Posts Tagged ‘Love’

Impact

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“You can’t get rid of fear, it’s like  Mother Nature.You can’t beat it or outrun it, but you can get through it, and find out what you’re made of.”  – the good dinosaur(Pixar)

Whether your influence is of the dark or of the light, both really matter. Because like  in bumper cars, sometimes life hits us  and  we get  sent in all sorts of directions, but after the initial impact we can usually choose in which direction we’re  going to go. We all deal with things differently, and over time like butterflies, we experience a metamorphosis. Where one person can turn  a bad circumstance into good, others mistakenly follow or choose  a darker path. The world expertly presents us with things that are  “good,”  but are  actually cloaked in darkness. For example, all that yummy processed food that will eventually kill you, or the allure of tarot cards and the occult.This was pointed out to me in a dream recently.  No matter what  your trial  is you have a choice in how to deal with it. Oftentimes our trials  change  us,  like water running over rocks and changing their shapes and textures. Not only do trials and time change us, but they also show us what we’re made of.  Some of us will be pleasantly surprised by our resilience, while others bitterly disappointed by our brokenness. The fact is, we all have the potential to be either built up or broken down. That’s why it’s so important to choose the paths that lead you into  the light of happiness, faith, love, and hope. Rather than  the darkness of negativity,hopelessness, and depression.  Whatever your going through there are many positive resources available to you, you just have to do some foot work! Not only that, but pay attention to and remind yourself of all the things that  give life beauty. Whether it be in nature or in human kindness(like the video below )

Florence and the Machine sing to and for a young girl with cancer in Her hospital room that couldn’t attend  their concert.

[youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Uzw7MOBS9lg&w=560&h=315%5D

if you  slow down and look  closer you will find it. I promise you it’s there.

cheers + love + hope!

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Audiophile

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“Where words fail, music speaks.” -Hans Christian Andersen

Music has been my constant companion. It was with me all throughout high school shaping my social life, and it wafted  through my room the entire time I lay in a coma. I have played inside of a sonic landscape since before I was born; dancing to  songs with my Mother while  still inside Her tummy. For the record, my “first dance,” was P.Y.T by  Michael Jackson.  Since then my feet have found the ground and I continue to dance.  I’ve danced through most of school, my family life, and even now during recovery. Without dancing, all these years I’d have just been standing still, stagnant. However, those little black notes have pushed me through to victory after victory. A sure  outward sign that I was improving  was when I started being interested in music again. It  has been entwined  with the neurons in my brain; each song sparking a vivid memory, an imagined music video sequence, or feelings  of elation.  Music has not only influenced my life so much as it has dictated it.  Friends came and went by route of the current albums I was into.  We found  our identities and a common ground contained  within flat round compact discs, or  vinyl if you were “really cool.” Even when there was a  question concerning  the integrity  of my memory  after a severe stroke, I still remembered  everyone’s faces and all my favorite  musical artists. The power of music runs deep my friend. There remains few people that can put into words exactly what music communicates. That’s exactly why our souls need it; Because, it communicates what mere words cannot.  Indeed as an adolescent I held to the belief that a particularly well homemade mix tape could cause you to fall in love with someone, the music you enjoyed said almost more about you then the way you dressed, and to die and become a music note would be of the utmost honor. Because, if your spirit could inhabit the form of a music note, you’d touch people’s lives and live on in beautiful symphonies forever.  Not to mention, once you fall in love with rock n’ roll, it’s difficult to find other people that share your enthusiasm. However, when you do, you know you’ve got an instant friend and you’re  held  together by the invisible threads of  sound.  Therefore, don’t discount its power, and keep on singing even when it rains. Especially when life gets difficult if you continue to sing, those invisible threads will pull you through.

I leave you with a song, enjoy!

[youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pTOC_q0NLTk&w=560&h=315%5D

sing it out!

bleu

Human Angels

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“Reputation is what men and women think of us; character is what God and angels know of us.” -Thomas Paine.

