Archive of ‘Uncategorized’ category

I am a lost boy

“The turning point in the process of growing up is when you discover the core of strength within you that survives all hurt.”

-Max Lerner.

This song has been haunting me, echoing through my mind like a voice down an empty hallway. We have all been “lost boys,” at one point or another. Whether we’re lonely, trying to find our way, or just plain old mischievous and free  of  obligations. The funny thing is, the lost boys actually had a large group of friends, yet were still considered lost.

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Perhaps you too have been part of a crowd but still felt like you didn’t quite belong. I first heard the song wafting over the  radio airwaves on a dark night time drive, and again at a  beautiful dance recital that was punctuated with the  feeling of endings(a last dance for High School Senior students. I love music because it has a way of expressing and  relating nearly every  emotion through  it’s  sonic landscape. I  always said when I died I wanted to become a music note. As a  musical note I could weave in and out of space and be emitted over  waves of sound. As well as touch people’s hearts. When you’re a music note your  essentially immortal and always a part of something beautiful. Of course we can’t talk about Peter Pan without  mentioning Captain Hook. What is your  personal Captain Hook? Because we all have one. He comes in the form of  opposition, negativity, and hardships. When we’re looking to find our way and having hope for a future each of us becomes a “lost boy.”     Then, we grow up much to our chagrin and the tribe of lost boys scatters. No longer do you have that adolescent camaraderie and sense of adventure. As the world becomes less new and your feet  change sizes, so does our reality and the people in it. Suddenly adult obligations or responsibilities begin to seep into and   take apart  the tribe of lost boys.  However, the invisible thread that at once connected us is always there. We may grow and change but our hearts and spirits  remain largely the same. Sometimes the wind will carry a tune   to my ear or a familiar smell to my nose and  gently remind me of my tribe. Although they’re scattered about I know that their still  there.   Having a stroke has displaced me as a lone tribe member looking for the path to our hideout in the woods. As I wander I keep an eye out for it to emerge once again from the shrouded trees. Dear friend, may We all discover that path and find our way back to belonging.

pals & pixie dust,

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The Great Escape

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“Faces that have charmed us the most escape us the soonest.”- Walter Scott. 

Everyone had left the room, so in earnest my Grandmother and I  made a rope of tied together bedsheets,and I put Her on my back and  threw the sheets out of the window. Then  together We scaled down the side of the building and away to safety and into  a  world of happiness.  At least that’s what I envisioned as I sat next to my  dying Great Grandmother in a rehab facility bedroom. The family had come to the conclusion that She was soon to be departing Earth, so everyone had come to visit Grandma before She left. However, when I was left alone with Her  with this vision in my head, I started to describe the adventure We’d have together while She giggled. Of course in reality both of us were pretty much stuck in that room. I could no better sling Her on my back as much as She could make Herself young again. Sometimes, as hard as we try it seems impossible to change ourselves. Even though I wasn’t able to make our comic book adventures come true,  it doesn’t mean that  nothing else is possible. In reality  We can’t  all jump out of windows, even though in our dreams we can.  Luckily, in this  World our dreams are possible if  given the right environment and the chance. Even though I may not have been able to whisk my Grandmother away, Her wisdom still remains. One that taught me to to get up and  get dressed  to meet the day even when  no one is  going to see it. There’s something to be said for    an effort that  doesn’t beg for  attention  but is simply for ones self. This illustrates that you  don’t need validation from others to be complete.  At  whatever age until She was 97, my Grandmother got ready and dressed for the day even if She was alone just watching television. How appropriate that a Woman that had lived through the depression taught me to have class and to value what you have. By enduring an era that was so well acquainted with lacking She  learned to value and appreciate what  She did have. That’s something we all need to realize and work on.

stay classy!

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Bag Lady(lipstick) beauty review!

 

There’s just something iconic about lipstick. While your Aunt Fanny with Her lipstick smeared teeth  may have put you off to it,you’ll find that the right swipe of this pigmented beauty product has a  strange way of making you feel better and more powerful, even sexy. Whether it’s a red lip announcing your presence in the room or  the icing on your makeup sundae, lipstick changes lives. Not literally of course, but something about it harkens back to the more glamorous days of Woman kind. I’m telling you, put on a pair of big glasses and a swipe of rouge and someone will mistake you for a movie star on the local bus(true story). Not enough Women  realize or “harness,” the power of lipstick. Many old Hollywood stars  took advantage of its benefits and   during the war  in the 1940’s “Rosie the Riveter,” was coined to describe the power woman who had Her hair and lipstick in place to do any job regardless of difficulty. Now if that’s not some badass feminism I don’t know what is! It’s about time more of us besides Marilyn Monroe and Gwen Stefani enjoyed the “power of lipstick.” Therefore,  continue on  to check out some shades!
 
