“I refuse to let others walk thru my mind with their dirty feet.”
I’m a walking contradiction, a conundrum even to myself. For I have everything and nothing at the same time. At the onset of my ordeal(the stroke) I missed out on a few social engagements, a tropical vacation, a raise, my apartment in Astoria Queens was no longer, and I lost the job I had been working when the stroke occurred. Oh, and I woke up back where I started before I moved to New York City and physically worse for wear. To add insult to injury my boyfriend also broke up with me. This all accumulated into a waking nightmare. As if life isn’t hard enough, my blood and brain had conspired against me. I rarely(if ever) have written about how I felt after waking up in the hospital in my home state; but its safe to say complete and utter loss while in a black abyss. I can recall myself loudly and randomly letting out screams of emotional pain in the rehabilitation department. However, there’s a catch because, better a delay than a disaster. Also, it didn’t hurt that I am surrounded by an incredible group of family and friends; who helped me through my pain, and very often their own. At this point and especially in the hospital, most would concur that I had lost it all and nothing remains. Even as I am writing this with one hand because my left arm is currently paralyzed, I know I haven’t lost it all. In fact just as the night is darkest before the dawn in nature, so is life sometimes. Indeed the days are getting lighter as time passes. How could they not!? You see I have everything because, I’ve been instilled with an indomitable spirit, the determination and perseverance to succeed, and the wisdom to recognize tiny daily miracles. This all adds up to my main goal, numero uno… which is to get back on the tracks my train was derailed from. Each one of us encounter disasters in life, but with the right glasses on we can still see the light in the darkness. There is never complete darkness in nature or in our lives. Even when we imagine it to be so, the reality is that it is not. I can honestly tell you that it does get better. Except, there is one thing…. No matter the mountain, you must never give up!
may God be with you!