I came into his  Emergency Department unresponsive on  a gurney. This man had never seen me before and  We had never spoken. Yet, even  so He took it upon  himself, bound and determined to save my life. The life of a person that had never included  him  until it nearly slipped away. I’m not sure why I was so   blessed to have been chosen as   a  special  case   for him, but I was and I’m sure that I’m alive to write this today  because of  that.  Not too long ago this very man passed away from this world into  the next. It was a loss not only for his family, but for everyone. Because, that day the world lost a unique and special soul. For me, I lost  a guardian angel. Who knows why certain people come in and out of our lives? However, in  special cases not all of them are merely human. Without even knowing it, your  life’s path may very well  come across  an angels. It’s difficult to convey in words how much of an impact a man I didn’t really know had in my life. The fact that a near perfect stranger rushed to my hospital bedside at all hours of the night to rescue me was surely an act of love. No ordinary(and naturally selfish) person would do that. Upon  learning of his passing it was incredible to take into account the impact that this individual had, had  on my life and so many others. It would be a  crime to waste the incredible gift that He had given me.  This triple board certified physician specialist(in ICU and stroke) possessed a brilliant mind, big heart, and a pair of talented hands. The first(and only) time I met him  after the stroke, my Mother observed him quietly staring at me for several minutes while I talked to other hospital employees. We both wonder what He must’ve been thinking. Surely, still working out  solutions for his “ special case,” even then.  Even though our second trip to see him again did not come to pass, his prediction did. “ The next time I see  you, you’ll be walking.”  Indeed I am not only  now  walking  but the next time I see him I’ll be running! In this journey through life none of  us complete it entirely on our own.  As if it were an  iditarod(see here) there is always someone  special that appears and helps you on the way to the finish line.  For me, during the long and  difficult race, I had a  very capable and giant helping hand in   Doctor Devasenapathy, or better known as   “ Dr. D.”     He  not only helped me to complete the race, but to  stay in the race at all. Therefore,  show kindness and love to your fellow man, because you never know when you might be entertaining an angel.

walk in love!

bleu

 

Damsel

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“Victory at all costs, victory in spite of all terror, victory however long and hard the road may be; for without victory, there is no survival.” -Winston Churchill

Perhaps you’re afraid of commitment, a strong independent  Woman, or claustrophobic. Therefore, you  likely  dislike and understand feeling tied down. Everyone wants to feel free to do what they want to do. However, there are things in life that can restrict us, and understandably so, we really hate that. Anything that serves to hold you back, hold you up, or hold you  down must go! We forget that these things aren’t always physical, but many are emotional too. If you cannot at least rid yourself of the physical circumstances, the good news is that the emotional ones you can. After all, give anything time and work on it with determination, perseverance,  with grit, and it will change. For a time in my case it was the ball and chain of medications. I  left the hospital with a tray full of nearly  ten(10!) different daily medications, a feeding tube, a daily shot, and confined to a home hospital bed. That was three years ago(2013)and what do I have now?  Well, only two(2!) daily medications, no feeding tube, and a supremely comfortable new queen bed. You see? Give it time. Granted, my family and I worked very hard to get here. Even in those times of feeling defeated or utterly disdainful, I can proudly say I  always got my butt out of bed to face the day.  Why? Because like certain foods, you eat it anyway  because it’s good for you.This is telling of the fact that you just need to face  life  no matter how scary it becomes. Because, like a taunting grade school bully, if you stand up to it, it will back down into a more manageable situation. At one time I needed medication to keep me sane, yet  more recently said medication is no longer needed. It’s been kicked to the curb. You can do this  too, no little  pill  can “fix,” your problems as well as you can by changing your way of thinking.  Perhaps, you’ll surprise yourself in finding that life gets ever better when you jump at it, rather then shrink away. If you need any reassurance of that, just ask the girl  who  was at once downtrodden but now  finds victory in everyday living. Because, simply having the privilege to live  out each day is a victory.

[vimeo 145898953 w=640 h=360]

true grit!

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Through the Looking Glass

“ ‘Closed timelike curve’ is the jargon for time travel. It means you go out, come back and meet yourself in the past.”-Kip Thorne.

