Posts Tagged ‘loss’

20 Days.

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“It’s so fine and yet so terrible to stand in front of a blank canvas.”- Paul Cezanne.

It only took twenty days to upend twenty eight years of progress, now at the age of an adult I was starting over like a child. After waking from the coma(all twenty days of it) and being cleared for  a med flight to a rehabilitation hospital I had arrived. Not only was I physically back in the same location I had started from before I moved(to New York) but also mentally starting over. With no job, apartment, car, or social life, I was left with only one thing… rehabilitation. I found myself  so far down in the depths of life I had nowhere to go but up!  My view from the bottom was one of complete hopelessness and  loss. However, once I was farther along in my physical recovery(walking, eating, and communication skills) I began to see some light, and the burdens of the hospital were no more. I still had(and have) a mountain to climb but it’s much easier with the right tools and attitude. Once I began to shed the weight of piles of pills, a feeding tube, and the discomfort of a hospital bed I was free to breathe again. I quickly came to the realization that material belongings are meaningless, you  reap what you sow, and that life is but a blur. Once I regained my determination and strength, it was clear what I had to do. It may have taken but a moment to tear down the life I had built, but now I had a chance to repair it and even better this time! One can only be so lucky(or unlucky if you will. Now,  instead of hanging out  in my New York City apartment on a week day night after work, sometimes I hang out with people at a brain injury support group. Is it somewhere I ever expected to be? No, but I can still see the beauty in it. I have enjoyed having conversations with people that are usually invisible in mainstream society and very likely by me too prior to the stroke. Except that I now I see them.  It’s not a place I ever wanted(or expected) to be, but I’m going to make the best of it. Because rather then dwell on the past or get stuck, sometimes we just need to tell ourselves “Let’s just get on with it!”   Do I suppose I am an injured little bird stuck in  my circumstances? No, because in making the decision to get on with it I have found the hope  to fly again.

unclip your wings,

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Throwing the book at The Notebook.

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I think Ryan Gosling is  swoon worthy,you may think He is swoon  worthy,all the  teary eyed girlies at  The Notebook  think Ryan Gosling is swoon worthy……

BUT

We also agree that  He sadly plays a fictional character,while this  fictional  romance is something We would all love,a devoted,playful.sweet love by our side,the truth is that sadly real Noah’s are few and far between beyond the movie screen,in reality you will be letdown,you will be disappointed,you will be left…..

The good news?

This will not only enable you to learn about yourself more but also force you to pull up your boot straps,grow stronger  and  chalk it up to the saying

: If he won’t fight for you he isn’t right for you.

Because  in the end as pessimistic as that  is,sometimes you have to fight for yourself because if the person you love can’t see your value then perhaps you   should let your  value of them depreciate,while yours increases!?there are too many mirrors in the world for you to miss the view of your own lovely reflection,if you have been  wounded…… more good news! wounds heal,just like hair grows back after a bad haircut, just give it time.

When I have been the unlucky recipient of the title     “Dumpee I mope for a considerable amount of time,sure but I also try to shift focus and sometimes even do things  I don’t want to because it helps to  shift head space,it also doesn’t hurt to have some good friends to be with….

If all else fails:

Unknown                       To be clear  I don’t condone revenge on an ex! Besides “What goes around comes around,I tend to subscribe  to whatever Justin Timberlake sings about….

Eventually after the pain dulls and the sun shines in your life again(hopefully sooner than later!)

You’ll find it warming your heart too      and when that  light fills you up it has nowhere else to go but out of your eyes and maybe even in the direction of a cute new Ryan Gosling look-a- like!?

 

In conclusion you may whether you want to or not get pretty comfortable  with yourself and may even think of your ex: “Thanks for loosing me from that ball&chain,your loss!

As a pin read that  I bought once  from an old dirty biker(,and warranted many unwanted pickups from gas station attendants):

Single&Ready To Mingle. enjoy the good times those moments are for you,

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