One belongs to New York instantly, one belongs to it as much in five minutes as in five years.” -Tom Wolfe.
Most of the time, we can control what drops into our subconscious at night, no more than we can control the
Shoot for the moon!
-XO- BLEU
“Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today, and creates a vision for tomorrow.” – Melody Beattie.
As seen through the lens of a near death experience, you have no real problems. Paralysis? That’s a problem. Being stuck in a wheelchair for awhile(permanently for some) that’s a problem. These are just a couple of the problems I had after the stroke, and although the wheelchair is a thing of the past(see here) I still have many mountains to climb as I move forward in my recovery. Most of these mountains are things people take for granted. Like, gainful employment, driving, and generally living an independent lifestyle. If anything, that was my modus operandi before the stroke. I’ve always been and am fiercely independent and some would say stubborn. However, like everyone else I took my independent existence for granted. Imagine losing your lucrative job, nice NY apartment, a significant other, and waking up incapacitated in a hospital in one fell swoop? That is the reality(or more like un-reality) I woke up to in 2013.Many miles away from where I had built my home. As I grappled with my daunting circumstance, I often asked my distraught Parents to take me back to my apartment in NewYork. However, that was not to happen because I didn’t yet fully comprehend what had happened to me. Fast forward to 2018… Today, I stand here having completed years of therapy and hitting some pretty big milestones. After climbing all those mountains, taking things for granted has generally been beaten out of me. In light of what could(and what did) happen, I have no problems. I had money in the bank, great health, and love before the stroke.Yet I still have them after! Although, maybe not in the capacity that I would like. Regardless I have them. Thus, I am working away like a little construction worker rebuilding my life after pouring the foundation of regaining basic skills. I have had to get back to eating solid foods, re-learn how to walk and work on social skills in order to function normally again. Although, it’s still a work in progress, aren’t we all? I figure, as long as you’re still alive you have a reason and a purpose to be here. Therefore march on brave soldiers!
“Take a leap of faith and begin this wondrous new year by believing. Believe in yourself. And believe that there is a loving Source – a Sower of Dreams – just waiting to be asked to help you make your dreams come true.” -Sarah Ban Breathnach.
As with every new year we get a clean hopeful slate on which to scribble our aspirations on. Many resolutions are made, but notoriously not kept. They begin with a vigor only to be abandoned half way or later on. Why? Do we have short attention spans, lose focus, get tired easily, or just make goals up for fun? It’s likely a small amount of all of those but mainly what we choose to focus on. Are we keeping our eye continually on the prize and remaining positive or letting fear and doubt creep in on us? Many times in the pursuit of happiness we need to build a defense wall up against fear and doubt. This New Year began with me down in the trenches and feeling hopelessly sad. However, as the new days of January began to pour in, I shifted my focus and the gloom lifted. I had to consciously choose to look at the bright side of the coming year. Even in the little things like a great upcoming film, phone upgrade(I love new gadgets), or paying down my debts. Those are all good things to look forward to and helped nudge that gloom on it’s way right out of the door. Today, I am hopeful about the future because I’m only seeing the good things. I have eliminated watching reading or listening to negative content. Cutting out as much negative(or dark) noise from your reality is crucial. Just like advertising can subconsciously and subtly have an effect on you, so can the negative influences in the world around us. Therefore, keep it light! You may have to cut out a show or certain music, but the resulting clearing of air and your mind is well worth it. The effects of being choosey about what you let in are huge. Don’t accept those negative things(or thoughts) through the gates of your mind. Be a vigilante! Stop those thoughts from entering before they even begin. Better yet, negate those negative thoughts and give them a dose of their own medicine. When you hear a voice that whispers things like “Your never going to get there.” or “ It’s not going to happen.” and “Why even bother?” Declare out loud the opposite of those statements. After all, even Michelangelo’s masterpiece the David; was formed by diligently chipping away at a massive block of marble. Not to mention, marble is one of the hardest rocks out there. Dare I say it’s difficult just as your circumstances or goals may be. Except, Michelangelo persevered and look what He accomplished? A timeless and breath taking masterpiece! In the same way make your life a David.
keep chipping away!
“Who are we but the stories we tell ourselves, about ourselves, and believe?”
― Scott Turow, Ordinary Heroes.
Stories of triumph, stories of success, and stories of dreams coming true. These are the kinds of tales that keep us alive and keep us going. For me, these stories were a life boat in the middle of a dark and stormy ocean. The stories you and I tell ourselves make a tremendous impact on how we feel and in which direction we go. The difference between a good story and a bad one can put into motion either success or failure When every avenue seemed bleak, I could always pull positive stories from my memory library to serve as an escape. My current life circumstances(post stroke) were a sinking ship of titanic proportions. However, reaching back into my memory banks, I could pull a story from a happier time. Without these invisible books I was headed for the bottom gasping for air, another casualty of life’s bad circumstances. While these books seem imaginary, the life lines they offer are very real. These stories told me I could accomplish my dreams as I had before, that the impossible was possible(as possible is part of the word itself) and gave me a reason to get up in the morning rather then languish in bed. A good story will motivate you and give you confidence, while a bad one will take away all of your hope. Do you suppose that the legends of our time told themselves stories of failure? I’m certain it was just the opposite! I posit they reassured themselves that their mountains could be conquered. In this way we need to do the same thing. Whatever your goal, tell yourself that you can and then pull examples of all your past successes. The longer you ruminate on past or current(perceived or real) failures, the longer you’ll remain in unwanted circumstances. By dwelling you effectively anchor yourself in shallow waters. Therefore, use positive stories to put the wind in your sails and venture to deeper waters. It is there you’ll find more to explore and myriad possibilities. Furthermore, surround yourself with people that add to the positive stories rather than help anchor you in shallow waters.