As I stood at the gates next to my Father  I could nearly grasp those lost childhood years. The now abandoned  park that I gazed into was once teeming with  activity. However, now it stands a silent and still monument to  an era of magic.  Originally built in 1963 and closed down in 1999,  The Prehistoric Forest (or “Dinosaur Land”)encapsulated a few years of my life within it.While I  gazed into the park with a myriad  number of mixed emotions welling up inside me; I  imagined as I shrunk back into a child the park grew up  full life again. There exists throughout time and space pieces of us and our hearts wherever we’ve passed. In this case a road side attraction had  pieces of my beloved childhood memories within it. Beyond the fence  meant to keep me out, lay 8 acres of overgrown trails, random dinosaur(some broken)sculptures, and  a precious piece of me. It nearly felt as if  there was an invisible wall and  I could walk through into  my memory. So badly did I desire to relive that period, but alas time marches on with or without us. What it does leave behind for us are the memories. Even though I couldn’t physically  be back inside of that memory,  I was surrounded by the ghosts of it. I found it funny that present day I was standing in front of this park with the very people who lived in that memory with me, my Mom and Dad. Nothing will make you  cherish your life more then standing in front of the ruins of it, from a marvelous  period gone by. I could see a little me excitedly grabbing my Dad’s hand and crunching across the gravel to the now empty souvenir shop. “I want the  neon triceritops stuffed animal Dad!”  Although this place was fading away as each page of time was turned, it remained as vivid as ever within my memories. My Parents are  getting older and showing signs of wear, but here, in my memory they are always young. Never had inanimate objects made me consider my mortality more. I thought of all those moments that seem to go by unnoticed while they’re happening, but later become wholly significant. Because even as your living it that time  will hold great value in the future. Therefore, take lots of pictures, slow down, and tell the people whom deserve it that you love them every chance you get. To  learn and see more about my memory, click here!

Cheers!

bleu

Whoa oh, ho, it's Monday!

*blogged after a lazy Saturday and a grilled hamburger*
Yet again it’s Monday you know. Perhaps it’s not exactly magic to you  but it  certainly  can be! Therefore, to help ease you into this week here’s a list of  seven things that should be on your radar, one for each day!
1)Broadway Plays!
 
 

My oh my, are good plays overly expensive. However, sometimes it’s totally worth it. I was having a major hankering for some artistic fulfillment so I  made the splurge this time. It’s even better when you can share it with  someone you love. Therefore, I’m also taking a lovely little cousin to Her first play. You can never start em’ too young. Not to mention it’s   the best way to spend two hours of your life, rather then on Facebook people.
 
 
2) The Henry Norman  Hotel Greenpoint, Brooklyn.

This place puts the H in hip, with it’s amazing location and loft style living rooms. They have a curated mini bar full of locally produced goods, and some stellar doormen  that make you feel fancy. Not to mention the  sleek  cars they will freely chauffeur you in around Brooklyn. I can’t say enough lovely things about how great this place is. So, if your holiday destination is in New York  City,  stay here and live like a local not a tourist!
 
3) Hard Root Beer
 

Pictured: Not your Father’s  hard root beer, and Coney Island hard root beer. I have not been into anything with the label hard on it since sneaking ” beverages,” into  my underage slumber parties. I also, didn’t realize that root beer, which is already good  could be greatly improved upon with the addition of alcohol and a nifty label.
4) Pleasant Ebay Transactions – the money and the people who part with it-
It’s not often you have sweet interactions with complete strangers on the internet(unless you’re being a creeper) usually  never making face to face contact with someone is  impersonal, but sometimes you get surprised. I’ve been  a highly rated seller(bragging rights) on Ebay for quite sometime and I still get surprised. To  give you an idea, here are some of my favorites. Recently a  Husband purchased an anniversary  gift for his Wife from me, and We discussed when to ship it so it could be  a surprise for Her. Another,  was  with a kind young Lady that was enthusiastic and interested in my item, and as a follow up happily let me know how much She liked it upon receipt. You just don’t get those kinds of interactions  everyday as a seller, and I love when I do!
5) Coffee Wars!?
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For a time I  boycotted the billionaire beans peddler Starbucks in favor of local small  coffee shops. Many of us already know it’s over rated but even so, I still get surprised when I find good coffee for under  $3.00.  One such case recently was our Canadian friends Tim Horton’s. Even though I’ve consumed enough Starbucks to be a card carrying gold member(oh how I’ve turned from my ways!) I still try to support smaller businesses as much as possible. Besides, I’m only a gold member for the benefits!
6) Childhood Memories
Many of you have positive memories of your youth(I hope) but nothing  tears at your emotions quite like visiting places  from your younger self. Recently I had the pleasure(and displeasure) of standing mere feet away from my favorite childhood destination, the prehistoric forest. As I imagined myself getting smaller  I could see the now abandoned(tears) park coming back to life. This was the place that held so many childhood memories for me, and all I wanted to do was go back!
7) Mother’s Day everyday
If you’re in the U.S, I presume that since yesterday you have hugged, kissed, and even given your Mommy a present.  It’s probably good for your bank account this doesn’t happen everyday. However, your Mother  is still your Mom everyday! Therefore, if you can’t afford to buy Her things all the time, at least show some appreciation kids.
Last but not least, the drink! A chocolate margarita, find the recipe here.
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Cheers!
bleu