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Spilling out of my Henri Bendel makeup  bag we have(swatches left to right) :
1)Marc  Jacobs kiss, kiss bang bang.
2)Bite Beauty juice.
3) MAC personal pick
4) Tony Moly petite bunny gloss bar in pink
5) Clinique in melon pop
Get  the makeup  bag here.
 
Whatever color you choose, be sure to do Rosie the  Riveter proud!
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Upgrade

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“Set high standards and few limitations for yourself.”- Anthony J. D’Angelo

Don’t you dare set a glass ceiling for yourself! We were made to spread like seeds and for  the good things we desire to multiply in our lives. The World  is limitations based on shortages. As evidenced by the mass media’s favorite things to report on; shortages and lack. However, don’t fall into the trap of evaluating yourself based  upon what other people say or limitations you place on yourself. Also, don’t let circumstances  shape you and adjust your goals to them. Don’t stop aiming for the “big ticket,” because currently your bank account doesn’t reflect the cost of said  big ticket. Rather than  looking at what you don’t have, focus on what you do have!  We tend to look more at what there isn’t than what there is.  Here’s  a  short list that’s sure to garner an increase of  what you desire:

1) Be thankful a.k.a gratitude.

2) Use what you have.

3) Bless what you have.

  Did you know that as babies we only have two natural fears?  They are falling  or being dropped and loud noises. However, a study done   on  700 Adults showed that they shared a common number of fears,(about 7,000) and that somewhere between birth and adulthood we had acquired thousands of fears.   We were not born to harbor fear and worry, the two main culprits responsible for  setting limits. We’re afraid of the future, afraid of what others may think, and afraid to take risks.  Personally, my biggest accomplishments came when I ignored any limitations or what people said. I would bet once you do the same, the sky’s the limit! Dear readers do not be conformed to this world, there are no limitations,only the ones we allow to be set in our lives.

Limit who?

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Here

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“Yesterday’s the past, tomorrow’s the future, but today is a gift. That’s why it’s called the present.” -Bil Keane.

You hear it often “be mindful, be present, and you should meditate.”  These aren’t just new age guru mumbo jumbo beliefs but they’re actually right!  I’d venture to guess that I’ve spent most of my life somewhere else, and definitely the past two years. In fact, the majority of us are not where we actually are at any given moment. Whether our minds are adrift or not, many times were wishing we were elsewhere. Either we are looking to the distant past or the near future. Our  “modern society,” is really talented at keeping most of us discontent with where we are, always wanting more. The funny thing is, when you stop wishing to be somewhere other than  where you are,  suddenly life becomes much more enjoyable!  When you let the  mind wander less and focus in more on your present surroundings, it allows you to savor  life and be in the moment. As an example, for many months I only wanted to be back in my beloved city of New York. However, once I chose to silence the noise, I realized that I was actually enjoying where I was. It’s easy to lose sight of where you are when advertisements and social media frequently remind you that you could be somewhere better. It’s as if we’re a rat  running through a labyrinth of distractions, all the while completely missing the point that lies in the center. When you take away all that noise suddenly the point is much easier to find. What I realized is, that New York City will still be there when I’m ready to return, but my Parents(with whom I live) won’t be. As much as I have griped and protested about my current situation, the fact is I have  had invaluable time spent with my family. One of whom supports and  loves me through it all. Therefore, I wish(not again!) that I’d realized this sooner. For if I had, the past few years would’ve been far less painful. When your mind wanders away from the present moment it really hurts you. Not only do you miss out on a part of your life, but also lose focus on your present goals. In a way it’s like self sabotage! By  looking  in a different direction you lose track of your chosen path, and lose ground(ie time. If your particularly goal orientated this is crucial to know! By being present and focused on your current situation, it allows you to see clearly the bull whose horns your going to grab.

focus & conquer!

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Resonate

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“It takes courage to grow up and become who you really are.”~ E.E. Cummings.

