down because I wanted to fly there so bad and not to be Wendy but one of the Lost Boys -to paint my face and howl like a wolf and laugh all day-

So this idea is now being supplanted to describe today’s current 20-somethings, male and female but mostly the males.

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Living in NYC this seems to be an even larger complaint that I have heard from women, that they just cannot find anyone. I’m sure there are many reasons for this (standards, self respect i.e. quit just hooking up idiots if you want QUALITY !!, and I’m sure just plain immature “men”) So how did this whole thing occur? Bad Economy? A generation of children spawned from divorce and/or broken families that set a bad example of how great such things could be?? Frat houses??( lol) Well I found numerous articles, but only one that really put it well and I think without a ton of speculation, just written by some guy that grew up with a strong male figure ( Link Here).

Yes it is so hard to find a good guy.

Yes it seems women’s biological clocks are going crazy and because were hard wired –like birds know when and how to fly south magically– our bodies also know the expiration date for having kids (this I attribute to the fact that nature/the universe/god, whatever you call it, knows how to implement mechanisms to keep a population going and simply pregnancy is too tough/dangerous for a non-youngish women to go thru) and guys are hard wired to be hunters/providers (and if a guy doesn’t feel stable enough to take care of you.. well.. long live the bachelor life I guess?? They are more logic based so obviously its smart to be stable first but we are emotions based so we don’t wanna wait lol)

Were made to work together, its plain as day. If outside circumstances somehow throw this dance out of balance it just makes it harder to choreograph, doesn’t it ?? If women become crazy feminists that slowly wreak havoc on chivalry or the “traditional” roles men used to fill.. Listen I’m all for independence and equal pay but I’m talking about the women that take it so far as to create a massive shift in the male female relations as to create a negative environment, lets face it, not all of you want babies and marriage but I’ll be damned if I haven’t met one women YET who is truly, truly adverse to that, so what better way not to get those things then to be promiscuous and become some sort of man hater, ya that’s gonna get you there..

I actually sat in on a conversation of male co-workers once recounting all the bad experiences they have had with women like this. One in particular commented on how he rushed to open the door for this woman who had her hands full of groceries and bags (therefore no extra hand available to open the door) and she actually yelled at him “I can do it myself!!” She sat down the bags and opened the door, shoved them in with her foot and then picked them back up. He stated that was the last time he would open a door for a lady.

OI VEY. 

All I have to say is if you aren’t true to your hearts desires it creates havoc. Some women were told its weak to want to be a house wife or want house wifey things or let a man help/support them, I call bullshit. Meanwhile I hear career women and non-career types alike with the SAME complaints. Geezus.

Here is a thought: Accept help when its offered if you need it. Stop being permiscuous and actually demand more. Be true to your hearts desires. You can’t do everything, no really, you can’t, its nice to be ambitious and try but its not likely you’ll achieve status of “I am a rock. I am an Island.” (which is also a song btw)

No man is an Island.

As far as the Peter Pans, well, a shitty economy makes for less stability which makes for a slower “I want to settle down” atmosphere. Also since its true many many people had a less then traditional or stable upbringing it does make it difficult for they, themselves to want to take those steps. I get it, I didn’t have a great example of a relationship either but I did learn the things you should do. Were all scared, we don’t want shitty relationships man. Not to mention a study I read about recently that found that in popular media happy marriages are shown scarcely, (obviously girl movies will always be around) but in general television, ads, etc… it doesn’t portray happy healthy families all that much. None of these things exactly help.

I think we all need to grow up in so many ways  that popular culture doesn’t exactly nurture. Women and Men were made to fit together yet it seems to me that a lot of “worldly” (as in fleeting empty things, money-sex-negativity) things in the modern world make that fitting a lot harder to find. I call not for more marriages and babies but for a realization of all people to right the wrongs and be better then our examples, whatever they were (parents, popular media/culture etc) because clearly a lot of people are not happy or fully satisfied. I believe a sense of purpose and stability can actually lead to happiness, and that intimacy (REAL intimacy) in a relationship is worth far more then the 10,15,20,30,40 hot girls or guys you could sleep with (God help you if you reach those numbers..) and so many of us (humans) are selling ourselves short. Please take off the blinders and see the possibilities. I think all people, male or female simply want the things that love and/or family can offer. YEARS of being behind a bar and hearing old men recount their regrets in never marrying the one they should have or could have.. and women dating around losing hope in finding a good man.. its pretty obvious we all need love, so why as a culture do we keep sabotaging it??

A band whose singer I believe is a deep thinker and a good lyricist, that looks up to Bob Dylan (always a good sign of talent lol) penned these lyrics,although repetitive but true..