The Feels

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Love and compassion are necessities, not luxuries. Without them humanity cannot survive. -Dalai Lama

How much better could we understand each other, if we were able  to actually inhabit each other’s bodies? Like some version of the movie Freaky Friday.  I certainly know that I wished someone could inhabit my body(other than me) so they  could better understand my point of view. However, there is the ability of empathy , but even that wasn’t enough for me or others  that are in a crazy situation. Mere words were not enough, I wanted an absolute understanding and connection with someone. The support group I had gone to before,  I left because it was too negative and seemingly a group of people sitting around griping and being sad.  More recently I actually  revisited the group and found it to be better. Although, there was an overwhelming sentiment of people just wanting a relationship. Some had even never really had a romantic relationship. Whether romantic or not, it seems that  well and  “sick,” people are looking for a real connection. Why is that?  Even in an age that is so well connected.What makes it so difficult to connect with another human? Have we built up our walls of protection to be  too resilient? Is it a lack of empathy?  Perhaps it’s a mix of both. Whatever the reason, it’s clear that we need to be connecting to more than just the internet. Except for anyone in an isolated circumstance, the internet  becomes the connection. When you can’t really leave your house and your social life is  hanging on by a thread, the internet offers some much needed  socialization. Personally, I’m very social and I like talking to people so this was crucial for me. However, what about those who only see a caregiver and don’t really use the computer!?  I have often asked the Woman that comes over to help me, how much She knows about the other people She  works for. Of course, this is not done only to be nosy on my part. Knowing that some of those people likely desperately need  a social life, why not  help provide them with  that?  Sadly, not everyone realizes how important that is until it happens to them. Again,  where is that  body switching machine!? We really do need more understanding among us. Since this occurred to me I have become so much more aware of  the spirits inside of  some people. The World may see a smelly, street person, but I see   the person inside who really just needs  some compassion and acknowledgement. You don’t have to be religious, a guru, or “new age,” to  see someones  true spirit. You just need to pay attention in those places that the rest of the world(or those around you) ignore.

pay attention,

bleu

Staring Contest

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Never be bullied into silence. Never allow yourself to be made a victim. Accept no one’s definition of your life, but define yourself.”
– Harvey Fierstein.

How often  do you feel the unexpected gaze or stare of  a stranger? Well, I do quite  a bit. So much in fact that my usually non-violent  cute little cousin spouted off frustrated comments about one such incident. I believe the statement, “ I would kick Her in Her big dumb face,” was  actually used. As mean as that sounds it was very sweet because She was upset about the gawking of one particular Woman. I, on the other hand didn’t even notice it. I’m sure people wonder what in the  heck  happened to me, which is fine. It took a good while to feel okay about going out into public after the hospital due to the potential(and  actual) gawking. However,  I was told to hold my head high no matter what, and haven’t looked back since. Whether you feel particularly good  or awfully different that makes no difference. Because, either way you should carry yourself with esteem.  Your story is unknown to a stranger and certainly not their story.This is where unknowingly the Ray Bans tagline of “Never Hide,” is actually brilliant. At some point I decided people were staring because I’m so damn pretty, so there. This allowed any rude gawkers or gawking to quickly fade to black in  my  grand play of life. Understandably, my cousin is thirteen years old and has yet to learn this. Yet, people of every age could benefit from such an attitude! You don’t have to resemble a piece of beef jerky and wear stretch band waisted pants, and “special shoes,” before you stop caring what other people think. You can start doing that  right now and it is  freedom!    Just imagine it like when kids   pick their noses in public, “ We just don’t care people.” To  have that feeling  of freedom is pretty awesome. It means you can focus more on the important things and less on other people. Because, it is extremely likely the rest of the population is far too self absorbed to pay so much attention to you anyway. In those odd moments when they do, whether it’s for something spectacular(I do have Prada on, thanks!) Or  something a bit embarrassing, it’s totally okay just breathe and move on. Granted, we’d rather be thought of as mostly spectacular the latter happens sometimes too. It is in those moments, whether occasionally or perpetual, we learn to just get back up. Besides, what  somebody else eats does not give you a stomach ache unless you let it.  Therefore, focus on what’s on your own plate. This isn’t to say you should be self absorbed,  certainly not. Except, that sometimes what’s on your plate is more important than what they have on theirs. After all, they’re not living your life for you that’s  in your hands.

go pick your nose!