This is no fashion blog, but I’ve noticed  a  trend. Among my most popular posts the subjects  involving reassurance, love, and  hope  by far get the most response. Why is that? Because were human.  You may have grown into an “adult,” with all its benefits and   mundane responsibility, but you’re still a child.  Considering this truth, it’s pretty clear that  our needs may have  changed, but they’re not drastically different. We still need the basics, but the most important one  often gets forgotten, reassurance! Just because we’ve been potty trained(I hope) doesn’t mean that suddenly we have no need to be reassured or coddled any longer. Actually  it’s quite the opposite, as adults we might need it even more. Because our challenges are still just as difficult only the scale has changed.  People wrongly assume that you can deal with things on your own, but everyone could use some  reassurance from someone other than themselves. It’s because we  have a need to feel part of a community, and to know we’re doing good in this thing called life. I love when people tell me the progress they have noticed or reassured me that something is going to work out or be okay. This is especially important because I don’t notice the changes in myself, none of us really do. Therefore, when a change is positive I want to know about it! While your particular situation may not be as difficult as mine it  can still  be a hardship nonetheless. Just as a child receives praise for their artistic fridge drawing, We need praise just as much if not more for our accomplishments too.  As you(should) know “little,people” and big grow  the best in a nurturing environment. So, why  does the nurturing stop when we become “adults?” There  is no end to your ability to grow throughout life, and scientifically  speaking energy can neither be created or destroyed. You know what can be created or destroyed?  The short answer is growth. People can be given a place and a way to grow or find themselves stunted. My height will  likely never exceed 5’ 8” but the  size of my spirit can  become larger than life. There  is no end to the possibilities in life, so why stop  growing and helping others to grow?

add fertilizer!

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The Girl who lived

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Happiness cannot be traveled to, owned, earned, worn or consumed. Happiness is the spiritual experience of living every minute with love, grace, and gratitude.” -Denis Waitley.

If your familiar with Harry Potter at all, then you know about “the  boy who lived.”

To sum it up, He  was the very unlikely survivor of a dubious attack by the wizarding world’s most powerful wizard, Voldemort. Because of  this He garnered for himself tons of attention, along with  some unwanted expectations and unexpected responsibilities. I too, have faced my own  powerful evil wizard, but in the form of a massive stroke. Not only did surviving it garner me much attention as well, but also  an unexpected responsibility. Although I wasn’t asked to do anything specific, as I regained my mental prowess I  suddenly had a sense of responsibility. Because of what happened to me, I felt not only  that I should live to the fullest, but also that I  wanted  to share the good news with others that  needed to hear it. Now the fictional Harry Potter and I actually had something in common; We were not only survivors but we had lived, lived through unspeakable horrors, lived to tell the tale, and most importantly lived to inspire others. Unsuspectingly a sense of responsibility was thrust upon me, not because of what happened but in spite of it. I didn’t owe anyone anything, but I  had the need and desire to spread the hope, love, and strength  I  had found with others. If I  failed to do that, I felt it was a failure  to pay forward the gift I had been given. Other people needed to know what I knew as a result of tragedy and the occurrence of a miracle. Instead of paying forward our negativity or bad attitude, I sought to do the opposite. A nuclear event had happened in my life, and now I and others were sure to feel the after shocks. However, in some way, in the search to minimize the damage   I received grace. A grace that  allowed   me to prosper in  a  seemingly desert landscape of possibility. In  being given this seed of grace, I wanted to plant a forest of   hope, love, and light that would generate oxygen for all of us to breathe in. Therefore, nurture your own seed of  grace, so that it may grow into a beautiful forest we can all benefit from.

grow it!

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# Goals

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“What you get by achieving your goals is not as important as what you become by achieving your goals.”

-Zig Ziglar.