row, row, row your boat,
“I have found adventure in flying, in world travel, in business, and even close at hand… Adventure is a state of mind – and spirit.”- Jacqueline Cochran
We all want control and have visions of what our future will hold. However, usually while we’re making plans life just happens. In these “derailments,” we find things we didn’t know were there. Such as strength, love, purpose, dreams, and new goals. Whatever your vision is, with perseverance, hope,faith and determination that life is definitely possible! Sometimes we fly above these visions to revisit what we thought our life would be, before coming back down to earth to what our lives actually are. When we’re looking down from above time will reveal it’s perfect timing in our life’s narrative. While some realities seem better than others, none are completely perfect. After all life really is what you make of it. We feel as if we let go of the steering wheel that we’ll crash;but sometimes the opposite is true. Oddly enough, it is when we let go that we’ll find ourselves going in exactly the right direction. While life can certainly be a cruel mistress, She also has the capacity for grace. A grace that lends itself when you feel undeserving, a grace that finds you in your most trying times, and a grace that never ceases to surprise you. In these surprises you may come to find that the fork in the road was a detour you needed to take, before reaching the final destination. I’d like to believe that my own detour of a massive stroke not only nearly killed me, but also gave me life. Because without it, I would not have discovered my true strength, seen the beauty of true love, and even more so learned what having faith can accomplish.
fly above and not below!
“You will not be punished for your anger, you will be punished by your anger.”
-unknown.
Why me!? Well, why not me? This is the question and answer many give themselves, who have suffered a catastrophic event or injury. It’s undoubtedly understandable to be angry in such bad circumstances. However, it’s not always helpful or healing. While anger can help you break out of something(depression)or help you overcome it,it can also hold you back. Anger can anchor you in the past, or create unrest in your heart and mind. What you believe in is very powerful and will dictate the direction in which your life goes. Therefore, play the right mental movies for yourself. Films that portray you as the victor, times of happiness, and positive plot lines. These mental movies can stir up courage, hope, and strength or place fear and doubt in your heart. When the movies that you play yourself are the opposite of fear and doubt, it opens the door for peace to enter your mind and heart. “A peaceful heart leads to a healthy body”(Prov. 14:30nlt). If you find yourself in a hospital bed don’t take the situation lying down. Instead, screen films in your mental movie theatre of improving health, happy moments, and the day of your eventual discharge. Also, when dealing with a sickness be careful not to get anchored in the past for too long. Instead, keep your thoughts positive, the movies victorious, and your eyes forward. Your dreams can and will become a reality with a positive, and strong attitude. Not to mention, dreams don’t have to remain in the thought realm, dreams and life are meant to be experienced!
cheers and onward!
Recently I sold my beloved Vespa…(see below)
Photo:2011 Upper East Side Manhattan after working a day at Memorial Sloan Kettering.
Credit:my friend Lesly!
I had dreamed of living in NYC and owning a Vespa since I was 16 years old,when I got both,realizing that, I cried.
As the story goes after 3 years of living in my favorite city I suffered a massive stroke which has sent me packing to recover in Michigan
Fearing I had lost everything,the reason my Vespa became ever more important to me was because it now symbolized dreams reached and possibly my dreams lost….
-BUT-
After a couple of buyers inquired on it because now not being able to ride it and owing more on it than it was worth I needed something I could use.Now the Vespa symbolized NYC,the freedom I had,my hard work&dreams,lots of good memories,and not to mention it is beautiful as seen below ha-ha
So instead since the funds from it were used to buy a new computer,it seems only fitting to in turn use it to further write my story and of course this isn’t goodbye forever just for now.
As the song goes for everything there is a season
I’m just looking forward to my Summer returning and little by little it is !so far one thing that has returned is Blogcademy NYC I missed the class but this weekend I’ll be going to Blogcademy Chicago! AND for free! Because I won a scholarship,so it did return and even better……
There will certainly be more things to come and perhaps even better!
In parting “Hope deferred makes the heart sick.,
**Cheers!**
What do people and the general public know about blogs?
-Very little.
What do people know about the type of person who blogs?
-Even less.
A beauty queen? A troublemaker?A nerd? A sports aficionado? An oddball?
It’s a veritable blogger Breakfast Club!
I
In my experience few people know of the great things that can be done by simply putting your fingers to keyboard keys
It also doesn’t hurt to have a great imagination and creative flair (not flare)
It may appear to be a mindless diary or just have a good design aesthetic…
It’s anything but!
As Women We have enough beauty magazines to tell us what to buy,how to look,or how to be better…
Instead We need a positive forum to connect,network,and show that were pretty inside and out!
It may be a “Man’s World” but why don’t We make that a Woman‘s world?
with pink combat boots and all!
Why I think I should win:
I was actually all set to attend Blogcademy NYC but 2 weeks before at the age of 28(I’m now 30)I suffered a massive stroke and besides serious Hospitalization I missed out on quite a few things,too many to bear…. -BUT- after being motivated to create this essay/scrapbook for a scholarship to the class it helped to really motivate my creative gears to begin moving again after being in a long depressive slump.
I believe the blog “phenomenon” could help many others and the reason I entered to win this,this time around is because due to mounting medical bills,it’s the only way I can afford to go….
Thank you for your time,and good luck to all entries! I hope to see you all soon