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Count the missing

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This is not about making sure all the school kids are back on the bus after a field trip. Rather it’s about focusing on what you don’t have and making that a  positive. Sometimes, depending on your circumstances  those things can be  extreme, but relevant nonetheless. If you pay attention to all the drug advertisements on television that alone should comfort you. Because, if you listen  carefully they’re  aimed at a lot of people that are less fortunate  than you. The hundreds if not thousands of people that have things like hepatitis C, lung disease, multiple sclerosis, crohn’s disease, chronic arthritis, pulmonary edema, and a lot of things that you can barely pronounce! All of them are bad, and guess  what?  Count yourself lucky if you don’t have  any of those things, because many people do; otherwise mass pharmaceuticals wouldn’t target them. All too often we focus on the inconsequential things that we lack. What  you don’t realize is, that there are many things that you’re lucky  not to have!   The world worships and lusts for the material, ignoring the fact that  those things are actually immaterial. In some way(even small) you must find comfort in the fact that you are free of disease, have all  your limbs, your sight, and most of  if not all of your mental faculties. Those things  are a blessing to me because, according to some doctors I stood to lose my mental faculties in some part, endure chronic pain, lose the ability to walk(but have my legs)  and lack creative ability. However, I am very much creative, walking, pain free, and as intelligent as ever, imagine that. I  can hardly comprehend how fortunate I am, and  likely neither can you. We are so unaware of our inherent privileges because we’ve always had them. My exposure to years of rehabilitation therapy has  not only shown me what I don’t have(or need to work on) but it has  also  highlighted what I  do have. While lamenting  the lack of use of my left hand(for now!)  while at therapy, I saw a girl who didn’t have a hand at all.  While some may rate my health as worse because of what happened to me, I feel quite the contrary.  Never, have I been as healthy, health conscious, or enjoyed working out so much! Had I  known before the accident what I know now, you’d never be able to get me away from the gym. Our bodies are  miraculous creations, and they can be pushed to new heights with our determination. Of course, it takes work and dedication, but it’s more than worth it. When you take care of your body well it will take care of you in ways you didn’t  imagine. We should love and show love to our bodies no matter  what the size. After this happened to me and I lost so much physical ability for a time, it  created a deep appreciation  within me for the things I   can(and am still able) to do. To neglect my body and it’s physical abilities would be a high crime. Therefore, everyday you wake up full and healthy don’t dare waste a minute of it! This life is a gift.

 walk in love,

bleu

Crooked

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Even crooked trees grow up to be as strong and mighty as the straight ones.

We’ve all felt like the crooked tree in the forest at one point or another, not quite fitting in.

I used to  wonder how will I (a self professed crooked tree) be remembered?  At some point or  another we all question how others will  remember us after we pass on. Well, I got to find out, except I’m still living. After I nearly died  and  throughout my  miraculous recovery from it, I’ve heard the memories and impressions that people had of me.  It’s been a mixture of surprise and  incredibly surreal. However, it also bears the marks of sadness because  as much as I’d like to I cannot revisit and relive the past. Therefore, I  also can’t go back and change it, but I can change the future. Although, none of us truly have control we do have the power to make choices. In fact we make thousands each day(knowingly and unknowingly) however small they may seem. This begs the question “How would you like to be remembered?” For being strong, tenacious, brilliant, ambitious, or kind? Rather than  unkind, lazy, or at a stand still in life I’m sure. I’ve been more than surprised(and blessed) to hear that the last memories of me would’ve been greatly positive. This confirms that I’ve had a great life and left the kind of mark on it I want to thus far(and I’m not finished! You too can leave the marks you desire, and there’s no time like the present in which to start. Sometimes, life can be daunting and it seems better to take the path of least resistance, but I promise there’s more rewards  to be had from the  path less traveled. You can start today planting seeds for the future(whether straight or crooked) that will grow into trees looming in a forest comprising the memories of you.  There are hardly words to describe how truly wild life can be. Since this whole event occurred to me(ie  the massive stroke)  hardly a day has gone by where I’m not in awe of the things that I’ve seen since. Just as a huge wave of love, and the best came out of New Yorkers after 9/11; I have witnessed much of the same from people after my own disaster. This has left me a better person and  with the conviction, that it shouldn’t require a disaster to bring out the best in us. We can  choose   to be our best selves everyday.

grow in excellence trees!

bleu

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