Blame it on what you’ve been through
Blame it on what you’re into
Blame it on your religions
Blame it on politicians
We’ve been blowing up
We’re the issue
It’s our condition
We’ve been blowing up
We’re the issue
Our detonation
We’ve been blowing up
We’re the issue
We’re ammunition
We’re ammunition
We’re ammunition
We are the fuse and ammunition
I have no generation
Show me my motivation
One world one desperation
One hope and one salvation
Look what a mess we’ve made of love
Look what a mess we’ve made
We’ve got ourselves to blame
Look what a bomb we made of love

Dear Friends, I hope you all find your loves. We deserve so much more then what we are offered by this world, so take it back and make it better.

Cheers!

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P.s. I know that I may get a lot of responses from those of you that have differing opinions about this or plain just don’t agree, while I appreciate and want to hear from you, all I ask is that we all keep it a respectful and productive discussion. I want to hear your thoughts, lets bounce our ideas around.

Okcupid, your pretty Okstupid.

Online Dating… ah yes… formerly reserved to Craigslist creeps and sad desperate souls… fast forward to the new millennium in NYC and it’s nearly the only way to meet people, as a friend of mine said “It’s the wave of the future.” Is it?? I avoided and refused to do it for so long convinced it was pathetic.. and in a city of millions how the F&*$ can you have a hard time meeting people?!?! Well… you can… in fact in a romantic sense its damn near impossible here. Why? Well most people here are following a dream or career goal, are already involved, or since the singles scene is dominated by many 20 somethings to early 30’s and there are plenty of fish abound.. rarely if ever do people stick around. Especially (let’s face it) testosterone filled dudes in a sea of women, why stop with one?? At least this seems to be the case, many if not all of my single friends and random girls I meet complain of this exact problem… so after much consideration last year I gave in and joined Okcupid.

I gotta say maybe since it was free I got a slew of ridiculous messages but also had fun with it too, I actually did go on a few dates which was all new to me (see also: I hated the idea of dating and successfully avoided it for nearly my entire life) and lo and behold I did meet someone.(Impossible! you say) I have long since disabled and then deleted my account, although the messages you get can be pretty damn amusing (perhaps a social experiment should be done) you also get a lot of junk mail, not to mention I have since decided although entertaining and even though I did meet someone…I will never online date again… not that I had a bad experience but it really is kind of ridiculous and 99% of the time ( I do hope you are in the 1% though !) you just won’t find quality… especially if it’s a free site, maybe people on the paid ones are more serious..? Who knows…Overall I really believe even if it seems hopeless and your too busy to “look”, if its meant to happen it will happen, and while online dating can be fun if you are looking to be serious, well, best of luck with that hunt….I still like the old fashioned way and the element of serendipity best. I wanted to share a link of a fellow blogger who posted about her experience and its pretty damn funny and entirely true. READ ! 

Now to bring this round’ to my second point: You actually meet someone online dating.. (Holy Smokes Batman!!) When is it appropriate to declare to the rest of the online dating world your taken? When do you delete or disable your profile?

…Hmmmm… well personally the minute I was feeling more I got rid of mine, also just like facebook and myspace (where you experience the “Why am I not in your Top 8??” drama, online can create real life problems as it sometimes is a reflection, but sometimes it’s not..) Did you know I googled these questions and there are threads upon threads and even forums, YES! Forums! with slews of girls (and some guys) discussing this very thing… after reading way too many of them, it seems that the majority of you out there in cyber space agree once exclusive and after a few months of dating it is more than reasonable to delete/change status blah blah blah and no matter how many funny quiz’s or tests you like to take, (see also: excuses excuses) a dating site is not a facebook or any other social networking site, it’s a DATING site, duh. There is no excuse. Another opinion was to just get over it and having one up means nothing, actions speak louder than words after all.. but isn’t keeping it and especially logging in still an ACTION!?!?

It’s reasonable to be bothered by it, whether it’s an insecurity issue, a respect issue, a sign that your just not the one to said non-deleter of dating profile, they forgot about it, etc etc.. who knows. It could be any of these things..Personally it was a huge problem for me, to me it just seemed a given to get rid of it and I was highly upset by the presence of it.. to me its weird to keep one active/still log in if your involved, I mean.. why??? It’s a big WTF dude and I think if you ever find yourself in a similar situation its ok to ask to take it down when things have gotten to another level, if said person doesn’t even after your obvious problem with it… well that is not okay and excuses of “I hardly ever log in, I use it for the quizzes, I keep in touch with people, blah blah blah..” BULLSHIT. If your feelings are remotely important they will not hesitate or have a problem complying with your request, even if its crazy lol I think for some people it’s an issue of control or the idea of having it there is like a subconscious plan B and makes them feel better ?? I don’t know.  Has anyone had any online dating experiences they’d like to share?? I’d love to hear some! Also opinions and thoughts are always welcomed and appreciated!

Cheers and cyber hearts <3 !

P.S. 

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p_HQqHLdjvQ%5D

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