This one is for you single Moms that went back to school and got your degree, to the Dad that finally lost  his gut, the young girl who nailed that cart wheel, and the grandma that braved a community college class in  a subject  She was really interested in. These people have their goals on lock down, and understand that as long as your alive on this earth you can achieve   goals and create new ones. When  I first  discovered  The Sketchbook Project, I immediately jumped on it. However, due to a fast paced lifestyle  I never managed to complete it. The project  is a globally concerted effort, with art sent in from all over the world. You can learn more about it —> here. While my blank sketchbooks in 2011 and 2012( I attempted it twice) languished   untouched in my apartment  while I attended to other matters… Sooner than later(time flies) the year 2016 rolled around and I found myself   in the process of a recovery from a near death experience. I also  was unemployed with considerable stretches of time to fill and in need of some positive distraction. Yet again I found myself participating in  the sketchbook project, but this time I was going to finish it. The third time  really is a charm apparently. You can’t always wait for the “right time,” to accomplish something, often the right time is right now.  Many times    you’ll find that somehow things happen at the right time when your patient, positive, and active in working towards your goal. We can’t control or make everything happen when we want,  but we can certainly  put the wheels in motion. What that  single Mom, little girl, and Dad all understand is that with perseverance and determination you can reach your goals.  It doesn’t matter when you start, it’s that you begin and there’s no time like the present. Don’t be afraid of failure because failure is a good teacher, and  most certainly don’t predict that you’ll fail before you even  start!

Just begin,

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Help

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“Successful people are always looking for opportunities to help others. Unsuccessful people are always asking, ‘What’s in it for me?”

-Brian Tracy.

Sometimes We can’t do everything and have to humble ourselves. After  a lifetime of being stubborn and independent, having to ask for so much help was altogether humbling and produced a great patience in me. Before I was injured I did everything when and how I wanted to. However, in the hospital and after I had to have assistance and help with nearly everything. Not only was I not used to asking for help but it was painful having to wait so long(or seemingly) for everything. I even needed help to cut my own nails! I have never been all that patient, but now I had no choice but to be patient and gracious when things weren’t done how I’d normally prefer them.  It was not only difficult having to ask and then wait, but it made me feel set back as well. We live in a “I want it now,” society. Therefore, waiting  to do anything(especially everyday tasks) was excruciating. We all need help sometimes, but never to this extent.   To ask for so much help was not only humbling but a great teacher of patience.  Imagine having to wait  to do what you want, when you never really had to. The experience of this was not only a lesson but highlighted the fact that  We are definitely spoiled by convenience. Most of all  in my times of need little human Angels popped up everywhere. This was not only a lesson in patience and humility, but community too. We all need each other more than you realize. In fact after being put into such a situation, it was clear to me that we’d all be better  off if society valued the servant roles as much as the master roles. In our pursuit for control we  miss out on the beauty of a shared human experience. How much easier  and full of love would life be, if We all helped each other rather than only ourselves? After being in a place of so much need I now understand the importance of serving and helping others. I actually look  out  for and forward to opportunities to help someone. As well as look back at the times I had them and didn’t. To share in the life and joys of another, even a stranger is more fulfilling than living selfishly. For each person that went out of their way for me, they made my day better and it was done  for no personal gain. All  of these small acts of kindness are woven into a larger tapestry that creates our experience of humanity, and  all of humanity is better when We share it.

[youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yWP6Qki8mWc&w=420&h=315%5DIt’s a lesson I wish I would’ve learned sooner than later. For, had that happened I would have spent so much more time sharing my life with others who needed help at that moment. In doing so and giving of yourself, you gain so much more than what you give. Don’t wait too long to realize this but the sooner you begin the better!

Go, Angel Go!

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keep pushing

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I have not failed. I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work.”

-Thomas A. Edison

 
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If a little seedling  can manage to grow through cement, why can’t you do the same with your difficult  circumstances? The world worships at the feet of the God of success, but what do we do with failure and catastrophe? Rather than meet these challenges with a smile, We crumble and fade from them. When you’re going through a hard time keep smiling. Make people wonder where  that smile came from, and how it got there. Meet life dancing with your hand in the air rather than lying down. Imagine what you’d do if the floor was pulled out from beneath you, because that’s what happened to me actually! In one fell swoop, I lost my high paying job, my apartment, a significant other, and my left arm and leg were paralyzed. I went to bed expecting to go to work and then home to New York City, but instead woke up in a Hospital back where I started with even less than I had   as a child. In this situation you can either give  up  and fall into the arms of a suicidal depression or   get up  even when you don’t feel like it. Despite my desire to bury myself under the covers in my bed,  I  forced myself  to get up and go to rehab every week. Because, regardless of how I felt, life wasn’t going to hand  progress over to me  I had to push back to achieve it. I can assure you , that if I can  do it, so can you! Just as trout swim miles upstream to spawn, sometimes  we find ourselves swimming upstream as well.  Perhaps  we aren’t swimming upstream to spawn, but  our reasons are not so different from the trouts. That reason is simple,  both of us are swimming towards  Life and not away.

God speed!

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